“The thing is, you liked this one, really liked this one. But you were never going to let your guard down, and the poor girl didn’t stand a chance”. (The Break Up)

As my life continues to move in new and beautiful directions, I find myself pondering my lucky escape from my ex. I wonder how a strong woman like myself ended up in such a mentally abusive relationship? I entered a relationship at at time when I was vulnerable and fooled by a knight in shining armour coming along to the save day. He deluded me with empty promises, to entice me into a relationship he could never deliver on, and will never be able to with anyone, for he is in denial of his deep psychological problems and demons. A man on the run from himself, he avoids self analysis at all costs by constantly being on the move and making others feel like his inadequacies are their fault. Anyone who holds a mirror up to him, is only met with anger and steadfast denial. There was certainly something from his past he didn’t want to face, that was controlling him in the present.

He held me hostage, by continually professing his love yet playing me off against other women and putting me down, slowly yet surely stripping me of my self confidence, so I felt not good enough, and thus the state of our relationship was all my fault. He chipped away at me, piece by piece, until I was a shell of my former self, and pulled off the greatest swindle of the century – a complete role reversal, where he held the power over me.

Being in a relationship with him, was like being tied to the back of a trailer, and being dragged along the ground for the ride, rocks and all. By the end, he nearly destroyed me. It felt like I was rocking on the ground in foetal position, and he was kicking me in the stomach. It was as though he was no longer human, and I was powerless to protect myself from him. All I could do was escape.

The catastrophic consequences of losing myself in this relationship, took a long time to repair. He had stolen so much from me and given me so little of himself in return, leaving me an empty and hollow husk. I didn’t mourn him, I was instead mourning the loss of myself and desperately trying to put myself back together.

I learnt many things on my road to recovery. Most importantly, just how special and precious our spirits are, and how we must always protect them. We must love ourselves, and never let anyone into our lives who doesn’t cherish and honour our beauty and who we are. When I now look in the mirror, the person looking back at me, is no longer a stranger. She is once again beautiful and fabulous, and she knows that no-one will ever take that away from her again, and she’ll never enter a relationship with someone who is beneath her or not worthy of her.

Don’t ever let a man break you.

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