This is the first of a new series, in which The Modern Woman will be dispensing advice to readers pertaining to problems of the male species.

If you are in the agonising grip of a dating dilemma or in the depths of a despair over a relationship drama – you’ve certainly come to the right place.

The Modern Woman’s advice is always objective, yet direct. She is committed to empowering women to settle for nothing less than they deserve. She’s talking nothing less than having rose petals thrown down the hallway before you walk down it.

She will not tolerate ego maniacs, emotionally unavailable men, game players or time wasters wreaking havoc with women’s hearts and destroying their self esteem.

She does however believe in love. She believes that there are men out there you can trust, who will love you, who will hold your gentleness in the palms of their hands, respect you and cherish you.

Her job is to sort out which men are a waste of a good blow dry and which men are keepers.

The first dating dilemma is from Ashley:

I’ve just entered college. I started seeing someone immediately, and things went very well for a couple of weeks. Shortly after, he claimed he was unable to be in a relationship because of a past commitment. We ended things, but we still very much care about each other. We spend most days together, usually for hours. I think it’s great because he is someone that I can just sit with. I dont have to pretend to be something I’m not, and we can still feel close without even having to say anything. When we are alone he is an incredible man and treats me very well, but as soon as his friends come around he becomes stubborn and acts as if nothing is happening between us. When I try to move on to other men, he becomes jealous and starts bickering with me, but it doesnt feel as if he’s ever going to make up his mind about us. Is this man ever going to come around, or should I just move on?

Dear Ashley,

This is a classic case of what I like to call “The Little Boy Syndrome”. He doesn’t want to share his tonka trucks with anyone else, even after he has dropped them like a discarded christmas present when there is a new and shinier toy to play with.

The distinction you need to make here is that he is a boy, not a “man”. A man would treat with you respect not only when you are alone, but also when you are around his friends. He sounds like a time waster, who doesn’t want to commit to you, yet doesn’t want you to be with anyone else either. The word selfish also springs to mind.

I can hear that you feel very connected to him and that it will be hard to break the bond that you have. If going cold turkey will cause you too much separation anxiety, then slowly but surely, start to ween yourself off him like a drug – even if this means seeing him one less day a week to start with.

When you are ready, start dating other people, because let me tell you, there are men out there that would fall over themselves to be with you and parade you in front of their friends with pride.

You need to show him that he can’t have his cake and eat it too and that you won’t allow him to treat you in a substandard manner. Let him be jealous and suffer the consequences of his actions – this is not your problem.  If he tries to bicker with you, simply don’t engage him and go home. He’ll soon get the joke.

Yes, there could be potential in the future, but you must NOT put up with the way he is treating you now, whilst you wait for him to mature or get over his baggage. Get out of there, unless he can show you that he respects the beautiful and special woman that you are and is prepared to be devoted to you 100% of the time. The key word in this sentence is “show”. He can beg, plead and promise that things will be different, but actions speak louder than words. Unfortunately, boys tend to be slow learners and need to learn the hard way.

Move on darling. There are other men out there who you could also feel relaxed to be yourself around. Don’t let this feeling keep you stuck and hooked on him. If he is the one for you, he will take the cue from your new empowered stance and smarten up his act. If he doesn’t, then you can move on safe in the knowledge that you saved yourself years of torment and heartache with someone who was never going to whole heartedly commit to you.

You deserve better.

The Modern Woman x

What advice do you have for Ashley dear readers?

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