Fear. That insidious monster that ever so effectively controls our lives. Prevents us from reaching for all that we deserve, bullying us into submission and quashing all of our dreams. Limiting us. Holding us back. Shutting us down.

In our minds we tell ourselves that can apply for that new job, open our hearts to a new relationship or take off for overseas shores  … but deep down, fear is in the driver’s seat, and in reality it’s driving us around in an orange Datsun 120Y (definitely not draped in a scarf, Grace Kelly-esque in a Mercedes Benz).

So, how do we break free of the deep rooted fears holding us back? How do we stop fear running our lives? How do we let fear know that we’re in charge and that it can plain bugger off?

First of all we need to identify exactly what the fear is. Nine times out of ten, it’s some crappy low life from our past, holding us hostage in the present. But then there are the other fears – born of the what ifs and the potential for things to go wrong in the future.

What we need to understand is that fear, no matter how old, needs to firstly be honoured and respected. Like a plane crash victim who attempts to board a plane five years later. Because you can bet your bottom dollar that they are going to be reaching for the valium once the plane starts to leave the tarmac.

But then, as the plane starts to ascend into the clouds, and we move through things that were previously tarnished with bad memories, we realise that we are safe. For each time we do the thing we thought we could not, we are one step closer to being free.

Of course, it’s not always as easy as that, because we can’t always board a plane and have a hostess dispense us hot towels and serenity.We have to work through it step by step sans frequent flyer miles – we have to feel every inch of the fear as it holds our psyches hostage and has us breathe into brown paper sick bags.

This is your captain speaking. Please listen carefully to the following safety demonstration:

1. In case of emergency hyperventilation, please count slowly backwards from ten.

Yeah right, as if counting back from ten is going to calm the mounting hysteria this is escalating by the second in my mind? But, seriously, honest and for true, sometimes all it takes is a few moments to breathe and relax to realise that everything is okay, and all is going to be well.

2. Please note your emergency evacuation exits, here, here and here. If you can’t find them, then do please call a friend.

So often we bottle up our problems, when calling a friend could easily release them and have us realise how silly they were in the first place. Our friends help us to put things in perspective and alleviate the merry go round of thoughts needlessly terrorising our psyches.

3. Remember to fit your oxygen masks before tending to your fellow passenger.

Yes, sometimes you really do need to put yourself first. Like seriously. Shutting yourself off from the world (i.e. turning off your phone, and not logging into your Facebook) can be just what you need to get back in touch with yourself and process what you need to.

4. If you need further assistance, then please call one of the air stewards.

There is never any shame in admitting you need help. And help out there, there is. There are many counsellors and professionals that can guide you through what you are going through, to help you permanently alleviate the fears that are holding you back from living the life you really want to live.

How do you alleviate fear in your life?