@ There are certain things that should never be updated on one’s status – this includes your every bowel moment and that you’re eating toast for breakfast.

@ Do not post and tag less than fabulous photos of your friends. You’ll soon rub them the wrong way when you always look like a supermodel, whilst they look like a ‘stars without their makeup’ or a ‘celebrities with cellulite’ expose on the cover of Woman’s Day.

@ Hooking up with long lost friends on Facebook can be like finding your favourite well worn pair of jeans in the back of your closet. However, when you wake up in the morning and a horrible nagging feeling is underlying your hangover, it’s more than likely you spent the night before “drunk and dialling”, messaging everyone you ever met, regardless of whether you actually really got on that well in real life.

@ Once upon a time, when you broke up with someone, you moved out and moved on. Now, even if you are on the other side of the world, your ex is only a keystroke away. For many, this cold comfort uncovers their latent stalking tendencies, but nothing good can come from this. I repeat NOTHING good can come from this (just take a moment to consider what happened to the curious cat). There’s a reason you dumped his sorry ass, and you don’t need to search through his skanky friends or torture yourself by looking through his photo albums (that let’s face it are nothing more than a strategic attempt to delude you into thinking he has moved on and is happy without you) to be reminded of how wrong he was for you. This is what the “block this person” function on facebook is for.

@ If someone deletes you from their profile, don’t send them nasty and abusive text messages. Just like people clean out their draws, people will cull their profile, when they no longer want to share their holiday snaps and every random thought with 600 of their closest “friends”.

@ Unless you have a fan page, don’t accept anyone and everyone to be your friend just to get your numbers up and delude yourself and others that you are in fact popular.

@ If you invite someone to be your friend and they don’t accept, do not send them another 10 invitations. If they didn’t accept the first time, they more than likely don’t want to be your friend, and pestering them is only going to label you a desperate stalker.

@ “How well do you know me?” and “which celebrity lover are you?” quizzes are more annoying than late night infomercials. Polluting other people’s pages with constant requests to take inane quizzes, play games or build farmyards will quickly give people the shits.

@ Virtual presents and drinks are not real. If you wake up on Christmas morning and run to see what presents have been left under your virtual Facebook Christmas tree, you may need to evaluate how much time you’re spending on Facebook and visit www.getalife.com

@ Beware of prostituting your life in exchange for virtual reality. Remember that Facebook is a fun way to stay in touch with people and not a substiture for real communication or a real life.

Copyrright 2009 | Gaynor Alder

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