The universe has a bitchy sense of humour. She also has some pretty exceptional comic timing. This is a story of the universe’s nasty streak.

I love beauty. However, sometimes I fail in the beauty stakes. A couple of months ago, I was getting ready for a day at university, mindful of the fact that I had a little thing called Melbourne Writer’s Club on that evening which I always vamp myself up for nicely. So I got up early, chose a nice dress and rushed to my beauty cupboard.

I had acquired a hair curling product that required no blow drying or heat styling. This was very exciting because I’m lazy and blow drying makes my arms hurt. It instructed to scrunch the product though damp hair and let it dry naturally.  At first, I scrunched in a very reasonable amount. I noticed that my normally wavy hair was beginning to spring up as it dried, into gorgeous curls. They were PARFAIT! Advice nugget one: If it’s parfait, maybe leave it that way.

I began scrunching more and more and even more through it. My curls got springier and springier. I was basically having a curl party in my bathroom. The best kind of party. Or so I thought.

I felt fab. In my sister’s dress, my fave lipstick, my (fake) ray bans and most importantly my curls. I visited a friend and she commented on how good I looked. Externally, I flipped my hair and babbled along the lines of “oh tosh…just threw this together…insert attempt at an attractive giggle/chuckle combo” Advice nugget 2: attractive giggle/chuckle combo is notoriously hard to achieve. Avoid at all costs.

All the while, inside, I was reliving my curl party and thinking “preaching to the choir, girl!” Advice nugget 3: Never get cocky. Always be confident. But crossing this line seems to make the bitchy universe act like she’s on universe sized PMS.

Later on, something changed. No matter how I moved my head, my hair stayed still. And every now and then I heard an odd crunching noise.  I ignored it until I popped to the loo before heading to Melb Writer’s Club. The only words to describe my feeling were Holy. Merde.

A very dear friend of mine once said “I believe all hair product only ends up making your hair look worse.” Big call. And I have devoted my life to proving her wrong. But in this case she may have been right.

My hair was stiff. It was greasy. And, possibly worst of all, it crunched.  Actually, looking back, it’s hard to pick which was the worst part.

After hovering in front of the mirror for a few minutes in utter disbelief, I shoved my crunchy hair into a bun. Good God, it looked worse.I thought I had hit rock bottom. But the universe had an ace up her sleeve (when does she not?) Who would I meet that night at MWC? None other than Gaynor Alder. Also known as the most naturally glam lady to grace the world. I had not envisaged meeting her with greasy, crunchy hair. Touché, universe, touché.

But, darlings, this is where the REAL message comes in. I crunched my way through that night, yes I did. I was brave and I spoke to Gaynor, faked confidence until I gradually forgot about my hair. And somehow, I ended up with this internship. I think the universe figured she’d thrown enough merde my way.

So, in my first column to you, I say, no matter what merde the universe throws your way, think fabulous thoughts and you’ll get through it. And even if a hair product is really amazing, it pays to use it with restraint.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Despite her mammoth collection of beauty products, Amy is not particularly glamorous. However, she really, really wishes that she were. And it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it? She’s a communications student with an alarming curiosity for random anecdotes of strangers’ lives and an unusual passion for bridal shopping shows (where all the best anecdotes from strangers are revealed.) She’ll be putting this to use to source the best feature-worthy stories and pen a little about her own efforts at a sophisticated life. By the way, Amy is exceedingly chatty and would love to hear your random anecdotes. Should you feel like sharing, get in touch with her on Twitter @AmyLCassell

By Gaynor Alder

I don’t know about you, but when I was single and traipsing through bars and nightclubs in the early hours of the morning, there was a stereotype of man that I got well and truly sick of. I’m sure you know just the man I’m talking about.

Whilst I was dressed to the nines and demurely sipping on cocktails a.k.a. Carrie Bradhsaw, there was always that specimen who saw it fit to obnoxiously violate my personal space, with a “hello love, how ya goin’?” whilst simultaneously spilling the contents of his drink down the front of my new Lisa Ho top.

More often than not, he’d be closely guarding a beer {although, obviously not closely guarded enough}. Clearly, neither myself or my Lisa Ho top were spending time at the most salubrious of establishments. Either that, or these men had got wind that there were females roaming the city after 3am in an establishment that still served beer?

Whilst these men were not always beer drinkers, many times their breath did concur that they’d been ordering lager at the bar all night long.  And the fact that they’d not only ruined my new $200 top combined with breath that smelt like the floor of a night club the morning after, meant I quickly hot footed it away from them in search of a classier male suitor.

A recent study conducted with Sydney women, has indicated that they view men who choose beer as their drink of choice are boring, predictable, unoriginal and are likely to have a beer belly.

The Newspoll[1] study of 1,000 Australian women, undertaken by Canadian Club in response to being crowned Australia’s fastest growing spirits & premix trademark for the second year in a row, suggests that not only are Australian women over beer, but also over those who prefer it to other alcoholic beverages. The study found that 57% of all those surveyed believe that beer is the most boring and predictable alcoholic beverage that a man could choose to drink at a bar.

They went on to say:

53% of females surveyed thought that it would be a refreshing change from the norm for a man to choose an alternative alcoholic beverage to beer, while among those surveyed who had a partner, 27% say they’d prefer that their husband, partner or boyfriend did not drink beer at all! Men should also take heed when choosing a drink to buy for a woman at a bar or party, as 41% of females said they would be interested in talking to a man who offered to buy them a spirit.”

What are your thoughts?

Do you agree with the study?

When you first meet a man, does it matter to you the kind of beverage he chooses to order?

Do you think that men who choose to drink beer, are boring and predictable?

Would it put you off if you a met a man who had a beer belly and he ordered a beer?

[1] This Newspoll study was conducted online in April among n=1,000 females ages 18-64 nationally

{This post is sponsored by Canadian Club. Visit the Beer Fairies Support Group here.}

My great, great grandmother Emma Postans {what a woman!}

By Gaynor Alder

Mother’s Day is the day we honour our mums. We buy them gifts to thank them for all they’ve done and sacrificed for us – all selflessly and with endless love. But how can you really find a gift that represents that kind of love? Only words can really do that. And even as a writer, I struggle.

They say that we’ll never really know what our mums have done for us, until we become a mum ourselves. As a mid 30s woman who doesn’t have children, I can’t comment on this, but I can only imagine. But I am an aunty, and I have felt that unconditional love. The kind of love that has you get out of bed when you still have sleep in your eyes, just so you can do crafts together. The kind of love that has you push on to play Monopoly when you don’t have any energy left. The kind of love that has you want to run out in front of a car and take the hit, if they were ever in danger. {Did your mum ever slam on the brakes and immediately put her arms over you when she had to come to a sudden stop at traffic lights, like mine?}

On a recent trip back home to Perth, I started looking up my mum’s mum, and her mum on the internet. My lineage. My heritage. The very reason I am here. All that these woman have done, has contributed to the woman that I am. Whether it is nature or nurture, their lives fascinate me. Because without them, I wouldn’t be.

My great grandmother Emily Smith {nee Mortimer} was one of 20. Yes, that wasn’t a misprint, that said one of 20 {my poor great great grandmother sans modern inventions such as pain relief and stretch mark cream}. They were dairy farmers and established an area in Perth, and many street names are respectively named after them.

My great grandmother Emily aged 4, circa 1904 {the limp and frail looking one in her sister's arms}

As a child, I was always fascinated by this picture of Emily surrounded by her siblings. I would stare at it for ages because the reason the photo was taken, was because they thought she was going to die. And I would often remark, how if she had died, I wouldn’t be here, and the number of lives that would’ve been affected because she didn’t live and have her children, who had their children, who all infiltrated other people’s lives. And for the love of God, the sheer logistics -  we’re talking quite a number of horse and carts that had to trundle through the bush to Fremantle, just to get the photo taken. Here’s the full listing of her siblings on Ancestry.com. Grace Ada and Charlotte did well in the baby stake names, but their sister Fanny, not so well.

Emily’s daughter Beryl, was my dear nanna. A beautiful woman who baked apple pie from scratch, made her own lamingtons and whipped up the best mashed potatoes a kid could ever want. Through her cooking and everything else she did, she loved us with all she had. And she did something else amazing. She gave birth to my mum.

My mum, another beautiful woman. A woman who has worked her life to give us the best life possible. A woman who has always put us first. And this gets me back to my original point. How do you thank a mum for that kind of devotion? All you can do is try.

So my dear mum, thank you for every single second of your love. Thank you for all that you have done for me over the past 35 years, to help make me who I am today.

I hope I have done you proud.

Love Gaynor xx

I mentioned a while ago on Living Savvy, that I met some great people at the launch of Rebecca Sparrow’s new book Find Your Tribe (and 9 other things I wish I’d known in high school). What I didn’t get to talk about at that time was the book itself…

Something For Us All – Regardless of Age

The book is promoted as an indispensable guide for surviving and thriving in your teen years. However, despite the fact I left those behind me long ago, I still found plenty to connect to within the ten lessons – Rebecca’s definitely a savvy woman with a very savvy perspective on life!

What is ‘Finding your Tribe’?

The title of the book comes from the first lesson in which Rebecca comes right to the point:

“Life is too short to hang around with bitchy, negative people. So don’t.

True friends are those that support your dreams, cheer you on… They provide a soft place for you to fall and are there to comfort you… real friends don’t put you down or humiliate you… real friends don’t leave you out… real friends ‘have your back’… they’re fiercely loyal and protective…”

Your tribe, then, are those important friends who help you be your best.

The Importance of Friendship to Living Savvy

When we’re living savvy, and aspiring to live an extraordinary life, we need good friends who share our vision, celebrate with us, encourage and challenge us to be true to who we are and what we believe.

We also need to steer clear of those people who hold us back, drain our energy, or try to make us into something we’re not.

Sometimes it’s very difficult, even as a grown woman (as Rebecca acknowledges in her book!), to recognise those ‘friends’ who are not your true tribe, those that diminish you, and then to take action to get them out of your life.

I think the first step to building your true tribe, to answer the savvy question of ‘Who completes me?’, is to know yourself. Who you are and who you want to be?

Final Word

As I said, find your tribe is just the first of ten lessons in Rebecca’s book – she has much more to say about resilience, health and well-being, career, self-image and belief. This book is definitely worth a read as there is a message (or two, or three) in there for all of us, and, of course, it is a fantastic gift for the younger girls in your life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jo Bassett from Living Savvy is an executive and performance coach, team leader and facilitator, wife, mother of two spirited little people, big-time dreamer and idea explorer. She founded the living savvy movement to inspire people like you to live your dream life, and to give you the tools you need to make it happen. Click here to follow her on Facebook, watch on Living Savvy TV, or view her You Tube page.

By Gaynor Alder

I used to be high maintenance. On the beauty front that is.

• Nails always polished to perfection
• Hair immaculately groomed at all times
• Religiously rubbed every cream known to womankind on my body to combat cellulite, stretch marks and sagging skin
• Fake tanned to kingdom come
• Scoured the internet for hours for the latest wrinkle creams
• Cleansed, toned and moisturised along with serums, masks, exfoliators and anything else I could get my manicured hands on
• Weekly pedicures for baby soft feet
• Never left home unless I looked like a vintage movie star, even if I was just going to do the groceries

And I loved it. Every god damn single second of it. But then something happened.

Life got in the way.

No longer did I have the energy and exuberance for being a beauty product whore. My hair got frizzy, my nails started sporting chipped polish, and my lily white skin was there for all to be blinded by. Audrey Hepburn would roll in her grave.

But then I got smart. I realised that I could embrace a new ‘beauty regime me’, and so effortless elegance was born. Channeling Audrey, by taking care of the basics, so the rest takes care of itself.

My friend {let’s call her M} has this down to a fine art. She always looks immaculate, like she’s spent hours in front of the mirror every morning, but in fact, she confesses when she puts on her make up, it’s all slap, slap, slap and good to go. But that’s because she takes such good care of the details.

This isn’t about letting go completely. Because frizzy hair is going to need some care and your nails some attention, but what it is about is taking on a more minimal approach to beauty, whilst maximising the results. And let it be known, I’ll still always love getting in my boudoir and applying false eyelashes and glamming it up for a special occasion.

Skin

What we’re looking for here are beauty products that pack a big punch, to keep your skin in tippety top condition.

1. Dermalogica Special Cleansing Gel

2. Cosmedix Gentle Clean

3. Guinot Masque Vital Antridese

4. Guinot Creme Hydra Sensitive

5. Clinique Turnaround Concentrate

6. Clinique Turnaround Overnight Radiance Moisturiser

The Five Minute Face

Slap on some tinted moisturiser, a quick eye, cream blush, mascara and lippie and you’re good to go. And when your skin is in prime condition, you can carry off miminal make up with aplomb.

1. Benefit Big Beautiful Eyes Palette

2. Clinique Cream Stick

3. Nude by Nature Mineral Makeup

4. Benefit Lip Plump

5. Benefit Mod Squad Lipstick

Hair

Spending money on good hair care is a worthwhile investment that will pay dividends – especially when you don’t have much time to style it.

1. KMS Silk Sheen

2. Kevin Murhpy Hydrate-Me Shampoo & Conditioner

3. Sebastian Liquid Gloss {to tame the dreaded frizz}

4. Rokk Ebony Heat Protection Shampoo & Heat Nourishing Conditioner

5. Loreal Absolut Repair Cellular Shampoo, Conditioner & Mask

If you have wash and wear hair, well goody for you. Us other mere mortals, have to take to our tresses with heated appliances. But, if you give yourself a good blow dry once a week, then you can wear it out for at least three days and then put it up in an Audrey-esque top bun for at least another two days. You can also take to it with a straightener, and then maintain with a quick once over in between washing, rinsing and repeating.

1. BaByliss PRO Nano Titanium Portofino Hair Dryer

2. Remington Keratin Smart Sensor Straightener

3. Top knot in minutes by Christina from Hair Romance

Perfume

One thing we women are never too busy for is perfume.

1. Gucci II

2. Estee Lauder Private Collection Gardenia & Tuberose

3. Daisy by Marc Jacobs

Disclosure: All of the products mentioned in this article have been reviewed by MWSG. MWSG were sent these products to review, but have not been paid to endorse them. MWSG does not promote products that they wouldn’t purchase themselves. Click here for further information in relation to the ethics behind MWSG’ beauty reviews.

I know that you have the talent and ability to create and live a good life regardless of anything I tell you or not. However now that I am a parent to two children {a daughter and a son} with wonderfully strong spirits whose presence has turned my life upside down, every day I walk the line between providing guidance and reassurance and telling them things that I know as wisdom but they hear as nagging.

Me who is you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jo Bassett from Living Savvy is an executive and performance coach, team leader and facilitator, wife, mother of two spirited little people, big-time dreamer and idea explorer (with a Masters Degree and PhD research underway).

She founded the living savvy movement to inspire people like you to live your dream life, and to give you the tools you need to make it happen. Click here to follow her on Facebook.

With Mother’s Day fast approaching on Sunday May 13, Magshop’s magazine subscriptions are the perfect last minute gift idea. Because after all, what mum doesn’t love sitting down with a cuppa and a magazine?

And wouldn’t the ultimate thank you for a lifetime of love, be taking her on a luxury mother and daughter overseas holiday? Swanning through the tropics of Tahiti together, before shopping up a storm in Los Angeles? Sound like the stuff dreams are made of?

Well, Magshop is making this possible for one lucky subscriber. Simply by giving your mum a magazine subscription for Mother’s Day, you go in the draw to win a trip for 2 to Tahiti and Los Angeles including $5000 spending money.

You’ll fly business class with Air Tahiti Nui, luxuriate for 7 nights in deluxe accommodation in Tahiti, spend 6 nights in an overwater bungalow at the InterContinental Bora Bora Le Moana Resort, enjoy 1 night at the InterContinental Tahiti Resort, before jetting over to L.A. for 7 nights at the InterContinental Los Angeles Century City.

With Magshop offering the a diversified range of magazines from Australia’s leading publishers, there’s no shortage of titles to choose from that cater for every mum’s cup of tea.

If your mum is style conscious and takes pride in her home, there’s a comprehensive range of home improvement magazines including Real Living, which is devoted to women who enjoy creating a beautiful ambience in their home, whipping up gourmet meals for their family and shopping for gifts for their loved ones.

For the mum who enjoys the finer things in life and likes staying up to date with the latest interior design trends, think Belle. For the green thumb, ABC Gardening, Australian House & Garden or Burke’s Backyard dispense expert advice that will help her create a stunning and thriving garden.

Or, if she’s crafty then there’s Australian Quilters Companion, Australian Homespun and Australian Knitting. And of course, every mum can always use more recipe ideas to feed the troops with Recipes Plus.

{This post is sponsored by Magshop Mother’s Day gift promotion.}

By Gaynor Alder

As you, our dear readers at MWSG know, we’re very passionate about the notion of Romancing the Everyday. Remembering that whilst we are all working towards something, that it’s the celebration of the everyday along the way that matters the most.

But, sometimes life gets in the way. We find ourselves hurtling from one day to the next in a complete state of dishelvement, and we forget to honour the present moment. Guilty as charged!

I’ve just returned from a beautiful two week holiday in the motherland {Perth}, and have just moved house. Yikes! And along the way, I’ve been too busy to remember to do the simple and beautiful things that have each and every day take on the special quality that it should.

But, I’m back. Because no matter what is going on in our lives and what we are striving for, we must never forget that all that really matters is each and every day that life gives us. Because we can never really know when this could be taken away from us. And so often it takes a major life event to make us realise this, but I want to call a motion, that it shouldn’t take this for us to all start cherishing every second of life we are given.

So, this week, as I play catch up with my schedule and get on top of my inbox, I’m turning simple into special by lighting beautiful candles and scenting my space with divine fragrances.

1 {Merci Orange Blossom Room Spray by Tonic Australia}

2 {Merci Orange Blossom Room Reeds by Tonic Australia}

3 {Frangipiani Pomegranate Room Reeds by SunnyLife}

4.{Frangipani Promegranate Soy Wax Candle by SunnyLife}

5 {Paris Inspired Candle by Voyager Candles}

6 {White Hydrangea Candle by MOR}

7 {Harmony Orange Blossom Candle by Pompadour}

Featured {Tubarose Floriosa Candle from Ambrosia Candles}

By Gaynor Alder

I’ve always been a city girl, and my sense of self has always felt lovingly wrapped up in the joie de vivre of its energy. The way its streets pulse with life. The glamorous lifestyle it offers its occupants. Being surrounded by creative people. Quick commutes to the city. Strutting out my door to a cafe for breakfast. Shops within metres from my doorstep.

Leaving the inner city ring is like someone slowly switching off my oxygen, and my soul screams out as it drains the life out of me, suburb by suburb, street by street, home by home. JUST. NOT. ME.

But, something else has become important to me at this point in time. My independence. Having my own space. A sense of security. A sanctuary for my soul so that I can continue to create, without being at the mercy of other people. And as I continue to grow a successful writing business, I have a decision to make.

I could keep living in an inner city apartment that has a shoebox for a wardrobe, or I could move out for a year or so, into a 2 bedroom townhouse in the suburbs that has a space for my office and be financially buoyant. But it doesn’t make the decision any less excruciating, and this inner crisis is a doozy, because it pushes on my core fear. My very essence. Everything I’m about.

Never sacrificing who I am to work the 9 to 5 grind, just so I can have a mortgage and settle in the suburbs.

Seems I’m staring down the barrel of an existential crisis that has me at a psychological standstill. Move to the suburbs so I can continue to follow my dreams, yet in doing so enter territory that is the seeming antithesis of those very dreams.

Check-fucking-mate.

Am I opening the doorway to compromise, and in doing so will it swallow my sense of self whole one compromise at a time until I am shadow of my former self? Will I give up and accept it forever, just because it’s easier? Will I give up on my dream of being a writer with an inner city lifestyle, just so I can I have a roof over my head? Will I compromise my creative self and get stuck in the suburbs forever?

Of course my psyche is knocking on the door to my confused soul, ready to chime in with its unwanted two cents to add to the head fuckery that is holding my sense of self to ransom.

“We all have to make sacrifices, what makes you so special?”

“We all have to work to make a living and keep a roof over our heads.”

“You should just be grateful just to have somewhere to live. There are people in Africa who have no food and water, you know.”

“You sound like a right selfish, self centred, spoilt brat.”

Bullshit I say to that. Bullshit.

As a creative person who is taking practical steps to grow a thriving business, I take umbrage to these kind of thoughts. Because it’s these very thoughts that hold too many of us captive. Too many of these thoughts quash our self belief that we are worthy of following our dreams. Too many of these thoughts that have people capitulate and surrender themselves to dogmatic practicality that is a breeding ground for unfulfillment and mid life crises.

Why shouldn’t there be more support for people who want to do what they love in order to keep a roof over their heads?

Whilst we have endless compassion, why should we let our benchmark of what we should accept for ourselves be set by those in extreme poverty and horrible circumstances? Wouldn’t they too want more for themselves if they could?

Why shouldn’t we focus on our happiness? Because the more people who are living live with meaning and fulfillment, the more joy there is being spread throughout the world, that touches, inspires and lifts others to live their best lives too.

So existential crisis, pack your bags and eff off. Because I know who I am and who I am not. I know that it matters. I trust in myself to stay true to who I am, no matter what life throws my way, just like I always have. And if I change and happen to embrace a new way of life, I know that it will be because it’s right, and I will let happiness be my indicator of this.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Gaynor Alder is a Melbourne based writer with a penchant for vintage glamour and all things Parisian. She started writing The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide, after the umpteenth person told her, you know you should really write a book. Her fingers struggled daily to keep up with the thoughts that desperately wanted to become words on pages, to take centre stage in a book that she knew was going to become the new voice of womankind. Her calling, her destiny, her whatever you want to call it, Gaynor writes because she can’t not write. She is also the Editor-in-Chief of the Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide and stands by her adage that the quality of your life, is dictated by the quality of your hair.

By Gaynor Alder – First published on 13th April 2011

It takes me hours to get ready for a hot date to perfect that effortlessly stylish and natural look. I engage in a starvation diet in bid to lose 3 kilos in a day, requiring one to obsessively step on the scales at half hour intervals through out the day to chart one’s progress. I blow dry and straighten my hair to within an inch of its life; and shave, tweeze and pluck every superfluous hair from my body (including emergency waxing of nether regions).

I obsess about what to wear, trawling my wardrobe and anyone else’s I can get my hands on, inevitably having to do a last minute dash around the shops breathing into a brown paper bag to abate anxiety attacks in quest for perfect shoes to match the outfit. I’m not planning to sleep with him of course (ahem, what kind of girl does that on the first date?) but I make sure I have my best underwear on, because we all know that whenever you wear your everyday knickers, that we’ll end up in the throws of passion leaving yourself a small window of time to warehouse suspect knickers (requiring Lara Croft gymnastic manoeuvres with your feet and his doona) before your trusty well worn cotton briefs destroy the moment.

After the date, having exhausted my repertoire of witty banter and charming display my best self, I ring everyone I know (and more than likely have ever met) to conduct a post-mortem, dissecting the date in every minute detail, trying to ascertain whether he likes me, will he call and furthermore when will he call?

And then nothing.

Not only am I playing it cool to him, I’m also playing it cool to myself.  I’m not waiting for his call I tell myself, whilst I keep busy (even though everything I do is really only a pretend distraction from the fact I’m waiting for his call). I stop to check my messages, but I’m not checking for messages from him, I’m just checking for messages in general.

However, as soon as the phone rings, I drop everything to run and answer it, knocking over anything and everything in my way.  Before answering, I pause to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to sound poised, however it’s not as easy to disguise my disappointment when it doesn’t turn out to be him.

To: hels@hotmail.com, dk@yahoo.com.au, sezzy@gmail.com, 
ang@iprimus.com.au, kate@hotmail.com, dk@yahoo.com.au, ness@hotmail.com, amanda@iinet.net.au, anita@hotmail.com
From: g@y7mail.com
Subject: Emergency Summit: Why hasn’t he called?

- He saw my cellulite that I painstakingly tried to conceal by only conducting certain flattering sexual positions

- He doesn’t want to look too keen

- He may call during the week – must not obsess, over think this option or hang by phone

- He put the wrong number into my phone – perhaps I should call him to double check?

- He may never call again and I shall endue major blow to my self esteem

To: g@yahoo.com.au
From: hels@hotmail.com
CC: dk@yahoo.com.au, sezzy@gmail.com, 
ang@iprimus.com.au, kate@hotmail.com, dk@yahoo.comau, ness@hotmail.com, Amanda@iinet.net.au, anita@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Emergency Summit: Why hasn’t he called?

Ok stop eating now! First of all you need to stop analysing darling – yes I mean right now.  Yes you had an amazing night and would like more but we can’t control what goes on in other people’s minds and definitely not the opposite sex let alone understand it.

I could tell you lots of reasons why he may not be calling but in the end it really doesn’t matter.  You’re fucking amazing and if he doesn’t want to be part of that, well it’s his loss – I know it sounds cliché but it’s true, true, true!

Love me xxx

To: g@hotmail.com
From: dk@iinet.net.au
CC: hels@hotmail.com, dk@yahoo.com.au, sezzy@gmail.com, 
ang@iprimus.com.au, kate@hotmail.com, dk@yahoo.comau, ness@hotmail.com, amanda@iinet.net.au, anita@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Emergency Summit – Why hasn’t he called?

You know my thoughts my love.  He may call, he may not.  That is beside the point.  The task before you now is to find another contender – another competitor for your affections.  I say move on then when he calls you’ll be in a much more empowered position to respond with an air of coquettish indifference.  In my view, you should always have a couple of contenders on the sidelines, but you already know my position on this one.

To: g@y7mail.com
From: sezzy@gmail.com
CC: hels@hotmail.com, dk@yahoo.com.au, sezzy@gmail.com, 
ang@iprimus.com.au, kate@hotmail.com, dk@yahoo.comau, ness@hotmail.com, Amanda@iinet.net.au, anita@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Emergency Summit – Why Hasn’t He Called?

You’re not the 711 open 24/7 for his convenience only. I say give him a week, and if he doesn’t call wipe the fucker’s number from your phone love.

Image credits: 1, 2

By Gaynor Alder – First published on 8th June 2011

We’ve all stared down the barrel of making a decision that requires us to take a leap of faith. A decision that requires us to trust what we feel inside versus practical evidence. Because when it comes to taking a risk for what matters the most to us, it means we have to be strong in the face of practicalities’ chitter chatter.

The chitter chatter that tells us we’re throwing away a responsible well paid job. The chitter chatter that wrestles with our minds and plagues our self worth as we say no to doing what society expects of us.

But the thing is this. Your self worth is not derived from the job that you do, the money that you earn, and nor does it matter what anyone else thinks of your decisions. Because the only person you have to answer to is yourself, and anyone who isn’t going to wholeheartedly support you in chasing what means the most to you, can quite frankly, fuck off. Yes, there I did it. I swore on my blog – and rightfully bloody so.

For what is the point of living, if it’s not to live – and surely living means doing the things that make us happy? Doing things that fill us with joy. Doing things that have us get out of bed every day filled with a sense of purpose. For the record, let it be known, that I’m not someone who merely philosphises and preaches without the courage to back up what I’m saying.

Because, I too have chosen to say no to being a slave to a relentless schedule that slowly, yet ever so surely grinds my dreams away, and in doing so, I have cut back my day job to 3 days per week in the name of becoming a financially self sustained writer.

I realised that unless I take a leap of faith and make more time for my writing, I will never realise my dream. Cutting back my hours means that I will have to sacrifice certain things for a period of time, but these are sacrifices that I am willing to make – because I can see the big picture, and that picture is painted with all the colours of the rainbow. I’m not sacrificing myself so that I can retire comfortably in 25 years, I’m sacrificing a few little things from my budget each week so that I can live an authentic life, now and in the future. A happy life that means something to me inside.

It also means that I have to place trust and a whole load of self belief in my writing. Yikes! It’s scary as hell, but at the end of the day I have nothing to lose, because I can always go back to the corporate world.

In the interim I’m choosing to trust the voice inside of me that says, “Gaynor, you need more time to write”. “Gaynor you need to temporarily live on less money.” “Gaynor you need to grab the opportunities that lay before with both hands and take them as far as you possibly can.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not adverse to a fat pay check at the end of every week. Au contraire. I love money. I love being comfortable and enjoying the pleasures that money brings. But, when push comes to shove, shove will win. Because, I will not whore myself out to live a part time life. The part time life that comes from working in a job that isn’t what I really want to do, just so I can live on the weekends. Because I believe we can all earn money from doing what we love, and in turn live a life we love – all of the time.

You could say I know a thing or two about writing resumes. You see, in a past life I used to work in the recruitment industry. My first job was working in a busy manic office, typing resumes for the recruitment consultants – we’re talking back in the days before the internet revolutionised the office place and we had to fax resumes to our clients. Thankfully the internet arrived 6 months later and saved me from the perils of working on tenders that had to be sent on a floppy disk in express post bags to our interstate offices.

Soon after, I scaled the dizzying heights of the recruitment ladder, becoming a bona fide recruitment consultant, ingesting coffee into my veins like a heroin addict, inhaling my lunch behind a computer screen so I could work through my “break” and eating more blueberry danishes from the downstairs cafe that I care to remember. After leaving the industry vowing never to return, I eventually dipped my toe back in the shark infested recruitment waters setting up shop as a resume writer for a number of years. So, yes, like I said. Bona fide.

In terms of resumes, I’ve seen it all. With clients breathing down my neck giving me deadlines of “we need this person like yesterday”, I’ve sifted through god knows how many piles of resumes in search of the right candidate. So, I’m about to give you some inside information on what makes a resume stand out when you hit send and apply for a job. Because I’m nice like that.

What you do with your resume, is equally as important as what you don’t do with your resume. With sometimes only 15 or so seconds to capture a potential employers’ interest, you don’t want to commit any resume felonies that will have you discarded quicker than a bride’s nightie.

DO tailor your resume to the job you are applying for. This not only counts for content, but also presentation. I can’t stress this enough.

DON’T include your date of birth. This is considered discrimination.

DO ascertain what your point of difference is. What is is that makes you stand out from other people? Lead your resume with a profile of 3 to 4 lines that communicates your expertise, your point of difference and supporting evidence from your career history, that makes the recruiter spit out their coffee and dial your number quicker than Carrie Bradshaw hotfooting it to a 75% off designer shoe sale. Yes, you want to have them at hello.

DON’T include your hobbies. No employer really cares that you do salsa dancing on the weekend. Seriously. The only exception is if your hobby somehow ties into the role you are applying for.

DO include a list of your key strengths under your education. Look at the job description and bullet point list your strengths in relation to the skills they are looking for. See how you are making a match between yourself and the job description. I wasn’t lying about tailoring your resume for every job now was I?

DON’T use the same generic terms that everyone else uses on their resume. These just make the prospective employers’ eyes glaze over in boredom and lose interest. You want to capture their attention and hold it, like a can’t put down, I think I’ll even skip my shower tonight, page turning romance novel. I’m talking statements like “good communication skills”, “ability to work independently or as part of a team”…. if only I had a dollar …

DO use succinct statements that lead with a verb or action word – i.e. performed, demonstrated, achieved, increased, improved etc.

DON’T use the first half of your cover page to list your personal details. Think of your front page as prime real estate, and as such it needs to hook the reader in and encourage them to turn the page, otherwise they’ll just move onto the next resume. List your personal details obviously, but just don’t take half a page to do it.

DO bullet point your career history. List the company name, position and dates and then a bullet point list of what you did in each job. (Depending on the role you are applying for, include a paragraph about the company above your bullet points.) Readers will get lost in paragraphs of wording and you want to ensure that the information is easily absorbed. You don’t need to use full sentences, rather clear and concise statements. Recruiters will often be looking for specific experience that matches the job description, and they don’t want to have to read through paragraphs to ascertain the information.  They’re not lazy, they’re just often time poor – hence the eating lunch at the desk whilst answering phones and filling jobs.

DON’T use “I” in a resume. Never. Ever.

DO mention your achievements on the first page of your resume. Go on, blow your own trumpet. This is no time to be shy. Remember how I was waxing lyrical about the first page of your resume being prime real estate? Accordingly, why nestle your achievements in the other pages of your resume? You want to immediately communicate the benefit to an organisation of them hiring you. Quantify your achievements with bottom line results where possible. i.e. “implemented a stationery cost savings initiative that reduced company expenditure by $10,000 annually … you get the picture.

DON’T list your high school education unless you are a recent graduate.

DO only go back over the past 15 – 20 years maximum. You can summarise the rest of your history in a paragraph. Oh, and please don’t list that you worked at McDonalds when you were 16 when you are 30. Just becaused you worked somewhere, doesn’t mean you have to put it on your resume.

DON’T use superfluous words. i.e. you don’t need to write “RESUME” at the top, as it’s obvious it’s your resume. Equally, you don’t need to write “duties” above your bullet point list of tasks in each job. Yes, again, it’s obvious. The less unnecessary words, the more impact the important information will have.

DO position your completed tasks within each job not only with what you did but along with the results. Results don’t always have to be financial, they can be improved efficiency, maximising productivity etc.

DON’T put a picture of yourself on your resume. Again, this is discrimination. I don’t care if you look like a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, I’m only interested in whether you can do the job. I would hazard a guess and say that 95% of recruitment consultants will turn their nose up at a photo on a resume.

Resume length will vary in different countries. In the U.S. or U.K. many favour a 1 to 2 page resume, whereas in Australia they can be from 1 to 3  pages (up to 5 pages for senior management if required) - however one thing remains the same. Clear and concise resumes that successfully meet the job description are the way forward.

By Gaynor Alder – First posted on 9th December, 2011

We interrupt our holiday popular posts transmission to bring you this brand spanking new article. You didn’t think I’d really be able to restrain myself from the keyboard for a whole week now did you? Inspired by yesterday’s How to Overcome Power Trippers in the Workplace, I felt compelled to put down my margarita and fake tan to write this article.

Not all workplaces are created equal. Here are five reasons you should quit your job and hit Seek quicker than Kim Kardashian leaving a marriage.

Office Politics

There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to do your job and having to deal with other people’s bullshit. Some people simply have nothing better to do than to be difficult, gossip, meddle and create negativity. They thrive on it, gathering troops to make everyone’s life around them miserable, because deep down they are just plain nasty and insecure.

One of my personal favourites, are the ones who feel threatened because you can do what they can’t and it makes them feel inferior, thus they martyr themselves and constantly make niggling passive aggressive comments (because martyrs aren’t a fan of being honest and upfront you see).

Beware, these types of people are damaging, as they do all they can to make you feel bad about being good at your job (consciously or subconciously) and put a full stop on any kind of progress so that things can stay the same and they can stay in their comfort zone. Attempting to nurture their insecurity with kindness, empathy and understanding to make them feel valued for who they are, can often turn out to be an exhausting waste of time when they continue regardless.

The only way to stop office politics is to address it head on. Now this can go two ways depending on the strength of your management. Some will take it on board and get it immediately, because they respect your professionalism and understand your commitment to your work.

However, weak management will brush it under the carpet and often point the finger back at you because they don’t know how to deal with it or don’t want to deal with it, and somehow it becomes your fault. Thus the perpetrator of the politics becomes the victim and is empowered to continue. A complete head fuck and a grave miscarriage of justice.

Your Worth is Not Valued

I don’t need to be constantly reassured, nor do I expect a row of can can dancers in my office every time I do a good job, but sometimes all it takes is two simple words – thank you. And I do expect to be paid properly for what I contribute to a company. It’s not that fucking complicated.

However, at the end of the day, some managers just don’t get it. And it’s a mighty tough pill to swallow when they reward other people who sit around flat out doing fuck all.

The task before you here is to hold your head high, know in your heart who you are and what you have to offer and move on to somewhere that does get it, because banging your head against their office door until it bleeds trying to make them understand is futile.

Like the dodgy boyfriend who didn’t appreciate you, they all soon learn the hard way once you’ve left.

Your Boss is a Bully

Just because someone pays your wages at the end of the week, it does not give them the right to treat you badly. Nobody has the right to raise their voice at you, compromise you or intimidate you. The repercussions of staying in an abusive work relationship can be just as damaging to your self worth as a bad personal relationship.

Bullies come in all shapes or sizes. Some will directly verbally abuse you, some will undermine your confidence and some will make you tip toe on egg shells around them. Sure they are paying you to do a job, but that doesn’t mean you have to nurse their shortcomings. They have a responsibility to communicate effectively and treat you right in exchange for the services that you provide. This is a two way street.

You’re Doing the Work of 4 People

“Ummm, we’re going through some cost cuttings at the moment so we’ve retrenched some staff, and unfortunately we need to cut your hours too. But, oh, by the way, you’re now expected to do your job with less pay and less hours, and also pick up the slack from the other people we just sacked. And, oh, if things don’t get done like they used to, we’ll still point the finger at you.”

WTF?!? No, I don’t think so sunshine.

But I Wanted to be a Ballerina

So many of us unwittingly forge our careers out of what our parents and society expect of us only to sink into the quarter life crisis, trying to reconcile why when we have ticked all the boxes we are so miserably unhappy and spend most of our working days wanting to run screaming to board the next plane overseas.

When you’re bored beyond belief with your job, and the people around you make you want to call OOO to perform emergency CPR on your soul, then it’s time to get back in touch with what you really want to do, regardless of others expectations.

This is no easy feat. In fact, standing on your own ground and forging out a life that means something to you independent of what everyone else says is right, will prove to be your greatest challenge in your 20s.

Give yourself the freedom to to take risks and explore who you are. With that will come perceived failure, as you move from one venture to another. But I beg of you, please know this. It takes greater courage and strength to step outside the perceived linear expectation of “success”, than those around you robotically following the formula others have laid down for them.

Sometimes we can only know who we are, by who are not. “Failure” is just a stepping stone for us to build upon to reach our greatest heights. Without the courage of exploration in the face of societal judgment, we will never really find out who we really are and be able to live a truly fulfilling life.

Watch this space in January, when MWSG will guide you through the highs and lows of job hunting, including expert advice from the recruitment industry.

By Gaynor Alder – First published on 8th February, 2012

LIST OF JOB BOARDS ADVERTISING CREATIVE POSITIONS

The likes of Seek and My Career are about as useful for creatives as a handbag of prophylactics are for a nun. If you’re a creative, then you need to find out where the creatives hang out. Otherwise, you’ll be getting nowhere fast with your job search and wondering if your dad was right when he said you should’ve got a “real job”.

Alas, do not fear, there are job boards across Australia where recruitment agents specialising in creative placements and businesses advertise. Just click on the website image to start your job search.

MORE …

Brand Nation

PRIA (Public Relations)

Mumbrella

B&T

Screen Hub

I would list Arts Hub, but I take umbrage to them charging job hunters to register on their site in order to view job descriptions.

RECRUITMENT AGENTS SPECIALISING IN CREATIVE PLACEMENTS

Melbourne

Rum Rebellion Recruitment

Smaart

CSP Apple

Sydney

The Tenth House

Alt Agency

Become

MORE …

Australian creative agencies listed on The Loop

Leave a comment below if you have any other sites or resources to add to this list.

You might also enjoy reading these related articles on The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide:

Tips for Writing Kick Ass Resumes That Will Have Employers at Hello

Office Politics and Other Reasons to Quit Your Job

Dealing with Power Trippers in the Workplace

By Gaynor Alder

Have you bought your mum a present for Mother’s Day yet? I don’t know about you, but I’m going online. Especially since simply by giving your mum a Recipes Plus or a cooking magazine subscription {amongst other magazines} you go in the draw to win the following:

1. Return Business Class Airfares for two people from Sydney-Tahiti-Los Angeles flying Air Tahiti Nui.

•         7 nights luxury accommodation in Tahiti:

•         6 nights stay in an overwater bungalow at the InterContinental Bora Bora Le Moana Resort.

•         1 night stay in a twin-share room at the InterContinental Tahiti Resort.

2. 7 nights stay in a twin-share room at the InterContinental Los Angeles Century City.
3. $5,000 spending money.

But a trip to LA & Bora Bora isn’t required to lure me to shop online. Not only because I’m time poor, but also because, well, if truth be told, I’m a shopping procrastinator. Which means you’ll often find me breathing into a brown paper bag to abate panic attacks whilst running around Chadstone Shopping Centre on Christmas Eve. I vow to reform my shopping faux pas and be a good little girl this Mother’s Day.

But go shopping on a Saturday after working all week? Too hard. Schlep around the shops for hours whilst trying to find something, and agonising over whether she will like it? Way too hard. Queue up in Myers for hours the day before Mother’s Day? I think I may need a Valium at the mere thought.

Shopping online means I can find the latest sales at the click of my manicured nails, without having to visit every store in the southern hemisphere to compare prices. Easy. Shopping online means that I can send my sisters links to things I think my mum might like and get their knowing approval. Super easy. But best of all? Shopping online means I can peruse stores from the comfort of my chaise lounge, whilst draped in my silk dressing gown. S.O.L.D.

{This post is sponsored by Magshop Mother’s Day gift promotion.}

Image Credit {1}

By Gaynor Alder / First Published on Feb 7, 2012

I’m desperately seeking serenity over thy inbox. It’s been strangling me with its incessant requests, and suffocating me with its relentless demands. I’m driven by a crazy compulsion to answer every single message as it constantly cries out for attention.

Na, na, na, na, na it taunts me, you’re never going to get to the end of all these messages. An empty inbox? Yeah, right. Good luck with that.

But, it’s time to make peace with the messages in my inbox, for they’ll always be there. It’s time to let go of the futile obsessive compulsive desire to continually have a clean inbox. And good heavens above, what does it really matter anyway? “Here lies Gaynor, her inbox was always empty.”

But, you can take control of it so that you can free up time to focus your attention on other things. Fun things. Productive things. Say, ahem, like finishing a book and sending it off to the publishers after agonising over its every sentence for eight years.

1. Unsubscribe from Crap

The first thing you want to do is reduce the number of unnceccessary emails flooding your inbox. Otherwise known as crap. Sure, we all want to know when Virgin is offering return trips to Paris for $100, but some of these subscriptions need to be banished like a Nigerian scammer asking for your bank details.

2. Delete each email after its been actioned. Like seriously.

Speaking of unnecesary emails in your inbox, what’s with all those emails you’ve read and actioned still hanging around taking up valuable closet space? You wouldn’t let last season’s frock that’s seriously seen better days clutter up your wardrobe, would you now?

3. Enough With the Thank You Already

For feck’s sake. One thank you and acknowledgement is suffice. No need to thank the thank you by starting a pointless email loop that lingers longer than Posh Spice in front of the paps.

From:  obsessivereplyer@yahoo.com.au
Sent: Tuesday, 7 February 2012 2:05 PM
To:  addictedtopointlessemailing@bigpond.com.au
Subject: Thank you

Thank you for writing that fabulous article for me.

From: addictedtopointlessemailing@bigpond.com.au
Sent: Tuesday, 7 February 2012 2:10 PM
To:  obsessivereplyer@yahoo.com.au
Subject: RE: Thank you

You’re welcome. Anytime darling.

From: addictedtopointlessemailing@bigpond.com.au
Sent: Tuesday, 7 February 2012 2:11 PM
To:  obsessivereplyer@yahoo.com.au
Subject: RE: RE: Thank you

Thank you again xxx

From:  obsessivereplyer@yahoo.com.au
Sent: Tuesday, 7 February 2012 2:12 PM
To:  addictedtopointlessemailing@bigpond.com.au
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Thank you

XX

From: addictedtopointlessemailing@bigpond.com.au
Sent: Tuesday, 7 February 2012 2:13 PM
To:  obsessivereplyer@yahoo.com.au
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Thank you

Mwah xox

4. Dedicated Email Times

For the chronically obsessed, I can feel the sick rising in your throat as I suggest this, but set dedicated times each day to answer your emails, and then, yes, I’m deadly serious, switch it off whilst you work. And, please, for the love of God, turn of that pesky dinging thing that notifies you every time you get a new message. It can wait, really it can.

Obviously you’re going to need to map out an email management system that works for you and your job. What works for me is an hour when I start work, again at lunch and again at the end of the day.

5. Get Your Lara Croft On

Combat your inbox with an effective strategy.

• If it can be responded to immediately, then respond.
• Delegate it if it needs delegating (and please remember not to fall into the trap of the perilous and pointless thank you loop).
• If it requires more time to action, put it straight into your to do list and continue to take on the rest of your inbox.
• Set up some trusty email folders to save information you may need at a later date.

“Here lies Gaynor, she penned the novel of a century.”

Image Credits: 1, 2

By Gaynor Alder

In the second article of our 7 Unique & Fabulous Holiday Ideas series, we’re going to the Canadian Rockies.

“But Gaynor, does that mean we’re going off-road? What about those Manolos I picked up in New York the other week? At a steal I might add too.”

Yes it’s true, we’ll be going off-road, but if any destination is going to have me swap my heels for flats, it’s surely going to be the splendor and beauty of the Rocky Mountains. {I certainly don’t sport garb from Mountain Designs for just anyone.}

And we’re going to do it in style with Peregrine Reserve.

I spent a month in this glorious part of the world back in ‘99 during my overseas working holiday. I was desperately seeking the serenity of nature, post three months in the concrete jungle that is London, and Canada’s beauty and undulating landscapes seemed just the ticket.

• Cashmere coat – check.
• Three pairs of stockings per day in lieu of thermal underwear – check.
• Prada sunglasses – check.
• Heels and lip gloss, just in case we stopped at lodges harbouring handsome mountaineers escaping the cold – check.
• Suitcase with wheels instead of backpack – check.
• ‘Flat’ shoes to navigate hilly terrain – debatable as to whether my version of flats could officially take on the great outdoors.

After all, just because I was going off-road, didn’t mean I had to look like I was going off-road, right?

From experience, I can tell you that if you want to really explore this region, you’re going to need expert guidance to navigate you through the amazing spots you would otherwise miss. All you have to do is then enjoy the trip as you wind through snow capped mountains and experience the breathtaking beauty of this stunning region.

Whilst I uncharacteristically traveled with a hop on, hop off tour bus, and stayed in h-h-h-hostels (backpackers budget and all that), you can choose to travel with panache with Peregrine Reserve. See, told you could pack your Max Mara coat, didn’t I?

Peregrine’s Canadian Rockies package will see you walk the Chester Lake trail and take in the views of the surrounding Alpine Meadows. You’ll also take on Burstall Pass within Longheed Provincial Park – it’s an 8km moderate walk, but you’ll have a gourmet banquet and hot tub waiting for you at Mount Engadine Lodge. {No whipping out a bread roll from your backpack and spreading it with your trusty jar of jam on this tour.}

You will venture through the forest past Barrier Lake, to discover the remarkable views of Kanaskiks Valley. Your day walking along Bow Lake in the Banff National Park will reveal the magnificence of the Bow Glacier, before luxuriating in the comfort of Emerald Lake Lodge.

Make sure you have your camera at the ready, as you experience the majesty of Whisky Jack Falls, Emerald Glacier and Yoho Lake. Your final day will see you arrive in the town of Banff, where elk roam the streets like locals.

With its never ending visual eye candy and the spectacular scenery that will stay with you long after you leave, Canada is a definite bucket list destination.

Visit the Peregrine Reserve website to find out more about this and other unique holiday packages around the world.

Image Credist {1, 2}

By Gaynor Alder / First Published on July 21, 2009

“I smoke all the time, one after the other” – Greta Garbo

Determined to divorce myself from the nasty on again, off again relationship I have with smoking (the classic love hate relationship), I am now Day 4 sans nicotine. Previous attempts (the best being an 8 month stint) were a painful affair with nicotine refusing to bow out gracefully and accept it was over between the two of us. It would call up, 5, 10, 20 times a day, begging for me to take him back. Come on, what do you say we get the old team back together? We used to be so good you and I, and now you’ve just gone and shut me out of your life. It was as mad as hell I’d abandoned it, and it would do anything to get me back. It was clear I was going to need a good divorce lawyer.

I armed myself with bottles of water, chewing gum, hypnosis cds and enough lavender oil to sedate a class room of children with ADD. I even had a cheer squad who would wave their pom poms at me and shout, “gimme a G”, every time I felt like giving in, but all I wanted to do was to tell them to fuck off and take their pom poms and shove them up their ass (not my finest hour). However, no matter how bad it got, persevere did I! There were mood swings, stomping feet and tantrums as I fought the craving for nicotine that was surging through my veins, but it was time for nicotine to go. I had seen the truth of who he was – a master manipulator who was only in the relationship for himself. The up side of surviving the withdrawals was that my skin was radiating dewiness like a supermodel in a million dollar cosmetics magazine contract (vanity was always the main motivator). “Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline?” …. maybe it was no longer smoking a packet of Peter Stuyvesants a day.

So why did I go back? Why did I let him into my life again? Well, it all started with just one (yes that old nutshell). Looking back at the relationship with rose coloured glasses (like every woman in post relationship denial), I wondered if he really was that bad for me, and maybe we could just start seeing each other again on the weekends? Pretty soon, he had barged his way back into my life, taking over me one cigarette at a time until before I knew it, I was completely hooked again. I tried to hide it from my friends (you see, they had nursed me through the bitter break up and I felt ashamed I had taken him back), but the smell of him lingered in all my clothes. When they eventually found out, they couldn’t quite look me in the eye, because they had said all those nasty things about him.

Like all uninvited house guests, he started to wear out his welcome. I was constantly picking up after him, as he was leaving ash trays lying all around the house. Like all useless ex boyfriends, it was time to slam down the phone on him once and for all. This time it was over, really over. So here I am again, detoxing nicotine from my system. Surprisingly, I haven’t had a desire to throw the stapler at any one’s head, nor abuse the person in front of me because they are walking too slowly.

Perhaps leaving things behind that are bad for us, is much easier when we truly realise how much better off we are without them.

I have something to confess; I live in a country known for its long stretches of sandy beaches and warm summer weather, but I absolutely adore winter. The fact I can get up from my warm, cosy bed and put on my jumper, scarf, boots and coat is a feeling that can’t be replaced by even the most delicious gelato on a 35 degree day.

Here are some of my top picks for clothes, shoes and accessories to complete your wardrobe in the cooler weather.

Looking for an outfit that can take you from a day of meetings straight to cocktails and dinner on a Friday night? Just leave a pair of ballet flats at work and swap into some heels for the after 5’s.

1/ Country Road Colour Block Dress
2/ Oroton Serena Bra & G-String
3/ Gorman Pepa Coat
4/ Oroton Serene Tote
5/ Tony Bianco Palais Pumps

Whether you prefer brunch and a stroll down the high street or an afternoon in the wineries, a comfy knit will take you through winter and out the other side without a chill in your bones.

1/ Country Road Check Shirt under Witchery Cable Knit
2/ Witchery High Rise Jean
3/ Witchery Keira Pop Aviator
4/ Samantha Wills Bohemian Bardot Necklace
5/ Seed Textured Cardi
6/ Seed Navajo Print Tee
7/ Country Road Winona Ballerina Flats
8/ Seed Phoebe Bucket Bag

Champagne, diamonds, chandeliers…ahhh there’s nothing sweeter.

1/ Karen Millen Decadent Frills Blouse
2/ Samantha Wills Lourdes Ring
3/ Witchery T-Bar High Heel
4/ Zimmermann Speakeasy Mosaic Dress
5/ Samantha Wills Lourdes Earrings
6/ Alannah Hill Tights
7/ Alannah Hill Skirt

Some things are non negotiable; sunscreen and a swimsuit in summer and boots and a scarf in winter. Put these items at the top of your shopping list.

1/ Mimco Sportivo Watch
2/ Saba Fleur Hat
3/ Mimco Long Stem Umbrella
4/ Country Road Classic Boot
5/ Seed Tribal Scarf
6/ Mimco Turnlock Travel Wallet

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