Here is an excerpt from Tom Valcanis’ reply to my previous article The Male Species Never Ceases To Amaze Me published in Onya Magazine.

Dear Gaynor,

I read your article on the male “hand-holder” which, in your words is cut from the same cloth as “Dirty Lying Bastard.” I thought it hit upon a very intuitive point – yes, these “hand-holders” are indeed lying bastards; but the people they are lying to is not only you but themselves as well.

Dr. Robert Glover, whom I have mentioned previously, calls this condition vagiphobia. In his words, “Vagiphobia is a syndrome where the penis tries to stay out of vaginas or gets out quickly once it is in.” Riddled with trauma and toxic shame, the male has this seemingly irresolvable tension between the irrational belief that he must be validated by a female by having sex but avoidant of the act itself for a variety of neurotic reasons – be it conditioning in childhood that sex was “shameful” or “dirty” or that direct initiation of sex may cause the female to think he was “bad” or “only after one thing.” Many of these “hand-holders” flirt with girls who are seemingly sexually unavailable anyway – girls with boyfriends or even husbands. When they actually succeed in getting what their exterior behavior is signaling, they find any sort of excuse to run away so as not to confront their own feelings about sex and relationships. Sometimes this is not built up in the home but their communities and the media.

Click here to read full article in Onya Magazine