“I GOT A LITTLE BEHIND IN MY RENT”
After being hypnotised yesterday to become a non smoker for life, I began to think about my relationship with money. What are the sub conscious beliefs and thoughts that dictate my financial affairs?
So, yes, my relationship with money. If I was to sum it up, I would say “never enough”. It’s not that I have a wardrobe full of irresponsible purchases (okay, well my bathroom cabinets may tell a different story), but largely it’s a case of not having enough income.
I struggled through my 20s with poor health and a very limited capacity to provide an income for myself. It’s not something I ever complained about, but it was an intense struggle at times to pay medical expenses and keep a roof over my head. I often found myself staring down the barrel of choosing between food or medication. Now that I have recovered, my capacity to earn money is much greater, but I am on a path that doesn’t always bring financial serenity.
So, I’ve learnt to be savvy with my money (well, I do try my best). I’ve learnt to be patient. I’ve learnt to make my money stretch. None of this is a natural state for me, because underneath all this restraint is an extravagant and frivolous woman who likes nice things. But, I choose to have less things of better quality, and find ways to have little luxuries in my life such as buying flowers every week. Admittedly, v. occasionally I have to say “fuck it”, and buy something I need or want, when I don’t have the money – The MCFC (Melbourne Cup Financial Crisis) took a particularly long time to recover from, and it then hitched a ride on the coat tails of Christmas.
There are the times when, no matter what I do, the roof collapses in on me and I find myself drowning under bills, that I can never seem to get on top of. That would be now. I am managing it like I always have in the past (when the bailiffs come knocking at my door threatening to throw me in prison unless I pay a $440 internet bill – which by the way, I am currently disputing with Optus, because there is no way I used 100GB in December) with calmness, knowing that everything always sorts itself out in the end.
However, the real question I am contemplating, is whether I am hard wired for lack, no matter how much money I have? Once I do have money in my life (because 2010 is my year), there will be a whole lot more extravagance, because, well, that’s who I am. However, I don’t think this would be my undoing, because there is a growing desire within me to save and build myself financially (which I am sure is a replacement for the nesting phase due to the absence of my maternal gene). For someone whose eyes glaze over at the mere mention of “dow jones” and “all ordinaries”, this is quite a big step. However, will I be thwarted in my attempts, because my financial auto pilot is set to self destruct?
Now, I could head to the self help section and read a myriad of books on the topic. But I won’t. Because my current capacity for in-depth self analysis is low (quite frankly, I can’t be bothered). Instead of taking a shovel and digging into the depths of my past, I find myself wanting to gently mull over the thought of self worthiness. Something I will let sift through my sub conscious of its own accord and reveal its answer to me when it’s ready. Then there’s the hypnosis route, which for the lazy girl, is the perfect way to circumvent your unhealthy patterns running your life. I think I may have a new addiction – lets see how long this phase of mine lasts.
If you need some therapy, head to my Facebook fan page, and list your most irresponsible purchase that you couldn’t afford.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Modern-Womans-Survival-Guide/58785309998
Gaynor, strong well written article. So true. I’m in the later years of my 20s, though I still may act like my early 20s, but I’m trying to find my financial style, and think that hmm, as long as I can pay my bills, savings don’t matter? Not so. I’m having a bit of a struggle, but I just got a bit spend happy whilst on holiday. So, feeling a bit ashamed, irresponsible, how could I do this, trying to console myself with ‘it happens to lots of people’ and all my bills are paid, I’ll be fine. And knowing that you also had financial issues? Makes me feel a bit more normal and less stupid person.
Darling, Stop being hard on yourself, right now, yes right now
We all spend more than we should at times – gosh if you only knew all the people out there hiding behind their facade of “I’ve got it all together” who are struggling with money. It’s great that you are now thinking about getting some savings together – and you are still in your 20s. Brava to you! The very reason I write so candidly (as a private person, this is no easy feat), is because I know that being honest helps liberate others. To think I’ve even made you feel a smidgeon better, makes it all worthwhile. Mwah 
being smack bang in the middle of my 20′s, im living pay check to pay check. actually, im currently unemployed, so it’s centerlink payment to centerlink payment. which means no savings. barely enough to survive on. thank god i dont pay rent otherwise i would be in real trouble.
i intend to start saving when i get a job. i really do. but its so hard. there is just so much stuff to buy. and even if it isnt ‘splurging’ as such, things are damn expensive!
I completely understand Sarah! Paycheck to paycheck can be perilous, especially when something unexpected pops up. I have always understood the concept of saving, just not as it applies to me. It will be great to have some extra money to put away for a rainy day, but I wonder if I actually will, or just slip back into paycheck to paycheck? Put away for a rainy day … what about making hay whilst the sun shines?
I hope you find work soon Sarah 
It truly is nice to know that I’m not alone.
I used to splurge like mad because I honestly believed that I could be hit by a bus at any moment and life should be lived and enjoyed and be utterly fabulous. Which all comes at a cost. Usually at a rate of maxing my credit card.
I, like you Gaynor, have always managed to find a way out of whatever situation I was faced with – and some of them weren’t ideal. I’m pleased to have found some balance in my life – I know I don’t have to blow every penny every pay because that’s just silly – but I still am, and fear always will be, a shopper at heart. I’m not silly with money, I just really like nice things and stuff and food and THE GOOD LIFE.
I’ve found all sorts of ways to justify it, and found all sorts of confidence in having both arms chock full of designer bags strolling down Collins Street, but, truth be told, I’m more confident now with $50 in my bank account for just-in-case moments.
Would I change it all though? All the spending and overdue bills because I wined and dined and bought the prettiest of bags and shoes? No. I loved every second of it, and I’ve learnt my lesson. But is it hard picking myself back up? Catching up, if you ever can? Hell yes.
At the end of the day, I’m happy, with or without money. And I think that’s part of my problem – I believe money comes, and money goes. Maybe if I, like you, cared more about it, and stocks, and blah blah I’d be in a better situation. But then I fear I’d be awfully boring if I did. I say live a little (ok, a lot) and enjoy it, while it’s there. In moderation, of course.
Sandi – I so feel you on the investments, stocks etc front – makes the blood in veins slow down to a boredom induced trickle. The word frugal makes me dry reach as does stinginess and counting every penny. As Aunty Mame says “live, live, live”. I think it comes down to finding the balance between able to nurture the sides of ourselves that enjoy living and also taking care of ourselves financially, so that we don’t get stuck in bad situations – I’ve had some doozies, like having to live with my ex after we broke up for 6 weeks, because I couldn’t afford to move out on my own – so much fun.
If you need a bit of group therapy, visit my Facebook fan page below where peeps are listing their most irresponsible purchase they couldn’t afford. Buying a a pair of suede boots and choosing to eat $5 of fruit for a 2 day trip home and then getting her period with no money to buy tampons, has to be the best thus far:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Modern-Womans-Survival-Guide/58785309998
Whether you covet pretty things or not, living is expensive! Luckily for me though, my income has been very agreeable lately. And the encouraging thing is that now that I have a little bit saved I actually itch to add to it. The getting started bit seems to be the hard part of saving, but once there’s some there it is as exciting to make it grow as it is to spend spare cash.
Can’t really think of a frivolous purchase, though my then boyfriend and I did once have a weekend away that left us broke upon our return home, and the only option for dinner lumpy mashed spud on toast. Lucky we like carbs!
I remember once living on brown rice, tomato and eggplant seasoned with tumeric for 2 days because I had no money until pay day. It was like an episode of Ready Steady Cook.