I know that you have the talent and ability to create and live a good life regardless of anything I tell you or not. However now that I am a parent to two children {a daughter and a son} with wonderfully strong spirits whose presence has turned my life upside down, every day I walk the line between providing guidance and reassurance and telling them things that I know as wisdom but they hear as nagging.

Me who is you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jo Bassett from Living Savvy is an executive and performance coach, team leader and facilitator, wife, mother of two spirited little people, big-time dreamer and idea explorer (with a Masters Degree and PhD research underway).

She founded the living savvy movement to inspire people like you to live your dream life, and to give you the tools you need to make it happen. Click here to follow her on Facebook.

By Gaynor Alder

As you, our dear readers at MWSG know, we’re very passionate about the notion of Romancing the Everyday. Remembering that whilst we are all working towards something, that it’s the celebration of the everyday along the way that matters the most.

But, sometimes life gets in the way. We find ourselves hurtling from one day to the next in a complete state of dishelvement, and we forget to honour the present moment. Guilty as charged!

I’ve just returned from a beautiful two week holiday in the motherland {Perth}, and have just moved house. Yikes! And along the way, I’ve been too busy to remember to do the simple and beautiful things that have each and every day take on the special quality that it should.

But, I’m back. Because no matter what is going on in our lives and what we are striving for, we must never forget that all that really matters is each and every day that life gives us. Because we can never really know when this could be taken away from us. And so often it takes a major life event to make us realise this, but I want to call a motion, that it shouldn’t take this for us to all start cherishing every second of life we are given.

So, this week, as I play catch up with my schedule and get on top of my inbox, I’m turning simple into special by lighting beautiful candles and scenting my space with divine fragrances.

1 {Merci Orange Blossom Room Spray by Tonic Australia}

2 {Merci Orange Blossom Room Reeds by Tonic Australia}

3 {Frangipiani Pomegranate Room Reeds by SunnyLife}

4.{Frangipani Promegranate Soy Wax Candle by SunnyLife}

5 {Paris Inspired Candle by Voyager Candles}

6 {White Hydrangea Candle by MOR}

7 {Harmony Orange Blossom Candle by Pompadour}

Featured {Tubarose Floriosa Candle from Ambrosia Candles}

By Gaynor Alder

I’ve always been a city girl, and my sense of self has always felt lovingly wrapped up in the joie de vivre of its energy. The way its streets pulse with life. The glamorous lifestyle it offers its occupants. Being surrounded by creative people. Quick commutes to the city. Strutting out my door to a cafe for breakfast. Shops within metres from my doorstep.

Leaving the inner city ring is like someone slowly switching off my oxygen, and my soul screams out as it drains the life out of me, suburb by suburb, street by street, home by home. JUST. NOT. ME.

But, something else has become important to me at this point in time. My independence. Having my own space. A sense of security. A sanctuary for my soul so that I can continue to create, without being at the mercy of other people. And as I continue to grow a successful writing business, I have a decision to make.

I could keep living in an inner city apartment that has a shoebox for a wardrobe, or I could move out for a year or so, into a 2 bedroom townhouse in the suburbs that has a space for my office and be financially buoyant. But it doesn’t make the decision any less excruciating, and this inner crisis is a doozy, because it pushes on my core fear. My very essence. Everything I’m about.

Never sacrificing who I am to work the 9 to 5 grind, just so I can have a mortgage and settle in the suburbs.

Seems I’m staring down the barrel of an existential crisis that has me at a psychological standstill. Move to the suburbs so I can continue to follow my dreams, yet in doing so enter territory that is the seeming antithesis of those very dreams.

Check-fucking-mate.

Am I opening the doorway to compromise, and in doing so will it swallow my sense of self whole one compromise at a time until I am shadow of my former self? Will I give up and accept it forever, just because it’s easier? Will I give up on my dream of being a writer with an inner city lifestyle, just so I can I have a roof over my head? Will I compromise my creative self and get stuck in the suburbs forever?

Of course my psyche is knocking on the door to my confused soul, ready to chime in with its unwanted two cents to add to the head fuckery that is holding my sense of self to ransom.

“We all have to make sacrifices, what makes you so special?”

“We all have to work to make a living and keep a roof over our heads.”

“You should just be grateful just to have somewhere to live. There are people in Africa who have no food and water, you know.”

“You sound like a right selfish, self centred, spoilt brat.”

Bullshit I say to that. Bullshit.

As a creative person who is taking practical steps to grow a thriving business, I take umbrage to these kind of thoughts. Because it’s these very thoughts that hold too many of us captive. Too many of these thoughts quash our self belief that we are worthy of following our dreams. Too many of these thoughts that have people capitulate and surrender themselves to dogmatic practicality that is a breeding ground for unfulfillment and mid life crises.

Why shouldn’t there be more support for people who want to do what they love in order to keep a roof over their heads?

Whilst we have endless compassion, why should we let our benchmark of what we should accept for ourselves be set by those in extreme poverty and horrible circumstances? Wouldn’t they too want more for themselves if they could?

Why shouldn’t we focus on our happiness? Because the more people who are living live with meaning and fulfillment, the more joy there is being spread throughout the world, that touches, inspires and lifts others to live their best lives too.

So existential crisis, pack your bags and eff off. Because I know who I am and who I am not. I know that it matters. I trust in myself to stay true to who I am, no matter what life throws my way, just like I always have. And if I change and happen to embrace a new way of life, I know that it will be because it’s right, and I will let happiness be my indicator of this.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Gaynor Alder is a Melbourne based writer with a penchant for vintage glamour and all things Parisian. She started writing The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide, after the umpteenth person told her, you know you should really write a book. Her fingers struggled daily to keep up with the thoughts that desperately wanted to become words on pages, to take centre stage in a book that she knew was going to become the new voice of womankind. Her calling, her destiny, her whatever you want to call it, Gaynor writes because she can’t not write. She is also the Editor-in-Chief of the Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide and stands by her adage that the quality of your life, is dictated by the quality of your hair.

By Gaynor Alder – First published on 8th June 2011

We’ve all stared down the barrel of making a decision that requires us to take a leap of faith. A decision that requires us to trust what we feel inside versus practical evidence. Because when it comes to taking a risk for what matters the most to us, it means we have to be strong in the face of practicalities’ chitter chatter.

The chitter chatter that tells us we’re throwing away a responsible well paid job. The chitter chatter that wrestles with our minds and plagues our self worth as we say no to doing what society expects of us.

But the thing is this. Your self worth is not derived from the job that you do, the money that you earn, and nor does it matter what anyone else thinks of your decisions. Because the only person you have to answer to is yourself, and anyone who isn’t going to wholeheartedly support you in chasing what means the most to you, can quite frankly, fuck off. Yes, there I did it. I swore on my blog – and rightfully bloody so.

For what is the point of living, if it’s not to live – and surely living means doing the things that make us happy? Doing things that fill us with joy. Doing things that have us get out of bed every day filled with a sense of purpose. For the record, let it be known, that I’m not someone who merely philosphises and preaches without the courage to back up what I’m saying.

Because, I too have chosen to say no to being a slave to a relentless schedule that slowly, yet ever so surely grinds my dreams away, and in doing so, I have cut back my day job to 3 days per week in the name of becoming a financially self sustained writer.

I realised that unless I take a leap of faith and make more time for my writing, I will never realise my dream. Cutting back my hours means that I will have to sacrifice certain things for a period of time, but these are sacrifices that I am willing to make – because I can see the big picture, and that picture is painted with all the colours of the rainbow. I’m not sacrificing myself so that I can retire comfortably in 25 years, I’m sacrificing a few little things from my budget each week so that I can live an authentic life, now and in the future. A happy life that means something to me inside.

It also means that I have to place trust and a whole load of self belief in my writing. Yikes! It’s scary as hell, but at the end of the day I have nothing to lose, because I can always go back to the corporate world.

In the interim I’m choosing to trust the voice inside of me that says, “Gaynor, you need more time to write”. “Gaynor you need to temporarily live on less money.” “Gaynor you need to grab the opportunities that lay before with both hands and take them as far as you possibly can.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not adverse to a fat pay check at the end of every week. Au contraire. I love money. I love being comfortable and enjoying the pleasures that money brings. But, when push comes to shove, shove will win. Because, I will not whore myself out to live a part time life. The part time life that comes from working in a job that isn’t what I really want to do, just so I can live on the weekends. Because I believe we can all earn money from doing what we love, and in turn live a life we love – all of the time.

You could say I know a thing or two about writing resumes. You see, in a past life I used to work in the recruitment industry. My first job was working in a busy manic office, typing resumes for the recruitment consultants – we’re talking back in the days before the internet revolutionised the office place and we had to fax resumes to our clients. Thankfully the internet arrived 6 months later and saved me from the perils of working on tenders that had to be sent on a floppy disk in express post bags to our interstate offices.

Soon after, I scaled the dizzying heights of the recruitment ladder, becoming a bona fide recruitment consultant, ingesting coffee into my veins like a heroin addict, inhaling my lunch behind a computer screen so I could work through my “break” and eating more blueberry danishes from the downstairs cafe that I care to remember. After leaving the industry vowing never to return, I eventually dipped my toe back in the shark infested recruitment waters setting up shop as a resume writer for a number of years. So, yes, like I said. Bona fide.

In terms of resumes, I’ve seen it all. With clients breathing down my neck giving me deadlines of “we need this person like yesterday”, I’ve sifted through god knows how many piles of resumes in search of the right candidate. So, I’m about to give you some inside information on what makes a resume stand out when you hit send and apply for a job. Because I’m nice like that.

What you do with your resume, is equally as important as what you don’t do with your resume. With sometimes only 15 or so seconds to capture a potential employers’ interest, you don’t want to commit any resume felonies that will have you discarded quicker than a bride’s nightie.

DO tailor your resume to the job you are applying for. This not only counts for content, but also presentation. I can’t stress this enough.

DON’T include your date of birth. This is considered discrimination.

DO ascertain what your point of difference is. What is is that makes you stand out from other people? Lead your resume with a profile of 3 to 4 lines that communicates your expertise, your point of difference and supporting evidence from your career history, that makes the recruiter spit out their coffee and dial your number quicker than Carrie Bradshaw hotfooting it to a 75% off designer shoe sale. Yes, you want to have them at hello.

DON’T include your hobbies. No employer really cares that you do salsa dancing on the weekend. Seriously. The only exception is if your hobby somehow ties into the role you are applying for.

DO include a list of your key strengths under your education. Look at the job description and bullet point list your strengths in relation to the skills they are looking for. See how you are making a match between yourself and the job description. I wasn’t lying about tailoring your resume for every job now was I?

DON’T use the same generic terms that everyone else uses on their resume. These just make the prospective employers’ eyes glaze over in boredom and lose interest. You want to capture their attention and hold it, like a can’t put down, I think I’ll even skip my shower tonight, page turning romance novel. I’m talking statements like “good communication skills”, “ability to work independently or as part of a team”…. if only I had a dollar …

DO use succinct statements that lead with a verb or action word – i.e. performed, demonstrated, achieved, increased, improved etc.

DON’T use the first half of your cover page to list your personal details. Think of your front page as prime real estate, and as such it needs to hook the reader in and encourage them to turn the page, otherwise they’ll just move onto the next resume. List your personal details obviously, but just don’t take half a page to do it.

DO bullet point your career history. List the company name, position and dates and then a bullet point list of what you did in each job. (Depending on the role you are applying for, include a paragraph about the company above your bullet points.) Readers will get lost in paragraphs of wording and you want to ensure that the information is easily absorbed. You don’t need to use full sentences, rather clear and concise statements. Recruiters will often be looking for specific experience that matches the job description, and they don’t want to have to read through paragraphs to ascertain the information.  They’re not lazy, they’re just often time poor – hence the eating lunch at the desk whilst answering phones and filling jobs.

DON’T use “I” in a resume. Never. Ever.

DO mention your achievements on the first page of your resume. Go on, blow your own trumpet. This is no time to be shy. Remember how I was waxing lyrical about the first page of your resume being prime real estate? Accordingly, why nestle your achievements in the other pages of your resume? You want to immediately communicate the benefit to an organisation of them hiring you. Quantify your achievements with bottom line results where possible. i.e. “implemented a stationery cost savings initiative that reduced company expenditure by $10,000 annually … you get the picture.

DON’T list your high school education unless you are a recent graduate.

DO only go back over the past 15 – 20 years maximum. You can summarise the rest of your history in a paragraph. Oh, and please don’t list that you worked at McDonalds when you were 16 when you are 30. Just becaused you worked somewhere, doesn’t mean you have to put it on your resume.

DON’T use superfluous words. i.e. you don’t need to write “RESUME” at the top, as it’s obvious it’s your resume. Equally, you don’t need to write “duties” above your bullet point list of tasks in each job. Yes, again, it’s obvious. The less unnecessary words, the more impact the important information will have.

DO position your completed tasks within each job not only with what you did but along with the results. Results don’t always have to be financial, they can be improved efficiency, maximising productivity etc.

DON’T put a picture of yourself on your resume. Again, this is discrimination. I don’t care if you look like a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, I’m only interested in whether you can do the job. I would hazard a guess and say that 95% of recruitment consultants will turn their nose up at a photo on a resume.

Resume length will vary in different countries. In the U.S. or U.K. many favour a 1 to 2 page resume, whereas in Australia they can be from 1 to 3  pages (up to 5 pages for senior management if required) - however one thing remains the same. Clear and concise resumes that successfully meet the job description are the way forward.

By Gaynor Alder – First posted on 9th December, 2011

We interrupt our holiday popular posts transmission to bring you this brand spanking new article. You didn’t think I’d really be able to restrain myself from the keyboard for a whole week now did you? Inspired by yesterday’s How to Overcome Power Trippers in the Workplace, I felt compelled to put down my margarita and fake tan to write this article.

Not all workplaces are created equal. Here are five reasons you should quit your job and hit Seek quicker than Kim Kardashian leaving a marriage.

Office Politics

There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to do your job and having to deal with other people’s bullshit. Some people simply have nothing better to do than to be difficult, gossip, meddle and create negativity. They thrive on it, gathering troops to make everyone’s life around them miserable, because deep down they are just plain nasty and insecure.

One of my personal favourites, are the ones who feel threatened because you can do what they can’t and it makes them feel inferior, thus they martyr themselves and constantly make niggling passive aggressive comments (because martyrs aren’t a fan of being honest and upfront you see).

Beware, these types of people are damaging, as they do all they can to make you feel bad about being good at your job (consciously or subconciously) and put a full stop on any kind of progress so that things can stay the same and they can stay in their comfort zone. Attempting to nurture their insecurity with kindness, empathy and understanding to make them feel valued for who they are, can often turn out to be an exhausting waste of time when they continue regardless.

The only way to stop office politics is to address it head on. Now this can go two ways depending on the strength of your management. Some will take it on board and get it immediately, because they respect your professionalism and understand your commitment to your work.

However, weak management will brush it under the carpet and often point the finger back at you because they don’t know how to deal with it or don’t want to deal with it, and somehow it becomes your fault. Thus the perpetrator of the politics becomes the victim and is empowered to continue. A complete head fuck and a grave miscarriage of justice.

Your Worth is Not Valued

I don’t need to be constantly reassured, nor do I expect a row of can can dancers in my office every time I do a good job, but sometimes all it takes is two simple words – thank you. And I do expect to be paid properly for what I contribute to a company. It’s not that fucking complicated.

However, at the end of the day, some managers just don’t get it. And it’s a mighty tough pill to swallow when they reward other people who sit around flat out doing fuck all.

The task before you here is to hold your head high, know in your heart who you are and what you have to offer and move on to somewhere that does get it, because banging your head against their office door until it bleeds trying to make them understand is futile.

Like the dodgy boyfriend who didn’t appreciate you, they all soon learn the hard way once you’ve left.

Your Boss is a Bully

Just because someone pays your wages at the end of the week, it does not give them the right to treat you badly. Nobody has the right to raise their voice at you, compromise you or intimidate you. The repercussions of staying in an abusive work relationship can be just as damaging to your self worth as a bad personal relationship.

Bullies come in all shapes or sizes. Some will directly verbally abuse you, some will undermine your confidence and some will make you tip toe on egg shells around them. Sure they are paying you to do a job, but that doesn’t mean you have to nurse their shortcomings. They have a responsibility to communicate effectively and treat you right in exchange for the services that you provide. This is a two way street.

You’re Doing the Work of 4 People

“Ummm, we’re going through some cost cuttings at the moment so we’ve retrenched some staff, and unfortunately we need to cut your hours too. But, oh, by the way, you’re now expected to do your job with less pay and less hours, and also pick up the slack from the other people we just sacked. And, oh, if things don’t get done like they used to, we’ll still point the finger at you.”

WTF?!? No, I don’t think so sunshine.

But I Wanted to be a Ballerina

So many of us unwittingly forge our careers out of what our parents and society expect of us only to sink into the quarter life crisis, trying to reconcile why when we have ticked all the boxes we are so miserably unhappy and spend most of our working days wanting to run screaming to board the next plane overseas.

When you’re bored beyond belief with your job, and the people around you make you want to call OOO to perform emergency CPR on your soul, then it’s time to get back in touch with what you really want to do, regardless of others expectations.

This is no easy feat. In fact, standing on your own ground and forging out a life that means something to you independent of what everyone else says is right, will prove to be your greatest challenge in your 20s.

Give yourself the freedom to to take risks and explore who you are. With that will come perceived failure, as you move from one venture to another. But I beg of you, please know this. It takes greater courage and strength to step outside the perceived linear expectation of “success”, than those around you robotically following the formula others have laid down for them.

Sometimes we can only know who we are, by who are not. “Failure” is just a stepping stone for us to build upon to reach our greatest heights. Without the courage of exploration in the face of societal judgment, we will never really find out who we really are and be able to live a truly fulfilling life.

Watch this space in January, when MWSG will guide you through the highs and lows of job hunting, including expert advice from the recruitment industry.

By Gaynor Alder – First published on 8th February, 2012

LIST OF JOB BOARDS ADVERTISING CREATIVE POSITIONS

The likes of Seek and My Career are about as useful for creatives as a handbag of prophylactics are for a nun. If you’re a creative, then you need to find out where the creatives hang out. Otherwise, you’ll be getting nowhere fast with your job search and wondering if your dad was right when he said you should’ve got a “real job”.

Alas, do not fear, there are job boards across Australia where recruitment agents specialising in creative placements and businesses advertise. Just click on the website image to start your job search.

MORE …

Brand Nation

PRIA (Public Relations)

Mumbrella

B&T

Screen Hub

I would list Arts Hub, but I take umbrage to them charging job hunters to register on their site in order to view job descriptions.

RECRUITMENT AGENTS SPECIALISING IN CREATIVE PLACEMENTS

Melbourne

Rum Rebellion Recruitment

Smaart

CSP Apple

Sydney

The Tenth House

Alt Agency

Become

MORE …

Australian creative agencies listed on The Loop

Leave a comment below if you have any other sites or resources to add to this list.

You might also enjoy reading these related articles on The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide:

Tips for Writing Kick Ass Resumes That Will Have Employers at Hello

Office Politics and Other Reasons to Quit Your Job

Dealing with Power Trippers in the Workplace

We have selected our finalists, and it’s now up to you our readers to pick the winner.

Alysha Holder

I’m currently studying my 3rd year of my degree- Bachelor of Science, Majoring in Psychology. I am obsessed with fashion, and in particular vintage. I believe that almost nothing is made as it used to be, which is why I’d rather shop vintage than high-street! I buy and sell vintage myself, and am currently working on opening my own online vintage store, and my vintage dedicated Twitter: @Find_me_Vintage , where I share the best vintage and fashion around, and absolutely love to promote small vintage businesses.

As a student who spends five days a week at uni, seven nights a week studying, three days a week working, and every other bit of spare time I have working on my amateur vintage business, I believe that if I didn’t try and romance the everyday it would all be a little bit overwhelming! If it weren’t for the little things (my first cup of coffee, spending my last $50 on my favorite tea leaves, the day the new issue of Vogue comes out…) I’d probably turn off my alarm, and pull the covers over my head rather than face another day of stress! Sometimes that means wearing a pair of ridiculous heels and my favorite dress to do a simple day of errands- but in the end, if you don’t live everyday like it’s a Friday night, then you may as well pull those covers over your head and press ‘snooze’!

Bianca Bell

I am a full time mum with a beautiful 3 and a half year old princess which I love to bits! I have the most amazing husband who works so hard for us all. I always try to make time for us all as a family to go out and enjoy this beautiful world we live in. I also make sure I make time for just myself to relax and unwind from the joys of having a child full of beans   One important part of any healthy relationship is definitely to Romance the Everyday whether it be simply by leaving a little love note hidden in my husbands work esky or once our daughter has gone to bed set up some candles and have a glass of champagne and enjoy a chocolate fondue. I love to romance the everyday as we all seem to get stuck in this busy life of ours and its these little romantic things you do which keep the love going strong.

Jasmine Eastwood

To sum me up in a few words I am a collector, artist, skateboarder, star gazer, comper, movie and music addict, gamer and bargain Hunter! I love creating new things and experimenting with my style. Romancing the everyday makes me feel special so I’m always looking for new ways to add a bit of love to everything i wear, do, say, create and think! {https://www.facebook.com/jazlovestoskate}

 

 

Shannon Male

I am a day dreamy, optimistic, disorganised mother of two intent on injecting interest, positivity and funkiness into my home, my life, my family and the world. I am a huge fan of my incredible children, impossibly in love with my partner and completely devoted to making our simple lives as sweet, tight, sparkling and love filled as possible. I am into crafts and art in a big way, and focus on recycling and up styling. I like to make an ugly duckling or throw-away item into something unique, functional, and eclecticly pretty. This is what gives me swells of satisfaction! I want to encourage people to look at everything they may throw away with a new, romantic light.

 

I love to romance the everyday because the “everyday” is what is sacred to me. Seeing the people you love after a work day – how amazing is that?! Put on purfume, cook a funky meal, paint the kitchen red on a whim. It is the intricacies of life that really make an impact on me, so I believe these are the things that should be fun, funked up, glamourise, glitzed, bejewelled and colorised. This is why, for example, I like to make something as “everyday” as a soap dispenser  - as beautiful and lovely as it can be – And yes, everytime I wash my hands… it IS a bit special!! {even when most of the time its scrubbing up after a few horrid nappy changes!!}

 

Rachel Kapsalakis

 My name is Rachel Kapsalakis, I am 40 years old, married and live in Melbourne Victoria. I love music, animals {cats especially}) and cooking. You could say they are my passions. My husband is Greek so we live to eat, not eat to live, as I did before I met him. I am highly passionate about life and getting the most out of it and this is helped by my good sense of humour, bubbly nature and ability to see the bright side of even the gloomiest situation.

I don’t set out to “Romance my Day” but I’m thankful for what I have in my day. Each day is a very special day if I can find joy and comfort in everyday life!My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer before Christmas and had part of his lung removed, he is now recovering well and we have vowed to celebrate life and embrace the spirituality of our senses and be thankful for everyday we have together and explore what the world has to offer! I find great comfort and inspiration from sheinspires.com.au and highly recommend this website to everyone! It gives me the encouragement to carry on even when I think all is lost or hopeless!

 

 

Karlene Forrest

I’m a mostly stay-at-home-mum to our four year old son. I work one day a week doing administration for a small family-owned business in Morningside and also do administration for my husband’s audio visual business. We’ve just moved to acreage so I’m getting used to gardening, making the daily trek to the letterbox and dealing with snakes and spiders. We’ve only been here three weeks and already had a snake in the house. Horrifying for a city girl!

We romance the everyday when we can. This photo was taken a couple of months ago at a Sunday brunch we had at the Kangaroo Point Cliffs. On my first date with my now-husband he told me about all the brilliant things he had done, the places he’d been and what he’d achieved so far. He asked what my hobbies were and I said “hhmmmm…..I really like eating out at restaurants and like to do it often”. What a goose! But that’s my idea of a great night – great food and great company. Now with a family and less income than the corporate city days, we do more picnics. I love discovering new foods at delis and master four is trying more foods than most other kids his age.

 

VOTE FOR THE WINNER

Voting closes on April 18th.

 Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide now has a little sister! The Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide is launching on Monday April 2nd 2012, and will break new ground as an online magazine dedicated to teens.

TGSG will set trends, rather than following them.

TGSG will celebrate individuality, rather than fitting in.

TGSG will inspire confidence to strut teens in their platform heels into early adulthood with a water tight self esteem that accepts nothing less than the best.

There will be lots of fun content including beauty reviews, fashion look books, competitions, music, online videos and more. We will also be collaborating with Headspace and experts to provide teens with a supportive online community so that they don’t have to tackle depression, anxiety and bullying alone.Launch content will include:

… and more.

Here are the links to the Facebook & Twitter pages (you can share it with mothers of teenage daughters, your daughters and friend’s daughters, and anyone else you merry well like).

By Gaynor Alder

I quit my overworked and underpaid job in December last year. A cracker of a time to quit a job. Absolute pearler. I mean who in their right mind quits a job just before Christmas, and embarks on job hunting in one of the traditionally worst times in the job market? Well, me.

After knocking on lots of doors for part time work, I am still jobless. But do I regret leaving my job? Not on your nelly. Over the past months, I’ve written more and been more creatively inspired than ever. In fact, I’ve never been so busy since being unemployed. But does this pay the bills? Does this keep the roof over my head? No, not really.

There’s been many highs and lows. Finally finding a job on Seek that I wanted. Spending hours tailoring my resume and writing a kick ass cover letter. Hitting send, and then waiting for the phone to ring. An email even. But nothing. Zip. Nada. Then there were the times the phone rang and I ran to it, knocking over everything in my path to get to it, and hallelujah. I had an interview.

Cue the blow dry, dry cleaning of suits and putting on a face. Mapping out the train route. Traipsing through the city to find their building. Charming them with a display of my finest self. Doing their bloody skills assessments tests (3 hours of my life I’ll never get back). Walking out and berating myself with, “oh damn, I should have said this, and why didn’t I say that?” Then, again. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Or getting offered the job at a ridiculously low pay rate. Or being offered the job and being told that the Managing Director is “difficult” (transalation – he’s an absolute asshole and you’re the third Personal Assistant we’re interviewing for in three months because the other two couldn’t hack it).

If there’s one thing I know to be true, it is this. That when you keep knocking on doors and nobody is answering, you need to look elsewhere. Because the universe (I don’t refer to the universe in a tree hugging, patchoulli loving kind of way) sometimes has better things in store for us. Better things we’d never stumble across, had it let us walk through the other doors. It puts a door bitch on them, so that we can’t enter, no matter how well dressed we are or how much we think we want to slip behind their red rope.

Now, this could be a complete load of twaddle. Blind faith. A form of denial if you will. But, I’m a believer. Because when I look back on all those jobs I’ve applied for, I’m thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t get them or accept them. Because the simple truth is that I am not an office girl. Never have been, never will be. 9 to 5 is not the beat of my drum.

So where does this leave me? Working for myself and setting up my own business. Getting my own clients. Working on my own terms. And to that end, I have accepted a fabulous opportunity to work from home doing something I love for an amazing business.

But, I’m going to need to get more clients to make it a financially viable lifestyle. And this is going to require me to put myself out there and go out on my own. Take a risk. Give up my apartment so I can afford to do a small business course over the next few months and establish my business.

And as I consider this, I find my heart and head waging a war with each other, and fear of failure (never one to be left out) is making me sick to my stomach. Because I am challenging everything that I’ve ever been told about being responsible and having my shit together. The little voices in my head are making a complete mockery out of my courage and self belief.

“Gaynor, you pipe dreamer. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“What if you fail? You’ll look like a complete goose.”

“Your parents are not going to like this, not one little bit. They’ll tell you to go back to the ‘good job’ you had.”

“You don’t really think you can pull this off do you?”

But, these are not my thoughts. My voices. These are the words of other people infiltrating my psyche, and if I put a muzzle on them, and find the guts to listen to my own voice, here’s what it has to say:

Gaynor, dear Gaynor. You know this is what you were born to do. There’s a reason your new job isn’t kicking off until June, and that’s because it gives you the two months to complete your small business course through NEIS and polish your book pitch to perfection. You have everything it takes to be successful – you’ve already proved that. This isn’t some pipe dream, this is a well thought out and financially viable business. Yes, you may be scared, but that’s a good thing, because it means you are pushing through new doors to grow and become the best you can be. So embrace it. Sure there may be people who will doubt you, but there are plenty more people who believe in you, but most of all never stop believing in yourself. This is your dream. Go chase it. Now. You can do it.”

ABOUT THE NEW ENTERPRISE INITIATIVE SCHEME

The NEIS (New Enterprise Initiative Scheme) is delivered by the Australian Government and provides education and financial support for those wanting to start their own business. Accepted participants will receive a weekly income to supplement their business earnings for a year whilst establishing their business. They complete a 6 to 8 week small business course and then receive a business mentor to track their progress and provide support on a quarterly basis. Statistics report that over 90% of participants in the NEIS course are still successfully running their business 3 years after the complete the course.

I started this site as a blog in 2009, posting my random musings and accounts on living whilst riding the fabulous ups and downs that is the exciting roller coaster of life.

I’d spent the previous six years writing a book, running my manicured nails over the keyboard whenever inspiration took a stranglehold of my psyche, but without an audience (you know, like someone actually reading my work) I never did really feel like a bona fide writer. Like I was some kind of fraud. A fake. A hapless romantic with idealistic notions and a pipe dream.

And what a joy it was to discover the blogging platform as a medium to write to an actual audience. I just started writing about whatever was going on in my life. What I was going through. Struggling with. Triumphing over. Just me, pouring out my thoughts and emotions, as I processed my inner landscape. Every full stop at the end of an article, dispensing a personal and cathartic panacea.

I never planned what I was going to write. I just wrote. The words came to me, rather than me going looking for them. Paragraphs of thought would hold me hostage in my sleep, not releasing their grip until I turned on my laptop (often at hideously inconvenient hours in the morning) and write. Write until it naturally felt right to stop.

Then you started dropping by. Relating to what I was saying. Bonding with my thoughts. Leaving comments even. “Did you just peek into my diary?” “How did you know exactly what I was going through?” “Did you peer through my living room window this morning?” And I found a new joy in writing. Connecting with an audience who got something out of what I wrote. Whether it inspired them, comforted them, made them laugh out loud, it didn’t matter … my words made a difference. To you.

But then, my muse stopped knocking on the door to my blogging soul. It plain nicked off to play with the other boys and girls. It came back from time to time, but found it hard to dig itself out from under a mountain of work (you know that day job thingy most us writers have on the side whilst we fanny about with literay prose for pure love.)

At the same time, I started to source other content for the site. Different voices. Different outlooks. Different topics. I stopped speaking at you, and rather started to talk with you, and soon we started playing together. And along the way, The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide grew up. She’s evolved from a personal blog to an online magazine. An online magazine that I am proud to be Editor-in-Chief of. An online magazine where I have the privilage of working with some of Australia’s most dedicated, passionate, talented and amazing writers.

And there’s another reason I’ve stopped writing so much about me on here – I realised I’d been cheating on my book with a blog. No longer a literary floozy, I’ve been pouring my heart and soul into polishing it to Mr Sheen perfection. I also got brave last week. I let someone read a chapter. Nearly ten freaking years and not a soul had clapped eyes on it, so needless to say I’d sorta convinced myself it was a load of complete shite. But it appears not mon frere.

I’ve been assured it’s good, well actually, really quite good. Publishing deal worthy, quite good. Apparently, my book has been maturing like a bottle of Henschke, and it’s about bloody time I pop the cork and share it with the world. Sample chapters are whizzing through cyberspace as we converse.

But, do let it be known, I had to two time my book for a while – we needed to take a break to reevaluate our relationship. To appreciate the good parts, and understand our flaws. I needed the freedom of blogging sans agonising over the construction of every sentence and justifying the existence of every single word in my book. The distance was just what I needed to breathe new life into it, to power its sails and confidently send it in the direction of publishing shores.

And now we’re here. Kind of like full circle. Stronger. Better. Wiser. A whole lot happier. Feeling good. Ready to run another lap of personal evolution.

But there’s one thing you can be sure of. No matter how much MWSG evolves, we’ll always stay true to our core values, and deliver you an online publication that not only has style, but also substance with side servings of our trademark wit and candour. We’ll never churn out crap we don’t believe in. Promote a beauty product we don’t love. Or lack honesty. Just because we’re looking different nowadays, doesn’t mean we’ve lost our identity. We’re still Jenny from the Block.

Which is why you’ll also see a few more new features around here. As you may have recently discovered, I’m passionate about the notion of romancing the everyday, but I’m also equally as passionate about inspiring people to find out what they really want to do, and then helping them achieve it. So, we’re going to be starting a new column and section for job hunting.

But it’s going to be a job hunting resource with a difference. Job hunting that helps creative peeps achieve their dreams (or, so we hope – we’ll certainly do our darnedest). Tools, resources, inspiration, advice from industry experts in creative fields and even competitions to win training. Because life is too short not to do what you love. And god damn it, there needs to be more support for people in pursuit of their individual creative expression as a career. Amen to that.

I recently wrote a post about this very thing, listing creative job boards across Australia (after job hunting myself and finding Seek about as useful for a creative, as a handbag of prophylatics are to a nun) and one of our readers who’d been struggling to find work in her field, applied for a job on ‘The Creative Loop’ website and got a fabulous events management job that same week.  Now – that’s what I’m talking ’bout.

We’ll continue to spend endless hours and days sourcing fabulous prizes for competitions, (because, let’s face it, we all love free stuff) but we’re changing the way we want you to enter – because, good heavens above, I’m sure you’re sick of competitions that ask you to like this, and like that, and also like my best friend and cousin twice removed to enter. So are we. Instead we want to engage you to live and create in your own lives all that The Modern Woman’s Guide celebrates. Romancing the everyday. Beauty. Creativity. Glamour. Fun. Lots of fun.

We’ll also be bringing you a monthly behind the scenes column from all the MWSG peeps. And let’s not forget new fashion and interior look books, bi-annual photo shoots and an online shopping directory with as many MWSG approved (i.e. quality online stores that we’d shop on ourselves) stores we can find, so that you have everything you need to shop online all in the one spot. Because we’re nice like that.

So, yes, you can see why I’ve been behind the red curtain of late. But, every month, I’ll now be peering out from behind it, to bring you a personal column reminiscent of the early days. Me. Straight up.

With autumn’s cool mornings heralding a change in seasons, I find myself inspired with creativity. Change of seasons also inspire me to clean out my draws and give my apartment a good once over. I awoke on Saturday, ready to attack the production line of washing begging me for attention and to roll up my sleeves and sort through all my belongings (oh how I love throwing out old things).

Alas, I was thwarted after I went down to the shops and returned to discover I was locked out. So my day was to take a new direction. I went down to the shops to place an emergency call to BF and then wandered in and out of the stores until he arrived. We then drove to my friend’s place to pick up my spare key, and decided on an impromptu dinner.

Autumn must be playing havoc with my domestic sensibilities, as I felt uncharacteristically compelled to don an apron and cook. Whilst I lovingly prepared some meatballs, with herbed pasta and sauce, I discovered Eartha Kitt on my friend’s iPod. How had I not listened to her before? You can listen to her here.

Whilst setting the table for 6, I was inspired by the white chairs, red seat covers and her chandalier embossed candle holder as the focal point for a table theme. I rummaged through her draws to find six red mismatched placemats and a French table runner, and voila, eclectic French grandeur was born! I set it off with mismatched shaped white bowls and glasses, red roses from the garden, a gold ornate ice bucket and candles. Within fifteen minutes, I had turned simple into special and created a stunning ambience for our dinner. See how easy it is to romance your everyday?

I’ve also swooning with ardent desire over Royal Daulton’s Lime and Papaya room spray. I spray my office and apartment with it every morning, and it’s divine fragrance lingers through the air whilst I work.

Don’t forget to enter our competition for your chance to win over $2000 worth of beauty, fashion and lifestyle prizes just by romancing your everyday. Click here for details.

We here at MWSG are passionate about romancing our every days and celebrating the present by injecting it with beauty, romance and glamour. Doing one simple thing a day that turns simple into special.

Drinking tea out of beautiful french cups. Putting flowers on your desk. Decorating the dinner table even when it’s not a special occasion. Showering with gardenia soap. Lighting candles. The smell of oriental lilies wafting through the house.

Over the month of March, we want you to think of ways to romance your every day and take pictures of them. You can upload your photos to flickr, upload via Instagram, create a mood board and pin on Pinterest, tweet them or publish them on your blog.

Okay, so here’s the scoop on all the fabulous prizes the winner will receive …

MOR Cosmetics

This prize pack comes from MOR’s newest Essentials Collection which features five succulent fragrances. Our goodie bag includes the ‘Neroli Clementine’ fragrance set, featuring Soap Bar, Hand & Body Lotion, Hand & Body Wash, Hand Cream, Fragrant Candle and Body Butter.

MOR describes their Neroli Clementine range as ‘Fresh Neroli and sweet Clementine rest atop a base of bright Yuzu and candied Orange.’ Not only will these leave your entire body feeling fresh, pampered and smelling absolutely divine but MOR’s gorgeous packaging (as per usual) is sure to make a lovely statement in your home. Click here to visit the MOR Cosmetics Online Boutique to see the rest of their divine products.

Benefit Raising Eyebrows Book

“When you’ve got fabulous brows, heads will turn! Lucky for you, it’s never been easier or more affordable to get your brow’s looking their best.” All you need is expert tips and advice from the Benefit Brow Bars and Cameron Tuttle for an instant facelift.

Borne Naked

Borne Naked is supplying a trio pack of their miraculous Borne Naked Liners. These little beauties will not only organise all of your handbags, but protect them from spills, lipstick smudges or other handbag-related disasters. Available in three sizes they are perfect for any sized handbag. They are discreet and have a place for everything including makeup, keys, phone and everything else you choose to carry with you. Now instead of unpacking and repacking every time you want to swap bags, simply lift out the liner and insert into another bag. Easy!

Phoenix Mini Kaftan by Colin Heaney

This piece is yet another genius work of art by Colin Heaney. It comes in a gorgeous unique print using almost every colour imaginable. Phoenix is a truly stunning amalgamation of deep purples, pink and sunset orange, perfect for an exotic vacation and sunset cruises.

(One size – RRP $120.)

Alannah Hill Hair Clips

We love the romance and vintage whimsy of Alannah Hill’s designs here at The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide, and we have two gorgeous beaded clips to grace your hair. Team them with the perfect red pout, fishnet stockings and red shoes and you’re ready to hit town. Alannah Hill style.

Revlon Custom Eyes Mascara

Long and luscious lashes are yours with this uber fabulous mascara from Revlon. It has a twisting action to reveal two different brushes to create two different effects – you can choose between long and defined, or long and dramatic for extra va-va-voom. It’s a gel based formula containing vegetable waxes which help build volume sans flaking and smudging.  It’s a tried, tested and much loved mascara at MWSG HQ.

Skin Virtue

Skin Virtue is a leading Australian skincare brand specialising in advanced dermatological products that produce effective and lasting results on the skin. Pure Re-Surfacer is a resurfacing cell renewal exfoliator – a gentle emulsion that will effectively buff away those unwanted dead surface cells responsible for dull and thick looking skin, leaving you with a smoother, firmer skin texture, less fine lines and wrinkles. Pure Line Repair is a rich and deeply penetrating eye cream to provide that boost of moisture to the dry and delicate skin around your eyes. This will immediately soften fine lines around your eyes and significantly reduce puffiness and dark circles.

108 Lifetiles Guidance Cards

108 Lifetiles are a set of contemporary guidance cards designed to help one trust their instincts and listen to their own inner guide. Many of us rely on others opinions, standards or expectations to make our choices and guide us through life, but 108 lifetiles are a simple and easy way for those to build their confidence, seek an alternative perspective and even fulfill their highest potential.

Evolvex

Evolvex.com.au is a furniture website where you can custom-design your own dream piece. We have a $60 voucher for you to get started! Start by choosing from a range of templates to help you on your way, then pick your own colour, size, shape and everything else in between. Once you’re happy with your creation it will be delivered straight to your door.

Ethos Design | Online Interior Design

Ethos Design is an interior design company offering various ‘kits’ for you to initiate a complete home makeover from the comfort of your own computer! Ethos Design helps you get started with new ideas, inspirations and of course shopping lists of everything you’ll need to create the perfect home decor for you. Ethos Design has given us a massive $249 ‘Re-fresh Kit’ which uses your existing room, furniture and contents and gives you brand-spanking new ideas for a new layout, furniture, themes and everything you’d possible need to achieve your dream room.

Face of Australia

Face of Australia Cosmetics have provided us with 7 wonderful additions to our prize pool, including the following:

• Colour Max Eyeshadow Quintette: 4 gorgeous colours that can be applied wet or dry, contain rich pigmentation for bright, dramatic colour and even contain a step by step application guide! Glide-on colour will not fade or crease throughout the day.
• High Definition Liquid Eyeliner: No mess pen applicator will provide precise and dramatic definition to your eyes. Sets within seconds and is water resistant.
• Glamorous Lashes Mascara: Contains Vitamin B and Olive Oil to moisturize and protect delicate eye lashes. Lengthens and fattens lashes for a bold and elegant look that is quick drying and water resistant.
• Pressed Bronzer Powder: Lightweight, smooth and gives even coverage and a buildable, healthy golden glow. Comes pressed in a portable compact.
• Lip Quench Lip Stick- Contains enriching Jojoba oil and Shea butter to not only provide gorgeous long lasting colour but moisturize lips that most lipsticks dry out. Also protects your lips with SPF30+.
• 2 Luxe Nail Enamels: Advanced formula will dry within 60 seconds and is 3-in-1 to include base coat, colour and top coat. High gloss, chip resistant and formaldehyde free.

•  tanGo Tan Removal Glove is the world’s first spray and self tan removal clot. It’s formulated with a polyamide fabric contains no nasty chemicals, in fact all you need to do is add water and rub it on – tan be gone ready for your next perfect layer of faux sunkissed skin.
• Smiink Semi Permanent Cosmetic Eyeliner Pen in ash brown with a duo reversible tip to provide an even application that lasts for up to 24 hours. Made from 100& water based vegetable dye and High Q vitamin ink, and are also enriched with aloe vera and vitamin E.
• Create texture and a natural wind swept-just-spent-the-day-at-the-beach look with Purepact’s Thyme & Clary Salt Water spray.
• Purepact Lavender Softening Mask is an organic nourishing and conditioning treatment containing lavender, peppermint, wheat and keratin. Combining nature and science, Purepact products do not contain any sodium laurel sulphate or any of those other nasties.

• Herbal Essences Colour Me Happy shampoo infused with Moroccan Rose and Passionfruit Nectar to protect coloured hair
• Herbal Essences Colour Me Happy Conditioner injected with hydro-activated silkening ingredients
• Nice’n Easy Hair Colour in Natural Lightest Golden Brown for permanent coverage of greys
• Pantene Nature Fusion Root Lift Mist to give your hair oomph, lift, body and bounce

$600 Worth of Taut Collagen Infusions Masks

With over 52 masks, there’s one for every week of the year! The Taut Gold Standard Collagen Masks glide onto your face, infusing it with concentrated collagen and intensely hydrating your skin. Leave them on for seven to ten minutes to allow the mask to deeply penetrate into the layers of your skin.

NEW Olay Regenerist Wrinkle Revolution Complex

In clinical trial conducted recently, a massive 82% of women agreed this product dramatically reduced the appearance of deep lines and wrinkles in just minutes after the initial application. Wrinkle Revolution provides intensive moisture and anti-aging complexes to the skin without women having to resort to painful and expensive injectables. Dermatologically tested, Olay Wrinkle Revolution is to be used twice per day after cleansing, is incredibly soft and smooth and will not cause blockages or blackheads.

Comvita Olive White

The Brightening Hydrating Lotion is a lovely light but deeply moisturising rich lotion that not only hydrates but fights signs of aging and even, lightens and brightens your skin! Dark spots and discolouration are also reported to be reduced. Olive White is incredibly natural and environmentally responsible, containing Manuka Honey and Olive Leaf Extract, and has even been awarded the prestigious Natural Seal Certification by the international Natural Products Association (NPA). They have also included their Brightening Spot Essence. This little beauty is a concentrated emulsion designed to dramatically reduce pigmentation, uneven skin tone and dark spots.

Body for Women

Body for Women LoCarb is the perfect range for those women who eat when they’re bored, eat out of habit, have far too many snacks or just want to shed a few extra kilos. We’re throwing in selection of bites, bars and protein shakes for those habitual snackers and new years resolutions involving losing weight. Body for Women bars and shakes (mix with milk or water) are high protein, low carb and taste just as great as those naughty chocolatey snacks that will leave you feeling satisfied and guilt-free. No fasting involved!

Complete the following entry form to register in the competition:

• Use #romancingeveryday and via @themodernwoman as tags when you post your photos.
• You don’t have to romance every day during March – you can romance as little or as much as you like.
• Each posted image is considered one entry, and you can enter as many times as you like.
• We will be selecting 12 finalists on April 1st, and the readers of MWSG will be choosing the winner via a poll commencing on April 10th. We also have two very fabulous surprise runner up prizes.
• If you’re a finalist you will be featured in an article that will accompany the voting poll, with a profile and a link back to your website/blog should you have one – because we are passionate about promoting women with style & substance on MWSG.
• Finalists will be announced on April 1st 2012 at 7pm.

Click here to view terms and conditions of this competition.

The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide would like to make a special mention to @fatmumslim for inspiring this competition. Her current #Marchphotooftheday project has peeps taking photos all around the world. We love the creativity she has inspired which is why we wanted to create something similar here at MWSG that inspires people to do something we are passionate about. Whilst Fat Mum Slim’s photography project isn’t an original concept, her themes for taking photos every day are. Love. Her. Work. Why not hop on over to Fat Mum Slim to find out more?

I’m starting a new weekly post to share how I will be romancing my every day for the week ahead, and invite you to share how you will romance yours. Because so often we forget that the beauty of life lies in the details of the present.

Whether it’s wearing ridiculously sexy underwear (just because), peony roses on your desk, drinking tea out of French cups or listening to Billy Holiday whilst you work, every day should be celebrated.

Yes, you’ve heard many before bang on about how it’s “the journey not the destination”, but as with many cliches, this one is true, oh so true.

What will you be doing for the rest of the week to romance your every day?

I love Laura Valerie’s writing over at One April Morning. It’s soulful. It resonates. It’s utterly beautiful. She wrote a gorgeous and insightful article for The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide last year, called The Perfection of Ordinariness, and has since followed it up with From Here I Can Watch The World.

Her thoughts had me ponder my own striving. In striving to live a fabulous life, have I actually been missing the remarkability of the every day in front of me? Dismissing each day in favour of the future. Disregarding the beauty of the present. Deeply dishonouring the precious gift that it is to be given another day of life.

Yes, I want a book deal. BAD. I want to get out of this cramped shared apartment. I want a new job. Things I strive for because I deserve them. Now, I don’t want a book deal for fame (heaven forbid that my cellulite would end up on the cover of Woman’s Day or in a stars without their makeup expose) and it’s okay to want to change your circumstances, but, I realise that wrapped in my striving is a part of me that is rejecting ordinariness. As though if I capitulate to it, then I am losing myself. Giving up on my dreams. Accepting mediocrity. Settling.

Perfecting ordinariness isn’t about being mundane or losing your spirit. It’s about romancing the every day. Drinking tea out of beautiful french cups. Putting flowers on your desk. Decorating the dinner table. Showering with gardenia fragranced soap. Lighting candles. The smell of oriental lilies wafting through the house. Swimming in the ocean. Relaxing more. In fact it’s about injecting more of your personality and spirit into your life. Just because it’s ordinary doesn’t mean it can’t be luxurious.

But, how do I perfect ordinariness whilst still honouring my dreams? How do I live in the moment whilst also progressing towards what I want?  It’s letting go of the striving that has you beat yourself with a stick to work more, to get better, to get more and to be more. It’s letting your heart guide you and moving more gracefully towards your dreams. Enjoying what you do. Honouring every day along the way.

How are you going to romance the every day in 2012?

Image Credit: 1 2

First Published in The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide on November 27, 2010.

By Gaynor Alder

Mothers everywhere, please let it be known – I’m in awe of you. Do tell me, how do you do it? I’ve been working full time this week and my niece is over from Perth with my parents – and I wonder to myself, how the feck does any woman do this motherhood malarkey with any amount of aplomb or grace?

I must confess. I used to judge those mothers at shopping centres, pushing their trolleys wearing tracksuit pants and sporting disheveled hair that looked like it was in good need of some frizz serum. Now I think they deserve a medal for just managing to have enough energy to be even pushing a trolley.

Like right now. I’m typing this with my niece wriggling around on my lap. We’ve spent the day shopping, and I’ve come to understand that shopping and children are mutually exclusive – to the point I abandoned a Country Road outlet with already discounted prices at 50% off.

I’m exhausted (hence why you’ve heard hide nor hair from me this week). Yet, when my seven year old niece turns to me and says, “aunty Gaynor, you’re the best aunty a kid could ever want, because you do art activities with me, buy me things and love me nice”, I get it. No matter how tired you are, this is the reason you do it all. Day after day. Week after week. Year after year.

You women who do this all the time, seriously, you deserve some kind of award. From what I can gather you seem to constantly run on empty, whilst working, running a home, spending quality time with your children and then trying to look after yourself. I get the tracksuit pants. I get the frizzy hair. I promise never to judge again.

As much as I love my niece (and let it be known she is the love of my live, my very reason for being) I don’t have the maternal urge. People constantly tell me that I’ll change my mind, because I’m so good with children and I’ll make a wonderful mother, but I just don’t feel it, nor do I think I’d be any chop at it.

I am at peace with that decision, even if my Dad isn’t, who I know desperately wants me to have children, and keeps telling me that I’ll end up lonely and regretful if I don’t. But I accept my limitations and I can’t live my life to make someone else happy.

Yes, I love being an aunty, but I just can’t see me being a full time mother, and that is okay. Actually it’s more than okay, because as Liz Gilbert writes in her second book Committed, being an aunty is a very special role, not only in a child’s life, but also for the mother when the aunty is able to step in and contribute something to a child’s life that a tired and exhausted mother may not always be able to.

Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to paint a picture of motherhood as one of complete sacrifice and recipe for fatigue, because I know some mothers who seem to take to it like ducks to water, and absolutely relish in it. But, I don’t believe I am that woman. Well, definitely not now, and at 34 years, I can’t see that changing in the foreseeable future. Then again, I could do a Nicole Kidman at 39 and change my mind, but a nanny and a cleaner sure wouldn’t go astray.

But, you mothers who are bringing up children, I think you need more praise. You need to be recognised more. Not just with breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day, but every day. Because you freaking amazing women day in and day out, who do what many may consider the normal every day acts of life, in my book are heroes. Let it be known, that I’m in awe of you.

In my mid 20s, I learnt the art of boundaries. Just because I was a generous of heart and all round nice girl, that didn’t mean that I had to like everyone, nor take on their problems. By the time I was 28, I had a strict VIP entry only policy. Sure there were plenty of nice people out there, but you had to be special, really special, for me to extend the full extent of friendship to you. I learnt not to feel bad about it, because being somewhat selfish was a good thing, contrary to what we are told.

However, after one bad relationship where I was stripped of my self esteem, and a few questionable friendships where I witnessed the extreme end of selfishness, I became all Mother Theresa taking on everyone’s problems and dispensing advice without being discerning enough as to whether there was a proper foundation of friendship.

This led to me being done over a few times and being sucked up in the vortex of other people’s neediness. Yes, you’re a really nice person, but I’m sorry, I can’t fix ALL your problems for you. You need to do that for YOURSELF, especially when your problems are the complete topic of conversation. There needs to be more to friendship than just problems.

So, of late, I have been thinking about bringing back the part of me that isn’t always nice. Please, do let me explain. By nature, I am a giving, caring, good person. However, sometimes people don’t respect nice. They walk all over you. Trample you. Ignore you. Drain you. This by no means, means that I am going to start being a bitch. It just means that people will start to see the other side of me again.

The side that takes no crap. The side that knows someone being “nice” doesn’t necessarily constitute a friendship. The side that draws a line in the sand and says, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to offer you advice unless you are one of my close friends. The side that says you’re not going to be part of my life unless I want you to be.

Too many women end up exhausted and depleted, because they are spreading themselves too thin. Spreading themselves too thin helping people who should be helping themselves. Spreading themselves too thin by being too nice to everyone. Spreading themselves too thin by saying yes too often. It’s never easy turning someone away or saying no, however, when you start to focus what you want from life, really want from life, it becomes very apparent what is holding you back and needs to go.

It’s VIP entry onto my red carpet. Even then, you can’t expect to go straight to the velvet lounges of VIP – we need to have a few drinks in the downstairs bar to get to know each other first, and please, a few gin and tonics doesn’t necessarily mean we are BFFs. Yes, I genuinely feel bad when I can’t always pursue a friendship, but it’s not where I make my decision from. Because I can’t – otherwise I would be living my life from what people wanted from me, instead of what I wanted from life.

Just because I am a nice person, don’t think that I am going to let you behind the red rope straight away. Don’t think you can fuck me around. Don’t think that you can dump all your problems on me. Don’t think you can take me for granted. Because you can’t. There is a bouncer at the end of my red carpet, and I have no qualms in raising my hand in the air and pointing at you if you have not respected me, you have been too pushy or have drained me.

I need to remind people of that, because like I said before, sometimes I’m too nice.

Image source

First Published on The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide on 2nd June 2011

We’ve all worked with people who get an erection whilst wielding their over inflated sense of self importance over others, just because they have a title. Otherwise referred to as a wanker.

They regularly like to let you know that you are their subordinate (directly or indirectly), just in case you forget that you are beneath them in the corporate food chain. Even if your job title doesn’t happen to fall below them in the organisational chart, they manipulate others in higher positions (otherwise known as wrapping equally retarded senior management around their little fingers) so that they can make other people’s lives a misery.

Me? I’ve experienced my fair share. Retail in particular seemed to be a breeding ground for mediocre women lacking in substance, carrying around their clip boards and reprimanding their employees for coming back five minutes late from their break or enforcing complete silence during a stock take. The glint in their eye that they were enjoying exercising their power over you did not go undetected.

When the General Manager for the state cut me off in a conversation to speak to someone else “more important” I quickly handed in my resignation. General manager or no general manager, she wasn’t going to treat me like I was nobody. I later heard through the ex employee grapevine that she was sacked by the company after numerous complaints for how she treated her staff.

My “small penis of the year award” for 2009 went to the guy in charge of the stationery cupboard at David Jones, who despite having the key in his pocket and standing in front of said cupboard, refused to give me a pen because he only opened the cupboard between 9 and 11 am. What one was meant to do when their shift started at 12pm was beyond me, but pushing the issue only served to heighten his satisfaction over being able to hinder my ability to get what I needed. Little, little man.

Although “Fabio” did have very curly long hair and I think he fancied himself as a bit of a ladies’ man. It may have worked for him in the 80s (coupled with a double denim stonewash ensemble, or so I am imagining … actually, eeek, I think I’d rather not), but his locks only made him even more tragic in my eyes.

Another manager enjoyed asking me for files and snapping her fingers to ask where they were not a minute later. I can still hear her ugly shrill descending down the office corridor as she demanded, “GayyyyNNNOR, where is that file?” Listen lady, you may think you’re the Queen of Sheba sitting there in your big chair and fancy office (which quite frankly I find hideous in the extreme with its gaudy decor and framed glamour shot of yourself, but hey whatever works for you), but I’ve only been here a day, so how about pointing me in the direction of your filing cabinet?

The thing is this. You’re never going to make me feel small by withholding a pen from me. You’re not going to affect my confidence in my abilities by placing unrealistic demands on me. You’re not going to belittle me by sending me bullshit emails, and you’re sure as hell not going to impress me just because you’re carrying a clipboard. In fact, your hideous displays are a source of entertainment that make me laugh at you on the inside.

Do not continue to work for people who do not respect you and get their self worth by stealing yours. Kick these kinds of people to the kerb, and step over them in your Christian Louboutins with complete disregard and disgust as you would a drunken bogan spewing up in the middle of the footpath. Protect yourself from these vampires, just as you would your new designer shoes whilst stepping over said bogan.

Arm yourself with the knowledge that what you’re dealing with are very weak, small, tiny, sad, little specimens. For empowered people with style, substance and self belief, have no need to power trip over others to make themselves feel important. Do not let them steal your confidence, self worth or time and energy. Rise high above them, for you my friend are the stronger, more fabulous, better, much much better person.

By Laura Valerie

Dear modern women who, presumably, would like a little help surviving this crazy world of ours,

*The true author is Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. The full quote, in The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, reads: