”Well gee, THAT’S a mouthful of a confusing title, Corrine.”

Yes! It is! But it was completely inspired by the musical excellence that is King Crimson’s Happy With What You Have To Be Happy With, so surely we can forgive it, right?!

*gulps*

ANYWAY.

Bigger! Better! Brighter! Shinier! Newer! More, more, more! We tick off goals, lap up the latest models of our beloved technology products hungrily and seem to be CONSTANTLY accelerating towards becoming the greatest, most accomplished, successful version of ourselves that we can possibly be. And this is terrific! But while we’re often hurtling along full throttle, focused on the big, delicious picture on the horizon, how regularly do we take a moment to stop and admire the beautiful contents of our current surroundings?

When you last achieved/received something spectacular, how long did you savour it for? An hour? A day? A few minutes, before thinking ”okay, this garden gnome is FANTASTIC, but I still want/need..” and quickly reverting back to your mental to-do list? Sure, evolution is splendid, but don’t we owe it to ourselves to enjoy the feeling of being truly content with what we already have? Yes! How satisfied can we be if we’re flitting from one object or moment to the next? Not very!

King Crimson, you were spot. on. You do have to learn to be happy with what you have to be happy with! And although you’re definitely referring to the ingredients of a song and not a burnt cake, if your sentiment could be applied to life in general, I imagine that it would translate into the following steps:

x Express Gratitude For The Simplest Of Items

There’s a bed for you to sleep in! A roof over your head! A tap that will dispense water to you whenever it’s required! Pretty nifty stuff, huh?

x Ban Yourself From Making Comparisons To Others And Their Circumstances

So they’re living in a penthouse, and you’re living with your parents. They’ve completed three degrees, while you’re pondering your next move. They’re convinced that satay sauce tastes perfect with a dash of sweet chilli sauce, but you’re much more of a tabasco sauce fan. Honestly, stop! Who cares?! Don’t reduce your life and the experiences and knowledge that you possess by comparing it to someone else’s, or believe that their choices are superior to yours! (And besides, satay sauce with a splash of tabasco sauce sounds INGENIOUS!)

x Identitify Your Triggers For Goal-Kicking Despondency

Whenever you start to feel as though you’re not doing/seeing/owning enough, examine the cause. What triggers you to feel that way? A high-end fashion magazine? Television? A conversation with a neighbour? Perhaps you don’t need it?

x Make A List Of Your Monthly Achievements

”’But that would make me feel like a total narcissistic twit!” You might exclaim. Oh, please. It’s not narcissistic to quietly applaud yourself and remember the tremendous things that you’ve conquered or attended, you know! And it doesn’t have to be on display for anyone to see: you could keep a secret notebook and create a list of your weekly/monthly/yearly/lifetime achievements to revel in whenever you’re needing a happiness boost, or to refer to when you’re full of self-doubt.

♥

Go! Take a look around! Have a peek at your belongings and the life that you’re living: is learning to be happy with what you have to be happy with something that deserves a higher priority than your next target? How do you stay content?

CREDITS

Click here to view original article on Frock and Roll

Images supplied by The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide with credits to “Love Your Place”

I was heading home from a blissful holiday in Byron Bay, when, alas, my plane had to detour via Sydney due to bad weather. Being that the flight to Melbourne was only two hours, I had geared myself up for that length of time sans cigarettes, so when a detour to Sydney imposed a further delay to the inhalation of nicotine, I was not a happy camper (nor the other women in my row on the plane who also happened to be smokers). Luckily, I was so high from my holiday, that not even being grounded in Sydney whilst the plane refueled could dampen my spirits for too long.

After a week long perpetual post holiday shag high, I officially now have a serious case of the post holiday blues. The only thing to diminish my doldrums is to plan another holiday to a sunny tropical location – stat! Currently contemplating between Thailand, Bali or northern Queensland.

Running out of cigarettes whilst waiting for your money to transfer from one bank account to the other over the weekend.

What is annoying you this month?

After watching her complete discography with commentary from her 2008 documentary, I found myself admiring her continual evolution. That combined with the recent cover of Madison, whereby she proclaims to have hit her stride at 42, has had me ponder my own evolution.

Like Kylie, I can look back at cringe at bad hair dos (if you think Charlene’s hair in Neighbours was cringe worthy, then just google her in Henderson Kids) and wonder what the hell I was thinking wearing such questionable items of clothing – but, of course, back then it was the height of fashion, and everyone would have been envying my banana clip and balloon skirt.

I can also look back over the years and see distinct times when I felt I had come into my own. 28 was a definite era, when I felt like I had really began to know myself, and with that came a surge of confidence. Not only did my hair start to work for me, I also knew what I wanted, and what I didn’t want, and reveled in the first feelings of empowerment, knowing I could finally stand up for myself. I now look back on at the time as the “Princess Dairies”, and if I didn’t want to do something, well, then, hell, I just said no.

I started evaluating the people in my life, and with self worth came the realisation that I didn’t have to put up with people who didn’t treat me right, and that in fact, it was VIP entry only into my inner circle. I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me, and with that I was less affected by criticism.

However, as great as the Princess Diaries were, I didn’t realise that this newfound coming of age confidence was still nubile and in its infantile stages – which became apparent in the following years – like someone shaking a tree that was just beginning to bear fruit, only to have it all fall to the ground, leaving the tree skinny and shaking after being stripped of all its leaves.

It’s not to say that I didn’t enter my early 30s having lost all I had discovered, but there was a definite sense that I had lost some of strength and confidence that I celebrated in my late 20s. Now, heading into 34 I realise, that this was just life preparing me for the next stage. It was life stripping me of what I needed to be stripped of, and throwing me into situations to test myself, so I could reach a new level of self evolution so to speak -  the stage I am in now, and let me tell you, it kicks ass over 28.

The confidence is stronger. The self worth is more real. The ability to brush off criticism or other people’s stuff much easier. The friendships are deeper. But most of all I am happier – much happier, because all the trials and tribulations have made me appreciate the good times so much more. So, if this is how I feel at 33 going on 34 compared to 28, well then I can only begin to imagine how I will feel at 42. Like Kylie, we should all be so lucky and put our hands on our hearts and hope that over time, that not only will our costumes get better, but that we will continually evolve to find more happiness, self worth and contentment.

What times in your life have you felt like you’ve hit your stride?

My new flatmate – hello disco, vino, self assembled furniture, chats and side splitting laughter.

My new abode and bedroom – think white and ethereal with soft floaty curtains, damask cushions and Audrey Hepburn.

I love my work. I am lucky enough to currently work for a company that I respect, but also love working with them – in particular, my Manager, who treats me like gold – and is also fabulous to share a bottle or two of Sauv Blanc with on a Friday evening.

The mouth watering Osco Bucco in a rich ragout, served on a bed of soft, fluffy and creamy mash at Acqua e Vino in Yarraville, Melbourne – I couldn’t speak for at least an hour afterwards! Think 1920′s decor, a drinks list that is set out in movie scenes and superb friendly service.

Click here to visit the Acqua e Vino website

Reading a book in bed all day after a busy week

Enjoying a bottle of red on a Sunday with said book after drying out all week.

Being surprised with two gorgeous sunny days in the depths of winter.

What are you loving this month?

Image Credits: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

It would have been easy to assume the latter (something I am sure most of us do), however my curious nature wanted to know more. I have always thought it would make a fascinating documentary, to take a camera out on the streets and talk to homeless people to find out what decision they made or road they decided to take in life that led them to being on the streets.

“I’m backed into a bad end at the moment”, he said. He had to leave his home because of a Jerry Springer type scenario involving his brother and the mother of his child. With most of his friends involved in crime, he had to turn to the streets and the Salvos. He is now on the waiting list for a house and will receive his first Centrelink payment in a couple of days. Until then he has to take his chances with the public for a meal, and seek refuge wherever he can from the cold Melbourne nights.

The Salvation Army in the city offers a free lunch to the homeless, but he arrived too late and was only able to have a couple of bread rolls. On the second day, when making his way on the train for lunch, he was fined for getting on the train without a ticket. Not even the Salvation Army ringing Metro to explain that they told him to get on the train without a ticket would have them reverse the fine. The kicker is that his fine escalates every time he is unable to pay it by the due date, and he will eventually end up in court.

What I found remarkable was that although he was clearly struggling (and no amount of positive thinking was going to make that crappy situation better), he was not defeated. I could sense that this guy was a survivor. But, I still can’t help but wonder where he is tonight, and hope he isn’t hungry and is safe from the cold.

Never underestimate the strength of the human spirit to navigate us through tough times. There will be times in your life when things go to shit. Times when you feel like you are banging your head against a wall. Times when you wonder just how much more you can take. Times when you wonder whether it’s ever going to come together.

These are the times when you need to look life square in the eye. Times when you may need to reevaluate where you are, because you might be out of sync. Times when you need to trust that the reason things aren’t working out, is because life might have something better in store for you that you would never have discovered if the thing you thought you wanted worked out. Times when you put your head up, your shoulders back and tits forward and keep moving towards what you want, because just when you think things are never going to shift or get better, something miraculously comes along.

You see, sometimes in life we are tested. Really tested. Life’s natural ups and downs, and ebbs and flows, shape us with their wisdom and call on us to develop our strength, courage, endurance and patience. Then something breaks. We meet someone with knowledge, a new perspective or an opportunity. We get a new job or client. Something falls in our lap. Suddenly, that difficult passage becomes something from our past. Something we look back on. Something we draw strength from. Something we use to become the best we can be.

Never give up – you just never know what’s around the corner.

Image Credits: 1, 2, 3

When my stockings keep falling down and I have to spend all day tugging at them to hitch them back up – second in annoyance only to the wayward bra strap.

Running for the train and watching it pull away just as you get to the door (even better when all the passengers on the train have watched you frantically pushing the button on the door, but the train still decides to pull away). Only surpassable by actually walking to the station and discovering that you’ve left your purse at home and have to turn around, walk back home and then walk back to the station again (my fate last night as I headed to a new product launch – my super straight hair did not appreciate the quickened pace as I half ran half walked in my wedged heels to get there and back in time).

People who are positive ALL of the time. Please don’t get me wrong, because I am a super positive person MOST of the time and I avoid overly negative people and situations. However, it’s not real to pretend to be positive all of the time, when in fact things are crap. It’s as though it has become a crime to admit you’re having a bad day, and there is a pressure to pretend things are otherwise, which can be quite an exhausting facade to keep up. Life isn’t always sunshine and lollipops. When you give yourself permission to be in a bad mood or feel down for a day, you will find that your natural optimism returns a whole lot quicker.

My mobile phone will continually vibrate and make a noise every 15 minutes until I check my messages – actually it is taunting me right now from the living room. If I wanted to get up and check my messages I would god damn it! I swear I am ready to throw it out the window!

Air kissing, shallow and self absorbed people who are successful but lacking in real talent. Especially when most do not see through the facade. Gggggrrr.

People who place unrealistic expectations on you and then go all passive aggressive on you when you say no.

What’s annoying you right now?

Image Credits: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Sesame Magazine

The photo shoots are breathtakingly beautiful in this delightful online fashion magazine.

Click here to visit Sesame Magazine

The Year of Blogging Dangerously | 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 200 bottles of wine

“I am a lying, no good, two-timing, blogging wife and mother who is cheating on her other blog with you, INTERNET. (That part is true.) I’m witty, but aparently not overly charming.  Who knew?  So I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to keep my witty (aka scathing) comments under wraps but I can’t take it any more.  Something had to give.  And so one night I turned my monitor so my husband couldn’t see it and I met, you, INTERNET, my secret love, the one who wouldn’t judge me. You’re the OTHER BLOG, I can be myself with you.  There are no pretences here, we’ve broken all the rules.  Let polite society turn their back on us.  Who needs them?”

Click here to visit Blogging Dangerously

Life & Other Crises | Kerri Sackville

I am not a mum, but I still love Kerri’s blog, because she is witty, candid and above all real. It’s women like Kerri and Mia Freedman from Mama Mia (where Kerri sometimes guest posts) who help liberate women to let go of the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves to be perfect, because we’re fabulous just as we are god damn it, and our perceived flaws are in fact some of our most lovable qualities. Love your work ladies!

Click here to visit Life and Other Crises

Leith Mitchell | “Wrap it Up”

Leith is a Perth based singer songwriter, who I met at work when I lived in Perth (we used to detangle coat hangers together at Country Road). As well as being one very beautiful woman, she is also a super talented musician. Below is a link to her Myspace page with her song, “Wrap it Up” (she wrote the song, is playing the guitar and also singing – see, I told you she was talented didn’t I?)

It’s one of those songs that you will want to play over and over, and her soulful and ethereal voice lingers in your mind long after you’ve finished listening to it. I also resonated with it because it seemed to encapsulate how I felt towards the end of my last relationship.

Click here to listen to “Wrap it Up”

My Gorgeous Editor Got Married!

On Saturday May 1st, Sandi Tigehlo married Kaz Sieger in St Ignatius Church, Richmond, and the ceremony was every bit as moving and beautiful as I thought it would be. The splendour of the church’s high ceilings and stained glass windows tried its best to impress its guests, but it was to be the bride who took the breath of everyone away as she walked down the aisle to Canon in D.

Whilst the bridal party was being photographed (am on tender hooks waiting for the official pics) the Onya Magazine staff went to the Leftbank in Southbank – think swank and an uber fabulous cocktail list. After a few delightful sauvignon blancs whilst overlooking the river, we walked up to the Langham for the reception – and the entrance was certainly a sign of the grandeur to come. We were greeted in the ballroom foyer with delightful canapes and waiters ever so graciously tending to our every need.

The doors to the ballroom opened and it welcomed us with the warmth of its gold damask flocked wallpaper, oppulent chandaliers and elegant ambience. Please do come in, let me help you find your seat Miss Alder and be sure to have a lovely time, it seemed to usher as I walked through a sea of beautifully laid tables adorned with soft pink roses. The regalness of this room was still no competition for the bride, who made her grand entrance to a room full of heart felt applause.

Table 14 was graced by the fabulous writers from Onya Magazine, and I was lucky enough to meet the delightful Sydney based Contributor, Rosanna Beatrice (who still has all her letters that her granny typed on her old typewriter) and also my Sydney based Beauty Writer, Olivia Hambrett who was one of Sandi’s bridesmaids (the blonde in case you’re wondering).

It was a lovely evening – the speeches were entertaining, the food was divine and the band got everyone up on the dance floor. But as with all good things, it had to come to an end. The bride and groom bid everyone farewell as they went out into the world for the first time as Mr and Mrs Sieger. However, the goodness has only just begun for this fine couple, because, they have one beautiful, happy and loving future ahead of them – and you can bet they’ll cherish every single second of it.

Madeleine Peyroux | Dance Me to the End of Love

I loved Madeleine when I discovered her in 2006, and I love her smoky tones all over again every Autumn when I dust off my jazz records (well maybe dust the keyboard as I open iTunes). She always transports me to another time and place.

Judith Lucy | 1998 UP Front Gala

This is one of my favourite Judith Lucy clips – the turning 30 crisis and the Gwenyth Paltrow Marie Claire detox on a desert island.

Janey Cutler | Britain’s Got Talent

This 80 year old Glaswegian shows us that it’s never too late to do what you want to do. I just love her spirit – Go Janey!

Click here to watch Janey sing “No Regrets” by Edith Piaf

What’s on your love list this month?

I thought it was a brilliant idea, so I am going to write one to my teenage self  – a Dolly magazine reading, hair bleach and strawberry lip gloss addict, who was always agonising over the unrequited love of a high school crush.

Hmmm, why do I feel the need to find some stationery and spray it with some perfume?

Dear 16 year old Gaynor,

I’m nearly 20 years older than you now (yikes), I guess you can consider me an aunty of sorts – you can call me aunty G if you like.

First of all, I must take you to task over your spiky fringe and the Vanilla Ice poster in your bedroom – don’t worry your taste in fashion and music will change for the better.

Stop pining over boys who don’t like you – they are not worth it my dear, nor are the popular girls who sit on the back seat of the bus. You’re better than all of them put together (really, you are, I’m not just saying that because I’m your favourite aunt).

Don’t ever think you are not good enough, not pretty enough or not anything enough – don’t ever let anyone determine how you feel about yourself except you.

There are going to be some unbelievably tough times, tougher than you could ever comprehend right now (I know nothing could seem worse than the agony of the object of your affections choosing to go out with someone else on school camp, but believe me there is) but you will emerge from those times with more strength than you could have ever imagined, and you will use it for the rest of your life.

Never forget that you are the most important person in your life. It is not selfish to put yourself first when you need to, because you’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself.

No matter how bad things seem – it will pass. Promise.

Your quiet determination is one of your greatest strengths – don’t ever let anyone make you doubt yourself or what you want to do in life.

Cut off critical, disrespectful and toxic people at the knees (metaphorically speaking of course) – they have no place in your life.

Surround yourself only with people who love and respect you. One of your greatest joys in life will be your friendships. In fact, they will be your greatest joy. You will still be friends with Katie Janelle after all these years, and you will learn that this is one of the greatest achievements in life – to have a friend that will be there throughout it all, in thick and thin. Oh, and yes, you will both be still as obsessed about makeup as you are now, but go easy on the Tresor perfume will you?

You will be an aunty, and you will experience a love that you never thought possible for another human being. Emily Rose is six turning on seven now, and you will love her like she is your own.

Don’t stress about figuring out what you want to do with your life – only living life can teach you that, and you will do lots of fabulous things anyway. You don’t have to do the same thing forever – do what you love for as long as you love it, and then do something different.

Never be afraid to try things – so many people are too preoccupied with their egos and what other people think of them, that they won’t take risks for fear of failing (this isn’t really going to get them anywhere now is it?) There is no such thing as failure, only learning.

Explore and live life by your own rules – there is no race to the finish line.

Don’t ever let a man destroy you. Make sure you love yourself so much, that no man can ever possibly treat you bad and make you feel like it’s all your fault. Choose wisely who you give your heart to – not all men are created equal.

You deserve love. However, it will take you a few goes to get it right. Don’t worry, his predecessors will make you a much stronger woman and make you appreciate meeting him all that more special.

Love yourself, not for what you do and don’t do in life, but just because of who you are.

ALWAYS trust your intuition.

Love yourself. No, it’s not stuck up, arrogant or self involved. You have no idea how important it is to love who you are. Oprah (she is a TV talk show host) will remind you when you forget, but honest and for true, when you really learn to love yourself and be your own best friend, life seems to fall into place.

Stop being so hard on yourself god damn it.

There will be friends that come into your life for a certain time only – and that’s okay. Cherish the good times, let it go and then move on.

When you fall out with friends, it will either end the friendship or be an opportunity for the friendship to grow stronger and more beautiful than before.

You will travel to many places and meet many people – yes, including Europe. Exciting, I know.

It’s the people in your life that matter the most. Spend as much time with the people in your life that you love – they won’t be around forever.

You will never be able to eat as much as you like and not put on weight again – enjoy it. Bitch! Just joking, but I am jealous of how you can eat whatever you want and still look like an exchange student from a third world country.

You will still be as crap with money as you are now – but I’m working on it, I promise.

Smoking isn’t as cool as it looks. Drugs are even less cool than they look.

Don’t let people walk all over you and stop being so bloody nice all the time – not everyone deserves your kindness.

Never feel bad about about being sensitive and emotional – it’s one of your most beautiful qualities, and you will learn that it’s also one of your greatest strengths. Show anyone the door that doesn’t respect this.

Never stop believing in yourself.

You have no idea how proud I am of you.

Love your aunty G x

P.S Did I tell you important it is to love yourself?

What would you say to your 16 year old self?

Image sources: 1, 2

Reading in the park

Spending over two hours on the phone on the weekend to my niece in Perth – gosh, I can’t believe she is nearly seven!!

Florence and the Machine’s remake of a classic: “You Got the Love” – what a set of pins … I’m booking into a pilates class stat!

I think I have found my soul mate – OPI’s Tickle Me France-y

The Melbourne Comedy Festival

The Royle Family – another classic I never tire of … it’s the subtle nuances and the acting that is so real you forget they are acting.

Crsip and fresh autumn Melbourne mornings peppered with sunshine that linger into long beautiful afternoons – makes me want to play Billie Holiday & Eva Cassidy

Aggressive People

I have always gravitated towards calm, peaceful and gentle, which also tends to go hand in hand with my ardent adoration of beauty, refinement and all things pretty. Overly aggressive people who yell, scream and say nasty things, really do upset my equilibrium. I don’t understand it, I don’t like it and I don’t want any part of it.

Lack of Support and Medical Research into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Ignorant people who don’t recognise Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as a legitimate illness, nor take the time to research the facts before judging someone with it as lazy. This illness needs a whole lot more support and recognition, to stop so many people suffering in silence and losing years, even decades of their lives. It is only now, as an ex sufferer, that I have found my voice because of Theda Myint.

I will continue to speak and do my part in raising awareness, so that no one has to suffer like she is now. It is heartbreaking that she has had to deteriorate this much, but what is even more heartbreaking, are the ten years leading up to this point. I hope that by people voicing her story, we can somehow bring meaning to the quiet suffering she has endured for so long.

Click here to read about Theda Myint’s desperate plight to stay alive, after suffering with the worst reported case of CFS witnessed by a Perth GP, who treated 10,000 cases during his career.

Please click here for details on how to donate to the Help Theda fund. I also know that her dedicated friend Jane Ann who is fronting the media campaign and fundraising efforts could do with some help. If you would like to help Jane Ann with media releases or coordinating fundraising, please contact me here, and I will pass on your details to Jane Ann.

If you have CFS, are supporting someone with CFS or would like to know more about this syndrome, you can visit the ME/CFS Society of WA.

You might also like Kirrily Anderson’s book called “Creative For A Second”.

“Creative For A Second was born when artist and CFS/ME sufferer Kirrily Anderson began to notice the large amount of creativity amongst the CFS/ME community. Seeing an opportunity to highlight this creativity and spread awareness, Kirrily began to contact fellow creative sufferers and after much interest decided to collate people’s artwork and experiences and put it all together in a book.”

Other People’s Crap

There are times in your life when you start to draw a line in the sand with certain things. Things you will not tolerate. Things you won’t put up with anymore. Things you are no longer interested in. I recently drew such a line (and it was a hard line at that) to signify the end of taking on other people’s crap, and when I say crap, I’m talking about people projecting THEIR issues onto me.

As someone who is pretty intuitive (I really should get myself a crystal ball and set up shop one day), I often pickup on what people are feeling, which also includes when they might be annoyed, pissed off or shitty. Being the lover of harmony that I am, I would always seek to fix it. Make it better. Make sure everything is okay. But, I don’t do that anymore. Because, I’ve learnt to stop feeling nervous when I think other people might be shitty with me (because let’s face it, why would they be – nudge, nudge, wink, wink). If I haven’t done anything wrong, then it’s not my stuff, and I’m not going to drain myself workshopping it, just so I know they’re not shitty with me. Quite frankly, I don’t have the time, energy or the inclination, and nor should I have to. Other people’s bad moods, short tempers and plain selfishness are not my responsibility.

I have too many lovely friends who understand and respect who I am, who know that they only have to tell me if I have upset them (and that I would want them to), and I will immediately make it right – because I am understanding and genuinely care. They also know that I don’t enjoy when people get uptight over little things, create dramas out of nothing or crack it at me for no good reason. I have been hurt and exhausted too many times in the past by other people’s crap. Not anymore.

I Love My Macbook But …

… why the hell does it only have 1GB of RAM? For the non IT savvy, this translates to = painfully f*%king slow! If I have more than 2 applications open, it is pinwheel city. e.g. every time I click on something, it takes two minutes to happen. As much as it pains me to blasphemous to thy mac (I love her so much I have even named her Millie), why did they make a laptop without enough RAM to be functional? I have since discovered that the new version of  my laptop has 2MB of RAM. The solution is to have an additional GB of RAM added to my laptop, but the thought of going without it, whilst it goes into surgery is too much too bare. So, until such time I go on holiday (where one is not meant to check their emails), I will have to endure the tediousness of a painfully slow laptop. *sigh*

]]> http://gaynoralder.com/2010/03/15/things-that-shit-me-march/feed/ 5 http://gaynoralder.com/2010/03/09/the-love-list-march/ http://gaynoralder.com/2010/03/09/the-love-list-march/#comments Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:36:57 +0000 Gaynor Alder http://gaynoralder.com/?p=1507 Jenna McCarthy, author and freelance writer, who has graciously given me the most wonderful advice for my writing career – I can’t thank her enough!

I could tell you how fabulous and witty she is, but I’ll let you work that out for yourself with some of her recent tweets:

@jennawrites You know your hygiene standards are slipping when your husband is all suspicious because you took a shower.

@jennawrites Today I tested the limits of do-nothingness in the biggest possible way. Maybe they’ll name a black hole after me or something.

@jennawrites Working in my kids’ classroom makes me realize that however much they are paying the teachers, it is NOT ENOUGH.

@jennawrites Rethinking the whole “I want to die doing something I love.” Because today I hurt myself doing something I love and it totally sucked.

@jennawrites An ex-boyfriend just invited me to “become a fan of Booty Sweat” on Facebook. Which tells you a LOT about my past relationships.

@jennawrites Tip: When you see a one-star amazon review, check the reviewer’s profile. Most of the time you’ll find a miserable SOB who hates EVERYTHING.

@jennawrites Just got an email that instead of ending with “sincerely” or “fondly” it ended with “be amazing.” I don’t think I can handle the pressure.

@jennawrites I may never be the gal you turn to for the day’s inspirational quote, but which one of us do you want to go to happy hour with?

@jennawrites 6YO: “Mom! Why do you look so pretty?” I am so totally going to start wearing makeup.

I just know you’ll want to visit her website below (trust me, you’ll be glad you did). Not only has she written a number of books on parenthood, but her new book will be hitting the shelves soon -  “a practical guide to living with and continuing to love the TV-addicted, sex-obsessed, not-quite-handy man you married.”

http://www.jennamccarthy.com/

Writing in Cafes

Intro by Alan Braxe & Fred Falke

Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey’s Stand Up Comedy

Carl Baron “Oh Fifi”

In my mid 20s, I learnt the art of boundaries. Just because I was a generous of heart and all round nice girl, that didn’t mean that I had to like everyone, nor take on their problems. By the time I was 28, I had a strict VIP entry only policy. Sure there were plenty of nice people out there, but you had to be special, really special, for me to extend the full extent of friendship to you. I learnt not to feel bad about it, because being somewhat selfish was a good thing, contrary to what we are told.

However, after one bad relationship where I was stripped of my self esteem, and a few questionable friendships where I witnessed the extreme end of selfishness, I became all Mother Theresa taking on everyone’s problems and dispensing advice without being discerning enough as to whether there was a proper foundation of friendship. This lead to me being done over a few times and being sucked up in the vortex of other people’s neediness. Yes, you’re a really nice person, but I’m sorry, I can’t fix ALL your problems for you. You need to do that for YOURSELF, especially when your problems are the complete topic of conversation. There needs to be more to friendship than just problems.

So, of late, I have been thinking about bringing back the part of me that isn’t always nice. Please, do let me explain. By nature, I am a giving, caring, good person. However, sometimes people don’t respect nice. They walk all over you. Trample you. Ignore you. Drain you. This by no means, means that I am going to start being a bitch. It just means that people will start to see the other side of me again. The side that takes no crap. The side that knows someone being “nice” doesn’t necessarily constitute a friendship. The side that draws a line in the sand and says, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to offer you advice unless you are one of my close friends. The side that says you’re not going to be part of my life unless I want you to be.

Too many women end up exhausted and depleted, because they are spreading themselves too thin. Spreading themselves too thin helping people who should be helping themselves. Spreading themselves too thin by being too nice to everyone. Spreading themselves too thin by saying yes too often. It’s never easy turning someone away or saying no, however, when you start to focus what you want from life, really want from life, it becomes very apparent what is holding you back and needs to go. As I always say, it’s VIP entry onto my red carpet. Even then, you can’t expect to go straight to the velvet lounges of VIP – we need to have a few drinks in the downstairs bar to get to know each other first, and please, a few gin and tonics doesn’t necessarily mean we are BFFs. Yes, I genuinely feel bad when I can’t always pursue a friendship, but it’s not where I make my decision from. Because I can’t – otherwise I would be living my life from what people wanted from me, instead of what I wanted from life.

Just because I am a nice person, don’t think that I am going to let you behind the red rope straight away. Don’t think you can fuck me around. Don’t think that you can dump all your problems on me. Don’t think you can take me for granted. Because you can’t. There is a bouncer at the end of my red carpet, and I have no qualms in raising my hand in the air and pointing at you if you have not respected me, you have been too pushy or have drained me.

I need to remind people of that, because like I said before, sometimes I’m too nice.

Image source

http://www.flickr.com/photos/60099280@N00/2307721663/

Note to self: thou shall not drink too much at Friday night after work drinks, especially when one hasn’t consumed enough food during the day to hold one’s liquor. Drinks = 7. Olives= 8. Verbal indiscretions = too many to count. v.v. bad.

How I got myself into taxi and made it home without throwing up antipasto, I will never know. In between rolling around on the bed and calling out to my friend for water, neurofen and a cold flannel, I cringed as moments of the afternoon’s conversation returned. Remorse was seeping through the cracks of my hangover and I was all I’m never drinking again and I said what?

However, dignity may just be intact, as confidant I spilled my guts to post sharing a bottle of wine in the office and quickly consuming 3 wines in succession at the bar around the corner, is trusted work colleague who I know will remain tight lipped without me even having to ask her to. Because, she gets it and she’s cool like that.

She won’t judge me either. The only judging taking place, is me about myself. I have such high standards (especially about being professional in a work environment), that whenever I let myself go, I am hard on myself and beat myself up with the proverbial stick, as though I just killed Bambi’s mother.

We all have an inner Bridget inside of us, who is sometimes neurotic, who sometimes drinks too much, who sometimes eats too much, who sometimes spends too much, who sometimes embarrasses herself and sometimes loses control. We all occasionally embrace our inner Bridget, and we need to stop being so hard on ourselves for it. Part of being fabulously human, is not being perfect all the time.

So, I’m going to stop feeling bad. After all, at least I didn’t get up on the tables and sing. Hurrah!

When was the last time you embraced your inner Bridget?

THE PEOPLE VERSUS OPTUS

1. It took them 2 weeks to send a technician to reconnect my service at my new address. To add insult to injury, I have been charged during this time whilst I had no service.

2. My phone and internet was suspended. When I rang up they told me I had used 100 GB for the month. Ummm, unless my split personality has a nasty addiction for watching porn on the net all day every day, I think there may be an error. When I rang back, the technician told me that whoever told me that was wrong. It was in fact 22GB, which was only 2GB over my allowance. Phew, I thought. How much could a measly couple of gigs over my allowance cost me?

3. They charged me $300 for 2GB of excess usage!! Looking at the fine print in my contract, I am charged 15c per MB when I go over. That doesn’t sound like much does it? Exactly what they want you to think, which is why they don’t actually tell you how much that is per GB – $150!! I have no issue paying for excess usage, but WHY is it charged at such an exorbitant rate?!? I can buy 1 GB for $20 on a prepaid internet service, and for $99 a month on my plan, I not only get 2oGB of internet, but also unlimited local, mobile and interstate calls. So how the f%*K can they justify charging me a $150 for 1 GB?!!

Oh, I know, it’s so they can put me between a rock and a hard place, and then offer to “help me”, by offering a 50% discount on my excess usage if I go up to the $130 plan a month. Considering Optus never even used to charge excess usage fees, but just slow down your service, I think this is a massive wrought. It sucks. Oh, yes, they sent me emails to say I was approaching my limit, but to my Optus address which I had to create to set up my account with them, but never use. Funny, how they checked with me what email address I wanted my bill sent to!

4. Because I have no service at home, I have had to spend $60 this month on pre paid internet and then another $80 on prepaid mobile, on top of the $130 I am paying for my suspended service. I feel like I am hemorrhaging money out of my bank account to Optus. Here Optus, here’s my pay, go on take it, take it all.

5. When I tried to write them a letter, there was no address, only a contact form. When I filled that in with my complaint, I was told that I had to call. Ummm, I’ve just got off the phone with someone who just keeps reciting Optus’ policies and procedures. Needless to say, I’m not keen to call up again from my mobile which I am now paying a gazillion dollars per minute for (because you cut off my home service), to be placed on hold in your automated telephone queue, to then be told I can set up a payment plan. I don’t want to freaking pay it back, I want this ludicrous charge taken off my bill!

6. The pre paid mobile internet service I have had to use in the interim (which by the way cost $99 for the key alone) continually cuts out. When I asked what was wrong with it, I was told because it operates off a mobile tower, that it can cut out just like a mobile does. Hang on a minute. Why didn’t you tell me that before I bought it, and secondly, how come I have crystal clear mobile reception in my home, yet your mobile internet service doesn’t?! I live inner city, not at Ayers Rock. It is also so slow, that I want to chuck my laptop through the window.

Needless to say I won’t be renewing my contract with Optus. It shits me that these large companies rip off consumers, and we are left feeling powerless to do anything about it. I can’t take them to the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman, because the excess usage fees were in the contract I agreed to. How about not disguising it as 15c per MB, which doesn’t sound like much even to the tech savvy person.

What are you “not happy jan” about this month?

I used to be good at drawing strength from within during times of uncertainty, but now, I’m just not match fit. I feel stuck and frustrated and it’s getting me down, really down. Every time I try to move forward, I feel like I’m crunching gears. I just want to click my red shoes together and go home.

Which is just the point. After moving out of my apartment, I don’t have a place to call my own anymore, and having a stable place to live is very important for my emotional equilibrium and to be a general all round functioning member of society. Whilst I look for a new apartment, I’m staying with my friend. A boy. I’m sharing a space with an XBox, DVDs such as Total Recall and karate books.

Then there is house hunting, and quite frankly, I would rather chew off someone elses toenails than look for an apartment in this real estate market. On top of this, money is tight, my jeans don’t fit me anymore, my friend doesn’t have a washing machine, I have quit smoking and cut down my drinking (do not fear, I have decided sex will be my new vice.)

I made a promise this year, that I would be stronger than anything or anyone that tried to stand in my way. You can bet that I will be true to my word. You see, I know all of this is only temporary and from experience enduring unpleasant situations in the past, I know that very soon, I will be looking back on this, whilst swanning about my new apartment and being immersed in the excitement of 2010.

I also know that it takes a tremendous amount of strength to put yourself out there and throw yourself into the unknown. Unless we leave our comfort zone and experience periods of turbulence, we never grow and become all we can become. So many people appear like they have it all together, but that’s because they play it safe by never taking any real risks. It’s easy to keep it together when you always stay in control or live life on auto pilot.

Sometimes when we make big changes and fling ourselves head first in the direction of what we want, things suck for a little while. Sure, I only have one rack to hang all my clothes, my cosmetics are suffocating in the wardrobe and the rest of my belongings are squashed into boxes, but when everything falls into place, having Arnold Schwarzenegger stare at me from the book shelf and hand washing my knickers, will have all been worth it.

I have been pushing and struggling against it, willing for change, willing for everything to just fall into place god damn it. But, then I decided to look a little deeper into the situation. If I was to accept it, instead of fighting against it, I would see that there is a reason why the gears are crunching. I am meant to use this time to finish writing my book before I immerse myself in the rest of the year. Instead of swearing at the universe for not making things happen, I should indeed be thanking it, for presenting me with the free time I need, to help set me up in a position of strength for the year ahead.

Suddenly, everything is crystal clear. My book needs some love. More than that, my baby that I have been writing for the past 8 years wants to be finished, so I can give birth to it. Because it’s time. Quick, call the nurse, I think my waters just broke.

Wii Fit – so much fun!

My 6 year Old Niece Started Year 1 at School

Anne Taintor Never Fails To Amuse Me

Samantha Chapman Makeup Tutorials on Youtube

Jeff & Erin’s “Save the Date” Wedding Movie

This One Always Makes Me Smile No Matter How Many Times I’ve Seen It

What is on your love list this month?

Amelie is one of my favourite films. Yes it’s French, but more than that, I love how it celebrates people’s eccentricities.So often, it’s my friend’s neuroses, idiosyncrasies and quirks, that I love the most, because it makes them who they are and different to everyone else.

I have a friend who used to spend hours googling her medical conditions, convincing herself that she had life threatening diseases and only weeks to live. Another friend once spent the last of her money on a pair of shoes before boarding a 2 day train trip across the Nullabor, thinking she’d just eat fruit until she got home. What she didn’t bargain for was having all her fruit thrown in the quarantine bin by customs at the border or getting a super heavy period with no money to buy tampons. God bless her. I reckon she’d do it all over again for the right pair of shoes.

When it comes to quirks, I have plenty of them.

I write lots of lists. Things to do. Healthy foods I should eat more of. Unhealthy foods I should avoid. Things I want to buy. Clothes that suit my figure shape according to Trinny and Susannah. Clothes that don’t suit my figure shape according to Trinny and Susannah …

I hate the sound of lolly wrappers and people eating at the movies before the movie starts.

I steal flowers from other people’s gardens. Gardenias mainly. Usually 1 or 2 stems, but once in an unusually large heist, I was caught cutting branches off a cherry blossom tree.

I will only hang my clothes on wooden coat hangers like the ones they use in boutiques, because I think wire hangers are the work of the devil. I also love the sound wooden hangers make when they bang against each other whilst searching for clothes in the wardrobe.

I have obsessive compulsive disorder with spray and wipe.

When choosing groceries from the shelf, I always go for what looks the prettiest (I choose my toothbrush by colour) and will pay more for something if it has gourmet packaging (because it looks nice in my cupboard). I would think nothing of having David Jones or Harrods home deliver my groceries if I could afford it.

I am very sentimental. I still have notes that my best friend in high school passed to me during class in 1990.

I sometimes fantacise about what I would say if I was to bump into people who have wronged me in the past. I, of course am always poised, eloquent and looking hot.

I think bingo is fun.

What are the eccentricities and quirks that make you, you?

Image Sources

http://www.flickr.com/photos/barca-q8/3391109617/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pulp-o-rama/2130925245/

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/446041835/

I’ve spent most of this week moving house. As a free spirited minimalist, I am adverse to accumulating large items of furniture, which has meant moving has been relatively easy for me in the past. However, this time there were two of us moving in. If pushing fridges, couches and widescreen TVs up a set of stairs to the second floor wasn’t enough to tip me over the edge, the fact that it was 44 degrees sure was. It was a relentless, hot and sweaty 3 days of packing, unpacking, transporting and cleaning. I never want to see another Budget removal van or the inside of Fort Knox as long as I live!

Being Stranded Without a Phone and Internet Connection

Once I moved in, I thought I would be able to relax. But no. There were keys to return, mail to redirect and phone and internet connections to be reconnected. Thinking it would be a matter of a phone call and a few days wait at most, I contacted Optus to discover it would be a 2 week wait. Take my left leg if you like, but don’t take my internet. After a few days of twiddling my thumbs, walking round the house in circles, trekking to the internet cafe and not being able to contact people short of sending a smoke signal, I’d had enough. I charged into Optus today and bought myself a prepaid wireless connection and a new mobile phone.

Trying to Sleep on a 44 Degree Day Without Air Conditioning

Connecting To a New Internet Plan

Just buy this wireless key and plug it in. So I was told. In reality, I spent the afternoon entering my information to activate my plan, and the computer continually rejecting my name “against their records”. Umm, yes, that is my name, and I have had it since 1976. So I then go to the “easy installation” brochure, to search for a number to call. Alas, there is no number! On the other hand, when I want to query my bill and ask for an email address for their Senior Manager, I am told I must call. For f%@k’s sake!

People Who Think You Are a Snob Just Because You Like Nice Things

I have high standards. When I shop for clothes, I like quality fabrics (I can spot spandex and ployester impostering as more expensive fabrics a mile away). When I shop for groceries, I like to go to a nice supermarket (in particular the ones that sell gourmet produce) or have it delivered straight to my door step. I like living in nice areas, where I can walk to cafes and shops. Does all this make me a snob? I don’t need to justify it to myself, because I know who I am, but just for the record, just because you like nice things, doesn’t mean you are a snob.

Image Sources

http://sacredlotus.typepad.com/.a/6a010535c401e2970b0120a5442595970c-500wi

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/zeon7/2615071041/

Paris

Meeting fabulous new people, and knowing you’re going to have many more fabulous times together.

Early ’90s House Music

Gat Decor Passion

Masters At Work Deep Inside

Last Rhythm Featuring Silvie Carter

CJ Bolland Sugar is Sweeter

Marian Keyes

What a woman! Marian is my writing idol, the author of 10 books including, ’Rachel’s Holiday’, ‘Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married’, ‘Watermelon’ and ‘This Charming Man’. Her style is so captivating and engaging, that I can never put her books down until I’m finished. She carves wit into real life issues, making her books not only such a fun read, but also cathartic. She has also bravely written of her own experiences suffering depression and being an alcoholic when she was young. In her most recent newsletter, she tells of her current struggle with the reemergence of her depression.  I hope that her fans are able to lift her spirits, as she does ours everytime we read one of her books.

http://www.mariankeyes.com/Newsletter/January-2010?forumboardid=8&forumtopicid=8

Charles Rennie Mackintosh

Tamara De Lempicka

Sleep

What are you loving this month?

Image Sources

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ancama_99/2517002410/

http://www.essentialart.com/ea/Charles_Rennie_Mackintosh_The_Wassail.jpg http://files.list.co.uk/images/2009/06/01/artschool.jpg

http://kissesncake.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/de-lempicka-tamara-portrait-de-madame-allan-bott-7000942.jpg

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