COPING WITH CHRONIC FATIGUE :: THE RELAPSE

As someone who suffered with chronic fatigue for nearly a decade, I know how downright devastating it is when you’ve started to recover, and all of a sudden fatigue barges in again uninvited, like a bunch of teenagers gate crashing a party with a six pack of Bacardi Breezers.

Yep, I’ve been up to my old tricks. Getting caught up in work and not taking time out to do the things that keep me centred. Why hello fatigue and burn out, here we are again. How do you take your tea? White with one?

// This is Only Temporary

Sometimes the fear of the relapse is worse than the actual relapse itself. A merry go-round of mounting hysteria that waves and blows kisses every time it goes round and round.

‘Oh fuck no way. I’m not going back there. Can’t go back there. How much more of this can I possibly take? I thought I was getting better. Please no, not this again. What if I go back to how I was and can’t do anything again?’

The stomach churning anxiety that grips me and squeezes every last bit of breath out of my body, rendering me physically incapacitated and sending my brain into a complete spazzo of overwhelm.

We first need to acknowledge and accept that we are having a setback. And then we can remind ourselves, “This feeling is only temporary. It will pass, I am alright.* I’ve survived this before, I’ll survive it again.”

// Remember How Far You’ve Come

Once you’ve talked yourself down off the ledge, it’s time to remember how far you’ve come. And for sufferers of an illness that’s often not acknowledged as legitimate, only you really know how far that is. Those teeny tiny small personal milestones you celebrated within yourself {whilst others were busy accusing you of being lazy}, which became the stepping stones to recovery.

Got out of bed today and made it to the kitchen and back – check.

Could stand at the sink and wash my plate – check.

Managed to go to the shops and buy groceries – check.

And for me, coming from those kinds of moments, to now running two online magazines and freelancing in public relations, it should be easy for me to see how far I’ve come. But not always so mon frere.

In moments of relapse I forget. I forget to remind myself of days all those years ago when I would struggle to work a 4 hour shift at Country Road straightening coat hangers without having to run to the toilets to hide the tears from struggling to stand upright.

This is the time to say to yourself, it’s okay. I’ll be okay. Look at how far I’ve already come. This is just a setback, and I can only be having a setback if I’ve actually gotten better.*

// Have You Been Taking On Too Much?

Once we’ve gotten better, we want to charge on and do all those things we’ve had locked away for all those years. Dreams quashed deep down inside out of necessity to abate the depression that would swallow us alive and spit us out for breakfast if we allowed our mind to ponder them for any length of time without the physical capability of being able to do them.

And hell, being your classic all or nothing personality doesn’t help either. A far off distant voice whispers, “Gaynor, remember how you ended up with chronic fatigue in the first place by overdoing it.”

Pffft. I’ve got shit to do. Dreams to make happen. I’m fiiiiiine now.

And I am fine 95% of the time. Organised. Efficient. All www.igetshitdone.com

But, surely I should know better by now, right? No. Lessons learned and unlearned and relearned. But dear friends, this is no time for self judgmental banter. This is time to be gentle. Regroup. Unwind. Rest. Find the stop button. Push pause. Recharge before we relapse.

// Do Those Things That Restore YOU

Along with everyone’s cause for chronic fatigue being a lock and key puzzle that is personal to them, so are the things you do that help you to feel better.

For me a massage always brings me back to the centre. Along with taking some extra magnesium, having a long bath, burning some lavender oil and incence and taking a day to stay in bed and read magazines or have a DVD marathon.

Here’s my step-by-step relapse checklist:

• “This feeling is only temporary, it will pass I am alright. I have survived this before, I will survive it again.”
• Look at how far I’ve come and remind myself it’s just a setback.
• Write down everything that I may be worrying about, so that it gets it out of my head and stops my brain going spazzo.
• Let go of all I have to do. Check my calendar and reschedule my week {where possible} to create some breathing space {this is no time for social niceities, and remember what your overload is may be different to another’s, so don’t compare yourself to what you think others are capable of}.
• Take some time to nurture myself.
• Schedule those things into my calendar that help me to stay centered and prevent relapsing again.

How do you cope when you’ve recovered from chronic fatigue but suffer a relapse?

Image Credits: {1, 2, 3}

* This affirmation and pearl of wisdom are from Stress Therapist, Chris G’Froerer who runs stress management courses in Perth. I was lucky enough to attend her course over ten years ago, and still to this day I use these thoughts to centre myself in times of overwhelm.