WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOUR 16 YEAR OLD SELF?
I was speaking with the fabulous Miss Kempson of Sarah’s Style Emporium last weekend (you might want to check out her blog for up to the minute news from RAFW in Sydney – well up to the end of a long day volunteering news) and she told me about a fabulous article where the person wrote a letter to their 16 year old self.
I thought it was a brilliant idea, so I am going to write one to my teenage self – a Dolly magazine reading, hair bleach and strawberry lip gloss addict, who was always agonising over the unrequited love of a high school crush.
Hmmm, why do I feel the need to find some stationery and spray it with some perfume?
Dear 16 year old Gaynor,
I’m nearly 20 years older than you now (yikes), I guess you can consider me an aunty of sorts – you can call me aunty G if you like.
First of all, I must take you to task over your spiky fringe and the Vanilla Ice poster in your bedroom – don’t worry your taste in fashion and music will change for the better.
Stop pining over boys who don’t like you – they are not worth it my dear, nor are the popular girls who sit on the back seat of the bus. You’re better than all of them put together (really, you are, I’m not just saying that because I’m your favourite aunt).
Don’t ever think you are not good enough, not pretty enough or not anything enough – don’t ever let anyone determine how you feel about yourself except you.
There are going to be some unbelievably tough times, tougher than you could ever comprehend right now (I know nothing could seem worse than the agony of the object of your affections choosing to go out with someone else on school camp, but believe me there is) but you will emerge from those times with more strength than you could have ever imagined, and you will use it for the rest of your life.
Never forget that you are the most important person in your life. It is not selfish to put yourself first when you need to, because you’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself.
No matter how bad things seem – it will pass. Promise.
Your quiet determination is one of your greatest strengths – don’t ever let anyone make you doubt yourself or what you want to do in life.
Cut off critical, disrespectful and toxic people at the knees (metaphorically speaking of course) – they have no place in your life.
Surround yourself only with people who love and respect you. One of your greatest joys in life will be your friendships. In fact, they will be your greatest joy. You will still be friends with Katie Janelle after all these years, and you will learn that this is one of the greatest achievements in life – to have a friend that will be there throughout it all, in thick and thin. Oh, and yes, you will both be still as obsessed about makeup as you are now, but go easy on the Tresor perfume will you?
You will be an aunty, and you will experience a love that you never thought possible for another human being. Emily Rose is six turning on seven now, and you will love her like she is your own.
Don’t stress about figuring out what you want to do with your life – only living life can teach you that, and you will do lots of fabulous things anyway. You don’t have to do the same thing forever – do what you love for as long as you love it, and then do something different.
Never be afraid to try things – so many people are too preoccupied with their egos and what other people think of them, that they won’t take risks for fear of failing (this isn’t really going to get them anywhere now is it?) There is no such thing as failure, only learning.
Explore and live life by your own rules – there is no race to the finish line.
Don’t ever let a man destroy you. Make sure you love yourself so much, that no man can ever possibly treat you bad and make you feel like it’s all your fault. Choose wisely who you give your heart to – not all men are created equal.
You deserve love. However, it will take you a few goes to get it right. Don’t worry, his predecessors will make you a much stronger woman and make you appreciate meeting him all that more special.
Love yourself, not for what you do and don’t do in life, but just because of who you are.
ALWAYS trust your intuition.
Love yourself. No, it’s not stuck up, arrogant or self involved. You have no idea how important it is to love who you are. Oprah (she is a TV talk show host) will remind you when you forget, but honest and for true, when you really learn to love yourself and be your own best friend, life seems to fall into place.
Stop being so hard on yourself god damn it.
There will be friends that come into your life for a certain time only – and that’s okay. Cherish the good times, let it go and then move on.
When you fall out with friends, it will either end the friendship or be an opportunity for the friendship to grow stronger and more beautiful than before.
You will travel to many places and meet many people – yes, including Europe. Exciting, I know.
It’s the people in your life that matter the most. Spend as much time with the people in your life that you love – they won’t be around forever.
You will never be able to eat as much as you like and not put on weight again – enjoy it. Bitch! Just joking, but I am jealous of how you can eat whatever you want and still look like an exchange student from a third world country.
You will still be as crap with money as you are now – but I’m working on it, I promise.
Smoking isn’t as cool as it looks. Drugs are even less cool than they look.
Don’t let people walk all over you and stop being so bloody nice all the time – not everyone deserves your kindness.
Never feel bad about about being sensitive and emotional – it’s one of your most beautiful qualities, and you will learn that it’s also one of your greatest strengths. Show anyone the door that doesn’t respect this.
Never stop believing in yourself.
You have no idea how proud I am of you.
Love your aunty G x
P.S Did I tell you important it is to love yourself?
What would you say to your 16 year old self?
Oh wow, Gloria… this bought tears to my eyes. I want to write a letter to my sixteen year old self now too.
Thank you, for sharing such an amazing idea
x
A very powerful piece of writing. I hated the popular people on my bus, made my half hour trip to school miserable..
I had an abusive childhood so I would tell myself its not you’re fault, honey you are beautiful, the anxiety and depression that will haunt you later in life is not a sign of weakness but a reminder of how strong you are to overcome such crippling hurdles. You will shine like a star, love life and others. You will remember the beauty and appreciate life’s pleasures, a baby’s first laugh, drinking warm milo when it is peltering with rain outside, finding twenty dollars in your pocked unexpectedly, smelling roses, changing your best friends facebook status….
In regards to Oprah one show that stands out is one of her guests remarked ‘honey not everyone is going to love you concentrate on the ones that do’ this was my “he’s just not that into you-light bulb moment” I was so occupied with trying to make everyone like me I was losing a losing battle.
Thanks again for sharing an inspiring and powerful piece of writing. Well done honey.
Krissy, I take great comfort in the fact that all the popular girls in high school haven’t amounted to anything much – not in terms of what they have achieved in life, but in terms of who they are as people (still the same shallow completely lacking in personality people that they were back then from all reports). Who wants to peak at 16 anyway? So glad you got so much out of this article and that you have given some thought on what you would say to yourself – it sounds like it has made you realise just how special you are, and how the journey that has brought you up to this point has given you a strength and beautiful perspective on life that you might not have otherwise have had.
Who Are You Gaynor??? Your little stories are so awesome to read. As I read them I am transported back in time. It’s funny because as you are growing as a teenager you feel like everything you go through, that you’re alone. But I know now I was not alone and the only one feeling like that. So, the same is probably true now. The hard times that I’ve gone through, I’m not the only person. I envy your ability of writing. I read this nodding my head and tears welling up in my eyes. Excellent!!!!!
Juanita, I am thrilled that you get so much out of my writing, and this piece has moved you so much – it’s what motivates me to keep doing what I do. I’d love to hear what you would say to your 16 year old self
Shit… I called you Gloria yesterday. I was clearly insane. My apologies O.o
Bee, I am sure it was the whole Gloria Gaynor scenario
Thanks for your lovely comments
I wonder if Miss Kempson of Sarah’s Style Emporium was referring to this book – Dear Me. A letter to my 16 year old self published by Simon & Schuster. The book includes letters from Elton John, Stephen Fry, Annie Lennox, Paul O’Grady, Jackie Collins and so many more.
Your story and the thoughts of other were beautiful to read – thank you everyone for sharing.
Now, what would I tell my 16 year old self?
Life is about to get a lot more exciting, complicated, challenging and more – you will take it all in your stride
Learn the difference between aspirations (these will help you to sore) and expectations (these will weigh you down)
People who think they are so important now really aren’t (you will find that out at your school reunion in a couple of decades)
Your best friend Karla will still be in your life. You will be both be at each other’s 40th birthday celebrations (Yes, people are still alive then and no you don’t feel old) – She is to be treasured.
Your personal qualities of intolerance of fools, strong opinions, assertiveness and thinking big mean that some people don’t like you…don’t worry …you still have these qualities now and you know how to use them to their best advantage ….you also have people in your life that love, get you and want to be around you because of these things.
Being tall and having long legs is soon to become an asset (don’t worry about the boobs – we take care of those later and they look fabulous!!)
See yourself how Mr. Robert Pryke sees you – I believe he recognises your potential
You will meet an amazing fella in the next 12 months who will knock your socks off….I’m not going to spoil all the surprises …
Don’t be surprised Gaynor if this reflective exercise inspires a Living Savvy How to post.
Jo, I’d love to see you do a post on Living Savvy – such a fabulous idea that Miss Kempson passed onto me. I must look up that book where the concept originated. I think everyone should write a letter to their 16 year old selves. It has got me curious as to what my 50 year old self would write to my 30 year old self?
I loved reading this, its my first time reading your blog and I love it. I wish I could of known the things I know now back when I was 16.
Hi Gaynor:)
It is pretty short, and to the point…
Not everyone has to like you, and thats oki…
Be thru to yourself, and F everyone else…
You don´t need a man to feel whole…
You can do ANYTHING:)
Short and to the point:)Have a nice day – SP
Hi there Soul Princess – your new motto should be “it’s all about me and why shouldn’t it be?” Love your work! x
Hi lovely! I’m so pleased to have inspired you! (and the people who have commented, and yes, living savvy ,that is the book I saw although it was an excert in Marie Claire).
I felt quite liberated when I wrote my letter, it allowed me to let go of a lot of things that happened in the past that I thought at the time were the worst possible things that could ever happen to a person but I now realise are the things that make me who I am today.
Thank you for sharing your letter with us!
Sarah xx
Thanks for your lovely comment, right bak at you:)
SP
Oh that’s a good excuse
I think it was really because your letter to self made my eyes tear up and it was hard to focus when I wanted to write.
I actually wrote myself a letter but as a 16 year old to my 23 year old self. I’m nearly 27 now and wish I’d be more like my 16 year old self when I was 23 and going through a rough patch.
Carla, I love your foresight to write the letter when you were 16 – such a beautiful sentiment. I think sometimes we have to go through the rough patches to become who we are.
I just love your blog, Gaynor. You ARE the bomb! Many of the sentiments in this post are are exactly what I’d say to myself, but I suppose I would also add…
Dear Me
What you are going through now is pretty damn awful, but I can promise you, you will never feel this lonely and sad again. EVER. I promise. You may not realise it now, but you are surrounded by people who love you, even if they are not doing such a great job of showing it. You are going through this for a reason, and all I can do is put my 34 year-old arms around you and tell you, “Everything is going to be okay. You are a wonderful person. You are much loved by other people, but more importantly, there is so much to love about yourself, and over time you won’t need to see it through other people’s eyes.”
You do have so much to look forward to. While you have a few starring moments coming up in the next couple of years, I hate to say it but you’ll choose not to be the glamorous stage actress you have in mind now. You will finding your true calling in life which makes the most of your intelligence and deep understanding of people. Don’t forget to work hard at uni, because I know you won’t have any problem enjoying your social life. You will meet some people who will make an impact on your life for a short time, and some who are with you forever. Enjoy them all. Oh yeah, and Freya will come back and be your best friend again. She is ok, but be prepared for she will always be off on her personal journey, and your friendship will withstand all sorts of drama, loss, and other changes.
I don’t want to spill the beans to much on love but you have plenty of romance, heartbreak, puppy love, true love, tough love, and good sex confused with love ahead of you. Enjoy it learn, from it, please PLEASE try to remember not to subjugate your own needs in your relationships, and don’t be too selfish either. We’re still working on this.
The best news is that an amazing little soul is going to come to you and make you feel love for another human being that you never thought was possible. It’s blissful. It will happen at the exact time that you are ready. Don’t worry about the health issues (ok, that’s going to be tough on you) – it won’t stop you from having kids.
Hang in there gorgeous. You’re not crazy, just a teenager having a tough time. It will be ok
Love you
Moi
xxx
Oh Rikki, Thank you!
I just love your response – you sound like a woman of substance indeed. What was your true calling in life? I bet you’re still glamorous! 
I am a clinical psychologist
I am still glamorous occasionally, when I can manage it – can be tricky with a toddler and work! Thank goodness for knee high boots, trench coats, and Dior lipstick
x
Thanks soooo much Gaynor-this is something I’d like to say to my ten year old self-
Hi honey, I’m only a couple of years older, so I’m not gonna say I know everything, but the girls will stop picking on you eventually, your sharp tongue will take care of that.
Your friends will come and go, and you will leave school early, but thats okay-
you’ll feel jealous when you see photos of the boys at graduation on facebook, and you’ll have felt like you missed out on spy camp, but I’ll tell you a secret…
Thats also okay.
The boy you like you may never say again, but thats all okay.
Because even though there are bad things to come, many people will come to laugh with you, and love you, and that is the most important thing about life.
From the older (although not necessarily wiser,) you.
I love you.
xox
P.S. It was Megan that put me onto this site-thanks for all the inspirational blogs.
Absolute pleasure Sasha : Is that Megan O who referred you?
) Sorry it took me so long to respond, but I was away on holiday in Perth,
Excellent ideas throughout this post, personally I’m gonna have to bookmark this and come back to it. What would you suggest in regards to your post that you made a few days ago?
This great writing – I want my daughter to read this piece of advice, although she knows that I know she is wonderful. And that is a great start for any woman in the early years of her life.