Dear a large percentage of women reading this,

Please WOMAN UP. That’s right. Don’t boogie away from disco Dave behind the stroke inducing strobe of the club you are at, and stop avoiding eye contact with the attractive girl called Jane who sits next to you every day on the overcrowded train to work. And puh-lease do not pretend you didn’t see six-pack-Sam beam so bright when you sauntered into his coffee shop to get your daily cappuccino. Open your bright eyes, show those pearly whites, approach someone you think looks friendly and start with ‘Hi’.

It has come to my attention, that there’s a real issue with the culture of romantic courtship practices and a woman’s place amongst the mangrove of out-dated patriarchal rules and regulations. Intelligent, quick witted and successful women are afraid of making ‘the first move’.

Maybe afraid is not the correct term. Stunted, inhibited or repressed could be more accurate adjectives to describe the modern day societal conflict. Making ‘the first move’ is a broad term for making first contact; it can be walking up to a stranger you find attractive and striking up a conversation or it could be going in for the first kiss on a date. Despite what working definition you identify with, there is a serious stigma attached to women in heterosexual relationships making this infamous first move.

Take Sophie*, 22, a public relations student at one of Australia’s top universities who confessed with searing regret that “I waited 7 dates, that’s 4 weeks, for him to make a first move as I didn’t want to be seen as the girl who goes out looking for ‘it’”.

I asked her to describe a girl who goes out ‘looking for it’ and she said someone who is “Generally forthcoming, vivacious, likes to party…and wears a lot of makeup.” And this is where the problem lies- despite extreme advances in a woman’s capacity for economic and professional development in the Western world throughout the last century there is a serious issue with women embracing their ovaries and thinking, “Yes, maybe I would like to kiss that handsome man, because he makes me laugh and feel brilliant.” But excuse me for thinking that women, like men, are equally as sex driven and confident about their looks as our male counterparts.

There are numerous articles online such as “Guy Talk: The Real Reason Women Shouldn’t Make The First Move” that literally blame women who make the first move as catalysts for casual sex and the reason why men apparently don’t care about a woman if she is bold enough to be forthcoming.

In its finishing sentences the writer manages to plant this delightful seed of thought “See? It’s your fault you jumped into bed too soon, because you put the moves on him.” Articles like these {that were probably written by an actual penis} create a plethora of stupid and completely unjustified reasons for women to refrain from exercising any sexual dominance when we really should be asking men out for a drink left, right and centre.

Forgive me for not asking how you are going dear women friends, it’s very rude of me to forget to do so in this extremely important letter. You’re probably confused about a boy you have been seeing for a while and you don’t know if he wants to be your boyfriend. Maybe you should ask him out? What’s the worst that could happen? He could say no and sure, you may be bruised and tender for a while but you sure as hell exercised your fierce right of sexual freedom and choice of courtship. Go you.

It’s almost like we are stuck in social anomaly- in high income nations women have economic prosperity, are highly educated and hold professional careers. Yet the scent of awkwardness lingers in the air at the idea of a woman paying for a dinner date or buying a man a drink at a bar if she thinks he is attractive.

Some say that chivalry is dead. As the educated, goal oriented women that we are- let’s set an admirable example of respect and courtship instead of mulling around for what an age old societal ‘rule’ says we should do. It could be called ‘Ovalry’. Maybe not, now I’m just getting excited.

I must go now dear lady friends; I have a date with a man who I asked out at a bar. But promise me this until we next talk, when you next meet someone who tickles your fancy, for 10 minutes you will free yourself from the shackles of womanly expectations- forget about makeup, fake tan, spanx and lip balm- and ask the lucky bugger out.

Keep well,

Loopy-Lou

Image Credits {1, 2}

// GUEST CONTRIBUTOR

Louise is someone you would call a ‘hobbies hussy’ and has a myriad of hobbies that include performing improvised comedy, trumpet playing, onesie collecting , jazz singing, swing dancing and identifying herself under the hashtag of #catlady4eva. She is a former Arts student, now Health Science student aspiring to be a Drama student and is in a constant state of confusion and bewilderment about her direction in life. She has short hair and relishes in the knowledge that she is low maintenance, as it would take too much time away from discovering new hobbies. Keep on top of her latest dating mishaps at: www.loumapes.wordpress.com