THE GREAT FAT CRISIS OF 2010
Number of units of alcohol = 12. Number of cigarettes = 0. Number of times I stole the detergent from behind the bar without getting caught = 3
Waking up with your clothes still on in some strange man’s bed – priceless.
The fright of such a close encounter with a less than desirable suitor had me running for the phone to book a stint at the Priori. I spent the following week off the liquor, and making buckwheat porridge for breakfast and chopping up every vegetable in my fridge for lunch – a picture of health was I.
Then I checked into a hotel to do a review, and one of the wheels came loose on my wagon. It wasn’t before long that I was dialing room service for a Sauvignon Blanc and raiding the mini bar – one Kit Kat and a box of Pringles later, and I was ready to order some dinner. Alas, they had run out of food! (Needless to say their review didn’t bode well.) So, I then found myself walking around the corner for MacDonalds – holy mother!
Since then I’ve been consuming vino, like a new born drinking milk from its mother – constantly. Unlike the baby, I can eat solids, and they haven’t been the most nutritious of choices – pizza, KFC and toasted cheese sandwiches. Ta da – here I find myself in the midst of a fat crisis. AGAIN. I loathe feeling this way. It’s tiresome and I feel like crap.
None of my clothes fit me, but I don’t want to buy new ones because then I’ll only have to throw them out, because I’m going to lose weight (a period of denial that can stretch out to 6 months, before you finally accept that you are no longer a size 8, or hang on a minute, no longer a 10 either). The fat crisis is like a snowball rolling down a hill, gathering more and more and fat. This is because when we feel horrible inside, we often reach for more food and more wine to drown it out.
I want to feel healthy again. I do. Really I do. I had a glimpse of what it was like last week and it felt great. I had energy. I was clear headed. I felt happy within myself. But it only seems to take one drink before I switch on the self destruct button and I’m not sure how to stop that. One thing I do know, is that when we over indulge, we are more often than not trying to fill something up inside ourselves. But the crazy thing is that these places inside ourselves are usually insatiable. They can’t be filled, no matter how hard we try. It’s like trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in the bottom of it.
I’ve come to realise, that the things that happen to us in our lives that create feelings of loss and emptiness inside us, are part of us. We can’t get rid of them, but if we accept them and let them be, something does start to shift inside. I look at it like having an empty bottle inside of me, but instead of trying to fill it up, I am just going to put a lid on it. For some reason when I do that, it seems to feel smaller. Okay somehow. Sure, it’s still there, but those experiences are what have carved my character, shaped my personality and made me what I am.
Maybe I can do moderation, and live the healthy lifestyle I have always wanted to. You know like those pictures you see in magazines of girls wearing white bikinis and eating a bowl of strawberries after coming in from their morning run at the beach. Well, the white bikini would be impractical with any form of water based activity, and you’d never catch me on the beach that early, but work with me on this one.
This week, I am going to start leaning towards healthy food again – getting back in touch with what my body wants to feel good, and start with small steps to make exercise a daily part of my life. It’s a new week, and as my granny used to say, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.
Oh this makes me sad. Actually it’s like deja-vu. I went through the same process a few weeks ago. I forgot all about my obsession with wholewheat, the urge to cook a healthy meal at home and not getting take-outs. Well I abided with not eating junk food – but I continued eating at odd hours and eating bad food at home.
I then realised, enough is enough. It was time to actually comprehend the “mind over body” phenomenon. The timing of this post is perfect. I started my self-altered detox diet only a week ago – and I have been going really well. (mostly) a success!
*fingers crossed*
I really hope you get into the healthy eating routine as well. Remember the days when you actually felt good about fitting into size 8 jeans. I am sure you can do it. There is nothing we can’t do. Because we are awesome
Good luck! xx
Good luck on your detox Shitika – it is sure to make you feel fab
) I am ready to conquer the “mind over body” phenomenon – I love that term, it’s so perfect. My goal is my size 10s because I look anorexic when I am a size 8. YES WE CAN!! 
Love your blog! I actually am starting a diet tomorrow, sad to say. I never gain weight over the winter holidays, but I did this year. With summer looming, I have got to start ASAP. Blah.
This is my world but I let it go for way longer and suffer the consequences every day. Its long road back but worth every step. Your advice is a new way of looking at things for me and know there are others making the effort with you.
Emma- Have you read Bridget Jane’s Health Diary in Onya? She has a brilliant outlook to weight loss called the L.E.A.N principle. No diets or deprivation. She is very inspiring.
Gaynor, thank you SO very much for your recommendation! The article you are speaking of can be found at my column at http://www.onyamagazine.com/category/lifestyle/health/bridget-janes-health-diary/
I hope you enjoy xoxo Thank you again xoxo
Such a pleasure darling. How are you? xx
In reading this, it made me wonder some things about myself. I don’t consider myself insecure. However, I do have my insecurities. I just wonder if there are things that when I start seeing or attaining a glimpse of success, there is an automatic button of self-sabotage going on there. I’m not saying that I run in the opposite direction either. More like a deer hit by headlights. Stopping in my tracks, instead of moving forward with the moment, I’m frozen to move forward and enjoy the warmth and embrace of success.
I do continue to forward, but I feel it is still a bit hesitant. I try not to be easily distracted in the paths that take me away from the goal, but need to make concerted effort to make purposeful strides forward.
I see this in you, that you believe,just distracted every once in a while. Good luck in the direction of paths you choose and don’t beat yourself up when you hit a diversion for a moment. The diversions are interesting too. It’s all about enjoying the process along the way.
-Layne
Layne, I loved this response. I really resonate with what you are saying and it’s something I have been thinking about over the past month or so. I think I need to start asking myself – does this move me forwards towards what I want or away from what I want, and then feel into the underlying feeling.
*sigh… do I know this story all too well!
Only instead of having a penchant for alcohol, mine is carbs… cakes, biscuits, muffins…. instead of a healthy lunch, I will have a muffin instead (at the moment, it is hot cross buns)! If carbs are around, I will eat them.
I also live on coffee and Zero Coke.
I have had my Wii fit since my birthday last year (Aug. 28th) and I have only used it once… I got the Wii fit plus disk for xmas from the boys and haven’t used it at all.
I also have a treadmill that is collecting dust (that was a great spend of over $500)… I should really start using these things!
I am 5’10 (6 ft + in heels) and would love to be skinnier… only not a size 8, I would look like a huge stick insect.
Curves definitely look better… so a size 12 would be perfect, not my current size 14-16. Unfortunately, for me to become skinny I need to live on salad and fruit etc and exercise heaps because I have Hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid).
Considering my Mum had an aggressive form of breast cancer, which she now has secondary cancer in her lungs and bones and my Dad had a heart attack a few years ago, I really should be taking better care of myself. But working two jobs, 3 boys to look after, running a house (inside and the gardening), trying to fit in time with friends etc. when do I get time for me?!? I’m lucky to get a 5 minutes shower in the morning.
As the creator of Mummy of Style and Substance, you need to find some more time for yourself – no wonder you don’t exercise – you’re frigging exhausted darling
) The underactive thyroid is a real bummer (my friend’s mum has it and it does make it hard to lose weight) but I think you’ll feel great if you exercised. A friend of a friend runs an hour every day on the treadmill and has 4 kids, but she doesn’t have to work. You are amazing how you manage to work and raise your children with everything else you have on your plate. More time for Kellie!!
Hi Gaynor:)
I really liked that post…
I think the most important thing is to – have goals and really work on getting them…whatever it might be…
I usually go to the gym three times a week- but sometimes it would, and is much nicer having a Pizza – and some tea – yes tea, i almost never drink alcohol…
The important thing is that you try-try and try again…
Have a good day – SP
Thank you darling! Yes, I am going to be more committed to drinking less wine and starting to have regular exercise in my life. My eating habits are pretty good already. Try, try, try again
Back on the wagon!
As I was reading the comments I said out loud “girls be kinder to selves, stop beating yourself up by focusing on the things that you are not doing”.
A suggestion take a moment to reflect on all the good things that you are doing to take care of yourself – the things that you do “right” in terms of diet and exercise.
Really acknowledged self for efforts.
Now focus on one or two things that you could do more to get you closer to what you want and then one or two things to stop (these are things that are taking you away from what you want). Concentrate on these actions.
I’m a big believer in fine tuning your life not the life overhaul.
For me this week I am going to increase the “exercise” I do by adding two additional 20 minute cardio sessions. Why? I’ve noticed now my children are older I am not needing to be as active with them – no more pushing in prams (great weight shifter), or pushing on the swing, more time at the computer etc so when daughter is at music & dance lesson I will be jumping rope and running up and down the hilly driveway (I am sure that I will get some funny looks but I may also inspire others to join me – who knows?)
Lovely thoughts Jo. How are your cardio sessions going? I am planning to start doing some yoga in the mornings. Why? Because I can do it at home and it helps keep me centered.
Just what I needed to read today!
I am chanting……..My body is a temple, and I eat for fuel and for now other reason (repeat until it sinks in!!! LOL)
Love your work Susan! I agree that once we start honouring our bodies and finding ways to manage our emotions, then we will see the reflection on the outside.
Here’s to kindness and self love.
Glad you enjoyed the article Lisa – no more filling holes for us
)