I know that you have the talent and ability to create and live a good life regardless of anything I tell you or not. However now that I am a parent to two children {a daughter and a son} with wonderfully strong spirits whose presence has turned my life upside down, every day I walk the line between providing guidance and reassurance and telling them things that I know as wisdom but they hear as nagging.

Me who is you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jo Bassett from Living Savvy is an executive and performance coach, team leader and facilitator, wife, mother of two spirited little people, big-time dreamer and idea explorer (with a Masters Degree and PhD research underway).

She founded the living savvy movement to inspire people like you to live your dream life, and to give you the tools you need to make it happen. Click here to follow her on Facebook.

By Gaynor Alder

I’ve always been a city girl, and my sense of self has always felt lovingly wrapped up in the joie de vivre of its energy. The way its streets pulse with life. The glamorous lifestyle it offers its occupants. Being surrounded by creative people. Quick commutes to the city. Strutting out my door to a cafe for breakfast. Shops within metres from my doorstep.

Leaving the inner city ring is like someone slowly switching off my oxygen, and my soul screams out as it drains the life out of me, suburb by suburb, street by street, home by home. JUST. NOT. ME.

But, something else has become important to me at this point in time. My independence. Having my own space. A sense of security. A sanctuary for my soul so that I can continue to create, without being at the mercy of other people. And as I continue to grow a successful writing business, I have a decision to make.

I could keep living in an inner city apartment that has a shoebox for a wardrobe, or I could move out for a year or so, into a 2 bedroom townhouse in the suburbs that has a space for my office and be financially buoyant. But it doesn’t make the decision any less excruciating, and this inner crisis is a doozy, because it pushes on my core fear. My very essence. Everything I’m about.

Never sacrificing who I am to work the 9 to 5 grind, just so I can have a mortgage and settle in the suburbs.

Seems I’m staring down the barrel of an existential crisis that has me at a psychological standstill. Move to the suburbs so I can continue to follow my dreams, yet in doing so enter territory that is the seeming antithesis of those very dreams.

Check-fucking-mate.

Am I opening the doorway to compromise, and in doing so will it swallow my sense of self whole one compromise at a time until I am shadow of my former self? Will I give up and accept it forever, just because it’s easier? Will I give up on my dream of being a writer with an inner city lifestyle, just so I can I have a roof over my head? Will I compromise my creative self and get stuck in the suburbs forever?

Of course my psyche is knocking on the door to my confused soul, ready to chime in with its unwanted two cents to add to the head fuckery that is holding my sense of self to ransom.

“We all have to make sacrifices, what makes you so special?”

“We all have to work to make a living and keep a roof over our heads.”

“You should just be grateful just to have somewhere to live. There are people in Africa who have no food and water, you know.”

“You sound like a right selfish, self centred, spoilt brat.”

Bullshit I say to that. Bullshit.

As a creative person who is taking practical steps to grow a thriving business, I take umbrage to these kind of thoughts. Because it’s these very thoughts that hold too many of us captive. Too many of these thoughts quash our self belief that we are worthy of following our dreams. Too many of these thoughts that have people capitulate and surrender themselves to dogmatic practicality that is a breeding ground for unfulfillment and mid life crises.

Why shouldn’t there be more support for people who want to do what they love in order to keep a roof over their heads?

Whilst we have endless compassion, why should we let our benchmark of what we should accept for ourselves be set by those in extreme poverty and horrible circumstances? Wouldn’t they too want more for themselves if they could?

Why shouldn’t we focus on our happiness? Because the more people who are living live with meaning and fulfillment, the more joy there is being spread throughout the world, that touches, inspires and lifts others to live their best lives too.

So existential crisis, pack your bags and eff off. Because I know who I am and who I am not. I know that it matters. I trust in myself to stay true to who I am, no matter what life throws my way, just like I always have. And if I change and happen to embrace a new way of life, I know that it will be because it’s right, and I will let happiness be my indicator of this.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Gaynor Alder is a Melbourne based writer with a penchant for vintage glamour and all things Parisian. She started writing The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide, after the umpteenth person told her, you know you should really write a book. Her fingers struggled daily to keep up with the thoughts that desperately wanted to become words on pages, to take centre stage in a book that she knew was going to become the new voice of womankind. Her calling, her destiny, her whatever you want to call it, Gaynor writes because she can’t not write. She is also the Editor-in-Chief of the Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide and stands by her adage that the quality of your life, is dictated by the quality of your hair.

I started this site as a blog in 2009, posting my random musings and accounts on living whilst riding the fabulous ups and downs that is the exciting roller coaster of life.

I’d spent the previous six years writing a book, running my manicured nails over the keyboard whenever inspiration took a stranglehold of my psyche, but without an audience (you know, like someone actually reading my work) I never did really feel like a bona fide writer. Like I was some kind of fraud. A fake. A hapless romantic with idealistic notions and a pipe dream.

And what a joy it was to discover the blogging platform as a medium to write to an actual audience. I just started writing about whatever was going on in my life. What I was going through. Struggling with. Triumphing over. Just me, pouring out my thoughts and emotions, as I processed my inner landscape. Every full stop at the end of an article, dispensing a personal and cathartic panacea.

I never planned what I was going to write. I just wrote. The words came to me, rather than me going looking for them. Paragraphs of thought would hold me hostage in my sleep, not releasing their grip until I turned on my laptop (often at hideously inconvenient hours in the morning) and write. Write until it naturally felt right to stop.

Then you started dropping by. Relating to what I was saying. Bonding with my thoughts. Leaving comments even. “Did you just peek into my diary?” “How did you know exactly what I was going through?” “Did you peer through my living room window this morning?” And I found a new joy in writing. Connecting with an audience who got something out of what I wrote. Whether it inspired them, comforted them, made them laugh out loud, it didn’t matter … my words made a difference. To you.

But then, my muse stopped knocking on the door to my blogging soul. It plain nicked off to play with the other boys and girls. It came back from time to time, but found it hard to dig itself out from under a mountain of work (you know that day job thingy most us writers have on the side whilst we fanny about with literay prose for pure love.)

At the same time, I started to source other content for the site. Different voices. Different outlooks. Different topics. I stopped speaking at you, and rather started to talk with you, and soon we started playing together. And along the way, The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide grew up. She’s evolved from a personal blog to an online magazine. An online magazine that I am proud to be Editor-in-Chief of. An online magazine where I have the privilage of working with some of Australia’s most dedicated, passionate, talented and amazing writers.

And there’s another reason I’ve stopped writing so much about me on here – I realised I’d been cheating on my book with a blog. No longer a literary floozy, I’ve been pouring my heart and soul into polishing it to Mr Sheen perfection. I also got brave last week. I let someone read a chapter. Nearly ten freaking years and not a soul had clapped eyes on it, so needless to say I’d sorta convinced myself it was a load of complete shite. But it appears not mon frere.

I’ve been assured it’s good, well actually, really quite good. Publishing deal worthy, quite good. Apparently, my book has been maturing like a bottle of Henschke, and it’s about bloody time I pop the cork and share it with the world. Sample chapters are whizzing through cyberspace as we converse.

But, do let it be known, I had to two time my book for a while – we needed to take a break to reevaluate our relationship. To appreciate the good parts, and understand our flaws. I needed the freedom of blogging sans agonising over the construction of every sentence and justifying the existence of every single word in my book. The distance was just what I needed to breathe new life into it, to power its sails and confidently send it in the direction of publishing shores.

And now we’re here. Kind of like full circle. Stronger. Better. Wiser. A whole lot happier. Feeling good. Ready to run another lap of personal evolution.

But there’s one thing you can be sure of. No matter how much MWSG evolves, we’ll always stay true to our core values, and deliver you an online publication that not only has style, but also substance with side servings of our trademark wit and candour. We’ll never churn out crap we don’t believe in. Promote a beauty product we don’t love. Or lack honesty. Just because we’re looking different nowadays, doesn’t mean we’ve lost our identity. We’re still Jenny from the Block.

Which is why you’ll also see a few more new features around here. As you may have recently discovered, I’m passionate about the notion of romancing the everyday, but I’m also equally as passionate about inspiring people to find out what they really want to do, and then helping them achieve it. So, we’re going to be starting a new column and section for job hunting.

But it’s going to be a job hunting resource with a difference. Job hunting that helps creative peeps achieve their dreams (or, so we hope – we’ll certainly do our darnedest). Tools, resources, inspiration, advice from industry experts in creative fields and even competitions to win training. Because life is too short not to do what you love. And god damn it, there needs to be more support for people in pursuit of their individual creative expression as a career. Amen to that.

I recently wrote a post about this very thing, listing creative job boards across Australia (after job hunting myself and finding Seek about as useful for a creative, as a handbag of prophylatics are to a nun) and one of our readers who’d been struggling to find work in her field, applied for a job on ‘The Creative Loop’ website and got a fabulous events management job that same week.  Now – that’s what I’m talking ’bout.

We’ll continue to spend endless hours and days sourcing fabulous prizes for competitions, (because, let’s face it, we all love free stuff) but we’re changing the way we want you to enter – because, good heavens above, I’m sure you’re sick of competitions that ask you to like this, and like that, and also like my best friend and cousin twice removed to enter. So are we. Instead we want to engage you to live and create in your own lives all that The Modern Woman’s Guide celebrates. Romancing the everyday. Beauty. Creativity. Glamour. Fun. Lots of fun.

We’ll also be bringing you a monthly behind the scenes column from all the MWSG peeps. And let’s not forget new fashion and interior look books, bi-annual photo shoots and an online shopping directory with as many MWSG approved (i.e. quality online stores that we’d shop on ourselves) stores we can find, so that you have everything you need to shop online all in the one spot. Because we’re nice like that.

So, yes, you can see why I’ve been behind the red curtain of late. But, every month, I’ll now be peering out from behind it, to bring you a personal column reminiscent of the early days. Me. Straight up.

I love Laura Valerie’s writing over at One April Morning. It’s soulful. It resonates. It’s utterly beautiful. She wrote a gorgeous and insightful article for The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide last year, called The Perfection of Ordinariness, and has since followed it up with From Here I Can Watch The World.

Her thoughts had me ponder my own striving. In striving to live a fabulous life, have I actually been missing the remarkability of the every day in front of me? Dismissing each day in favour of the future. Disregarding the beauty of the present. Deeply dishonouring the precious gift that it is to be given another day of life.

Yes, I want a book deal. BAD. I want to get out of this cramped shared apartment. I want a new job. Things I strive for because I deserve them. Now, I don’t want a book deal for fame (heaven forbid that my cellulite would end up on the cover of Woman’s Day or in a stars without their makeup expose) and it’s okay to want to change your circumstances, but, I realise that wrapped in my striving is a part of me that is rejecting ordinariness. As though if I capitulate to it, then I am losing myself. Giving up on my dreams. Accepting mediocrity. Settling.

Perfecting ordinariness isn’t about being mundane or losing your spirit. It’s about romancing the every day. Drinking tea out of beautiful french cups. Putting flowers on your desk. Decorating the dinner table. Showering with gardenia fragranced soap. Lighting candles. The smell of oriental lilies wafting through the house. Swimming in the ocean. Relaxing more. In fact it’s about injecting more of your personality and spirit into your life. Just because it’s ordinary doesn’t mean it can’t be luxurious.

But, how do I perfect ordinariness whilst still honouring my dreams? How do I live in the moment whilst also progressing towards what I want?  It’s letting go of the striving that has you beat yourself with a stick to work more, to get better, to get more and to be more. It’s letting your heart guide you and moving more gracefully towards your dreams. Enjoying what you do. Honouring every day along the way.

How are you going to romance the every day in 2012?

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In my mid 20s, I learnt the art of boundaries. Just because I was a generous of heart and all round nice girl, that didn’t mean that I had to like everyone, nor take on their problems. By the time I was 28, I had a strict VIP entry only policy. Sure there were plenty of nice people out there, but you had to be special, really special, for me to extend the full extent of friendship to you. I learnt not to feel bad about it, because being somewhat selfish was a good thing, contrary to what we are told.

However, after one bad relationship where I was stripped of my self esteem, and a few questionable friendships where I witnessed the extreme end of selfishness, I became all Mother Theresa taking on everyone’s problems and dispensing advice without being discerning enough as to whether there was a proper foundation of friendship.

This led to me being done over a few times and being sucked up in the vortex of other people’s neediness. Yes, you’re a really nice person, but I’m sorry, I can’t fix ALL your problems for you. You need to do that for YOURSELF, especially when your problems are the complete topic of conversation. There needs to be more to friendship than just problems.

So, of late, I have been thinking about bringing back the part of me that isn’t always nice. Please, do let me explain. By nature, I am a giving, caring, good person. However, sometimes people don’t respect nice. They walk all over you. Trample you. Ignore you. Drain you. This by no means, means that I am going to start being a bitch. It just means that people will start to see the other side of me again.

The side that takes no crap. The side that knows someone being “nice” doesn’t necessarily constitute a friendship. The side that draws a line in the sand and says, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to offer you advice unless you are one of my close friends. The side that says you’re not going to be part of my life unless I want you to be.

Too many women end up exhausted and depleted, because they are spreading themselves too thin. Spreading themselves too thin helping people who should be helping themselves. Spreading themselves too thin by being too nice to everyone. Spreading themselves too thin by saying yes too often. It’s never easy turning someone away or saying no, however, when you start to focus what you want from life, really want from life, it becomes very apparent what is holding you back and needs to go.

It’s VIP entry onto my red carpet. Even then, you can’t expect to go straight to the velvet lounges of VIP – we need to have a few drinks in the downstairs bar to get to know each other first, and please, a few gin and tonics doesn’t necessarily mean we are BFFs. Yes, I genuinely feel bad when I can’t always pursue a friendship, but it’s not where I make my decision from. Because I can’t – otherwise I would be living my life from what people wanted from me, instead of what I wanted from life.

Just because I am a nice person, don’t think that I am going to let you behind the red rope straight away. Don’t think you can fuck me around. Don’t think that you can dump all your problems on me. Don’t think you can take me for granted. Because you can’t. There is a bouncer at the end of my red carpet, and I have no qualms in raising my hand in the air and pointing at you if you have not respected me, you have been too pushy or have drained me.

I need to remind people of that, because like I said before, sometimes I’m too nice.

Image source

By Laura Valerie

Dear modern women who, presumably, would like a little help surviving this crazy world of ours,

*The true author is Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. The full quote, in The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, reads:

By Gaynor Alder

As little girls in school, being taunted with “she loves herself” was a stigma more feared than being picked last for a sport’s team (ahem, sport was never my strong suit). We were taught to be good little girls, to never brag, to hide our intelligence from the rest of the class for fear of being a “nerd”, and it was ever so good to put others before ourselves. “Gaynor is always a kind and considerate class member who puts others needs before her own. A+”

But womankind has come a long way in the self-care movement. We know that giving is a great joy, but unless we take care of ourselves, then we can’t possibly take care of others. However, when we do carve out time for ourselves, do we really enjoy it, or we are still hijacked by a hefty side serving of guilt and lashings of oh-my-god-shouldn’t-I-be-flying-to-a-third-world-country-and-devoting-my-time-to-feeding-the-poor?

Let’s take a look at ‘Eat Pray Love’ by Elizabeth Gilbert for example. Whilst I devoured it like a Sarah Lee sticky date pudding straight from the foil in one sitting with a knife and fork, others expressed their ardent dislike. Hate even. The majority of these comments centred around her being self-indulgent.

For me, Liz was simply responding to a call from her soul to find herself after a relationship where she had lost her sense of self – and haven’t we all needed to perform CPR on ourselves after a relationship has sucked us dry? I think she gave herself a precious gift that has allowed her to now life an authentic, happy and fulfilling life. Snaps to her I say.

Sure, we can’t all take off for a year and travel to far flung exotic locations to find ourselves, but this isn’t about ‘Eat Pray Love’, or whether you liked it or not. This is about you. It’s about giving yourself permission to lavish yourself with the love that you deserve – just like you do on everyone else.

Whether it’s an hour, a day, weeks, months or even years, there are times when we need to put ourselves first. Rejuvenate. Recover. Rebuild. It’s not about ego. It’s not about being shallow. It’s not about being self-absorbed. It’s about giving ourselves permission to celebrate, honour and nurture ourselves. A healthy dose of it’s all about me.

For me, I devote every Wednesday to myself and switch off from the world. Turn off my phone. Have a pedicure and manicure. Get my hair blow dried at the hairdresser. Stay in my pyjamas if I want to. Watch DVDs. Do some yoga. Do whatever I bloody well fancy.

Because if I don’t, I lose my centre, and my mind as Judith Lucy so eloquently put it recently, becomes a cross between “a fly blown chop and question time at Parliament House.” It also helps me to maintain my boundaries, because as a naturally giving person, I can wind up exhausted and depleted and needing to build a veritable Great Wall of China around myself.

We can’t always be good little girls who say yes all of the time, when we really want to say no. We need to make more time for ourselves to nurture our hopes and dreams. We need to give ourselves the time to care for our mind, body and soul. And in this harried world with its endless demands and responsibilities, we need to push pause on life so that we can just breathe and be.

Because it really does need to be all about you sometimes, and god damn it, why shouldn’t it be? How do you put yourself first when you need to?

Image Credits: 1, 2, 3

Coco Chanel said fashion fades but style is eternal, and I think it’s safe to say that she would have considered manners the height of style. Not the pretend kind of style that uses social status or designer labels to project a certain image, but the real kind that emanates from within and radiates beauty, elegance and class. Don’t get me wrong, I adore a good designer frock, actually, no scratch that, make that, love a good designer frock, but clothing is never a substitute for substance.

I met a lot of people during Melbourne Spring Fashion Week, and was lucky enough to have some great conversations with inspiring, interesting and lovely people. Monsieur Richard Lambert, the global ambassador for Cointreau was a particular highlight – polite, charming and genuine. Oui, oui. But some people forgot to pack their manners in their handbags and it left such a bad taste in my mouth, that no amount of fancy cocktails could disguise it.

You see, I don’t do bullshit, and I certainly don’t appreciate being discarded like last season’s fashion, just because someone more “important” comes along, and all of a sudden I become a nobody. And, oh, whilst we’re on the subject of somebodies and nobodies – I’m sure as hell not interested in being considered a somebody by people like that. I’m not saying I want to be your new best friend (I have my own), but I do expect you to display manners 101 at the very least.

I’m not interested in talking with people because of their status, who they know and how important other people consider them to be. I’m interested in talking with people because of who they are. If I have to be Gaynor from XYZ in order for you to want to talk with me, then, quite frankly, I’d rather be having root canal than entertain a false and shallow conversation with you. And I’d rather you didn’t waste my time in the first instance, because I could do without all the pretend before you proceed to offend and disrespect me.

Tonight was the complete opposite. A fabulous dinner party with a beautifully set table adorned with flowers and candles, divine food and great tunes. But they key ingredient was the people. Fabulous people. Genuine people. People who make me laugh. People I love. People worth spending my time with.

Remember, there will always be wankers and pretentious people whose bad manners and smug demeanours will make you want to do a small vomit in your mouth. The trick is to navigate your way around them whilst holding your head high, knowing who you are and what you stand for. Because pretentious people with bad manners certainly aren’t cool, nor do they have style or substance.

Bad manners will always be out of vogue in my book.

When many women look in the mirror, far from fairest of them all, they see too much of this and not enough of that, and lo and behold, if that isn’t enough, they start putting themselves down in comparison to others. Nasty and to be avoided at all costs – just like someone mouthing the c word, (no, I’m not a fan).

We’ve all been guilty of comparing ourselves to others, weighing our success, happiness, talents, looks and whatever else against the appearance of someone else we think has what we want and don’t have in ourselves. It’s as pointless as a dieter stepping on the scales several times a day and a treacherous recipe for low self esteem.

So why do women do this? Why do women continue to compare themselves to others, denying their own beauty in the process? Why do they continue to compare themselves against others who may on the surface have what they want, but perhaps may not have half the substance or happiness they have? Silly isn’t it?

The more you focus on yourself and give yourself permission to cultivate your self esteem, the less you’ll fall prey to comparison. For, when you are happy and learn to celebrate yourself in all your fabulous glory, the more you can stand side by side other women, content in yourself, knowing that you all have something special to offer and thus celebrate them too. Because it isn’t a competition ladies – and it isn’t about being perfect.

A big part of this is recognising that you can never be everything. You can never be perfect, and let it be known womankind that perfection is the complete anthesis of self esteeem. Stop trying to be perfect – yes, right this very minute. Because the beautiful irony is that perfection lies in the imperfection, and it’s all those things that you deem as imperfections and wrestle within yourself about, that combine to make your quirks and individuality, and I bet they are the things that people love most about you.

Stop trying to be everything to everyone. And for god’s sake, stop comparing yourself to everyone else. It’s as bloody futile as an aging supermodel trying to say no to botox. Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop and start celebrating who you are. Recognise your individual beauty and what you have to offer the world. You have so many qualities that other people don’t, especially the women you are putting up on a pedestal, and it’s time you start putting youself up on that pedestal.

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As you may know, I am what you call an all or nothing person, and as such I don’t naturally gravitate towards the middle ground. This means May could well throw a few challenges my way. However, with help from Jo Bassett from Living Savvy, I am continuing to make small sustainable changes until they becoming lasting lifestyle habits.

After cementing habits in April for self nurturing, Wednesdays will continue to be wholly and solely “all about me” with a weekly blow dry, manicure, pedicure and doing whatever I god damn well please without worrying about anybody else. In May, I am committing to my weekly “AFD” (alcohol free day) and pledging to take up yoga, drink water on a daily basis and take my vitamins. I will continue to do these until they become part of my lifestyle, and Jo will be on hand to help guide me through any precarious moments that have me reach for the bottle. Downward dog anyone?

As I start to clean up my act on the health front, other parts of my life are putting up their hand to have their draws cleaned out too. Combine this with hormones that often seek refuge in going on a cleaning rampage, I find myself decluttering my life of all the things that are, how shall we say, okay, let me just be frank – giving me the shits.

From shoes with broken heels that have been sitting in my wardrobe for months, to things on my to do list that have been taunting me with their tardiness, and ill fitting clothes that leave me uncomfortable (ahem, they must have shrunk in the wash) nothing is safe. If it’s annoying me or preventing me from approaching my days with ease, then it’s being scrutinised like a princess about to walk down the aisle and thrown out like a guest wearing white at a royal wedding.

The more I repair, throw out and complete, the more I feel the energy around me shift, thus creating harmony and space for new things to enter my life (hello Penguin Publishers, my people will talk with your people).

Image Credits: 1

By Gaynor Alder

What are the ten commandments that you live your life by? If you don’t have your ten commandments, then I suggest you create them – stat. Here are mine.

i) Thou can’t live without a weekly blowdry at the hair dressers. Or manicure. Or pedicure. Nor should one feel guilty about indulging in such activities. Yes, never underestimate the power of good hair to one’s psyche.

ii) Thou shall not spread thyself too thin and shall also put thyself first when thy need to. Failure to adhere to this, shall result in burn out and stress. Nasty and to be avoided at all costs.

iii) Thou does not do mornings. Full stop. Nor shall thou deem thyself lazy for failing to rise at such ungodly hours, when one is more than willing to work at hours more conducive to one’s well being and productivity.

iv) Thou shall not cook. Chopping, peeling, boiling and baking may be foreign to one’s vocabulary, but one is in possession of other talents. Cooking shall be relegated to David Jones’ Foodhall, restaurants and men who enjoy providing culinary nourishment to the woman in their life.

v) Thou shall not let sub standard people into their life. Ever. This refers to friends, partners and working relationships, or even family if they are toxic to your life.

vi) Thou shall under no circumstances ever compromise on what is important to thyself.

vii) Thou shall not work 9 to 5 if one is a free spirit. Attempts to do so, will only destroy one’s soul.

viii) Thou shall say no to commitments that they can’t or don’t want to commit to. Anyone who does not have your best interests at heart and throws a ‘tanty’ when thy says no, is not worthy of being in your life anyway, so let them go with peace in your heart.

ix) Thou shall look after their health. One will not realise how much it means to thyself until they lose it.

x) Thou shall surround themselves with beauty, and people who love, respect and support them.

Share with us – what are your ten commandments?

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As part of this coaching, Jo has asked me to participate in ‘Monday Bites’ on Living Savvy, where Jo says “each Monday I share three simple ideas I have to fine-tune my own ordinary to live extraordinary this week, and I hope you will share yours!”

Since writing my letter from my future self in one year’s time, I am focused on what I want to achieve this year. Now to break it down, I will be participating in Monday bites, to make small achievable steps in my weekly life to achieve these goals.

So here are my Monday Bites for this week:

1. I am cutting down my drinking to 3 glasses of wine on a week night. Some may wonder if what I was drinking before was destination AA, but no, like many other women, I had got into a habit of drinking to wind down after a day’s work and cope with life’s stresses. However, since I have realised that I no longer need to do this, I have committed to reducing my intake in small steps, whilst still allowing myself to enjoy a crisp cool glass (or two, or three Miss Jane, Miss Jane) on the weekends.

2. I am going to start taking fish oil again on a daily basis. Holy hell, have you seen how fabulous your hair and nails are when you take it?!

3. I am booking into have my hair blow dried this Friday. This is going to be an ongoing part of my life, whereby I exercise the extravagant aspect of my nature, and hell, we all know how much I believe in the quality of our hair dictating the quality of our lives. Yes, yes, I could use the GHD myself, but, ahem, I am bit lazy like that, and love the whole experience of going to the salon.

I also suggest that you click here to view Jo Bassett’s recent appearance on The Circle on channel ten, where she discusses why women find it so hard to ask for help.

Question Time: What 3 things can you do this week to help you fine tune your life to live the extraordinary. Hop over to Living Savvy to leave your comments on ‘Monday Bites’.

I harbour such contempt for cooking, that in the unseemly event that I have to prepare a meal, it must take under 10 minutes and involve no more than 5 dishes, including the knife and fork. Perhaps it has something to do with my inability to grasp the fundamentals such as boiling water? Attempts to do so, invariably result in a pot burned to its destruction.

I place the pot of water on the stove with good intentions, but whilst I’m waiting for the water to boil I take full advantage of the adage that a watched pot never boils and engage in far more exciting activities such as painting my nails. Maybe it’s the fumes from the nail polish, but the act of returning to the pot erases itself from my memory.

When I have to put on a pair of gloves and clean, I also put on my heels to counteract the damage of being a 1950s housewife to my psyche.  Warning, tiles may be slippery.  I won’t wash dishes in the sink, as despite obvious damage to my manicure, this is why dishwashers were invented (the thought of running out of dishwashing powder doesn’t warrant thinking about).

I refuse to get my hands dirty, and as such I have no business with a rake. I hate handwashing, opting instead for crossing my fingers with the delicate cycle on my machine. I operate the dryer all through summer rather than pegging clothes on the line (forgive me for the carbon trail, but I justify this gross inconsideration for the environment with the fact that I don’t drive).  I detest chopping and peeling vegetables so much that I  will pay exorbitant amounts of money for ones that have been already cut for me in gourmet supermarkets. Needless to say, when I discovered online grocery shopping, it changed my life in ways in which words can’t describe.

Despite my disdain for the drudgery of domesticity, I must confess, I have a penchant for spring cleaning. I’m not a believer in feng shui per say (you certainly won’t find me hanging wooden flutes in my romance corner) but I swear I can feel the energy shift as I throw out old things.  I’m told it not only ushers in fresh energy, but  also creates the space for new things to enter your life. Like a woman possessed, I sort through clothes, letters from ex lovers and old bills as though the more I throw out, the closer I am to a Chanel handbag miraculously entering my life.

I inevitably end up with a pile of overdue library books that need returning.  I may be an organised person, yet returning library books has never been a strong point, and as such, I’m banned from every library in the country. Library staff are an entire different strain of the human species – all anal retention, stern looks, sandal worshipping and beige cardigans. Their calling in life is to protect the dewey decimal system whilst enforcing complete silence.  They seem to have special powers, somehow reverting adults to school children, and I end up tip toeing around the library, terrified that I’m going to be sent to the Principal’s office for being a naughty girl.

I’m equally as bad at returning DVDs. I have twenty cards from video stores all over the country, 19 of which I’m unable to use.  I fear that as soon as I step foot on the premises, security will surround me in manner of tactical response group, “Gaynor Alder, put your hands in the air where we can see them and move away from the counter, move away from the counter.  You’re under arrest for the failure to return Dirty Dancing in 1989”.

“I suggest that you write a letter to your future self or create the dream board for your future self, imagining that you are in February 2012 and looking back and describing how you did it by answering what you have have noticed, what would be achieved, what would be different? What would you have stopped doing or be doing more of?”

So here goes:

Bonjour,

Snaps to you darling. What an amazing year you’ve had. Not only do you have a book deal in your hot little hands, you’re now working from home as a Writer and earning a fabulous living from it. Bet you didn’t think you’d get here did you?

Your alarm clock is a thing of the past – no more dragging yourself out of bed before your body is ready to and struggling to find the energy to get through the day. No sirree.

I must say, I do love your apartment – yes it’s the one you’ve always dreamed of. Your French damask mirror looks ever so gorgeous, as do all the black and white framed images of Paris and old Hollywood film stars, oh and look at all that brand spanking new furniture.

Good hair days are eternally yours, thanks to the weekly blow dries from your hairdresser (and I don’t need to tell you how the quality of your hair dictates the quality of your life). You even have the time to paint your nails every week (all that chipped polish wasn’t very becoming darling).

I’m glad you finally starting doing pilates again – it’s been ever so good to help calm and centre your mind and body. I know you’re really dying to know if you can fit back into your skinny jeans. Round of applause, yes since you worked through your fears of a relationship, your need to drink most nights of the week slipped away, as did the kilos.

Now that you’re no longer working a day job, you have more time for your friends. Please stop fretting that you’re not staying in touch with them enough at the moment. The fact you worry so much, shows how much you care, and they know how much you love them. Be kinder to yourself please.

I know what you’re thinking (after all, you could say we know each other quite well), gee this all sounds so swell, but how on earth did I do it?

You started saying no more. You maintained your boundaries at work, so that it didn’t take over your head space in your spare time. You took holidays when you needed them. You stopped worrying so much about everyone else, and started looking after yourself better. You started carving out time for yourself – albeit it may have only been an hour here and and there, but these small moments of time combined to make a big difference in your life. These things helped you to remain centred in yourself so that you could maintain your mojo in 2011, because, yes, I won’t lie to you it is a busy and full year.

However, it will be a rewarding year. A year that you will look back on in triumph, proud of everything you have achieved, not just materialistically, but within yourself. A year that rather than let it run you, you grabbed hold of and took what you wanted from it in order to get where you are now. A year that despite your schedule, you retained your sense of self and fulfilled your dream of a living a lifestyle that is conducive with who you really are.

You also have so many beautiful people in your life, who are shaking their pom poms for you – people who’ve got your back, who will look after you and who love you. They will be your greatest strength.

Be kind to yourself.

Be gentle to yourself.

Look after yourself.

Don’t stop believing in yourself.

Now go lay down and have a rest – you need it.

Love me x

Image credits: 1, 2

When I went into my Manager at work and told her that Channel Seven asked to interview me, and that I told them that I couldn’t do it because I was having a bad hair day, her response was, “you didn’t really tell them that did you?! Get on the phone now, tell her you’ll do it and get down to the hairdressers now. That’s an order.”

Moments later I was running down Sydney Road in Brunswick in search of a hairdresser and make-up artist who could transform my just-got-out-of-bed-I-overslept-my-alarm-haven’t-washed-my-tresses-in-days look to that of something befitting for a national television debut in under 2 hours stat.

Sick was rising in my throat, as I scanned shop after shop, for someone I could place my beauty needs in the hands of. Luckily, after abating a panic attack in a brown paper bag, I stumbled across Sara Jade Hairdressers. In I ran, puffing and panting, barely able to spit out, “I’m going to be on TV in 2 hours, and I need someone to sort me out from top to toe”.

Sara immediately took control of my predicament, and before I knew it I was in her chair and my hair was being lovingly washed and conditioned ready for her to weave her magic on me. Not only that, she had called her make up artist and spoken to the owner of Ruby Patootie to supply an Audrey Hepburn style dress for the occasion. What. A. Woman.

Next thing I knew, Sara was wielding her expertise with a hair dryer over my locks, whilst I gazed at the Audrey Hepburn images in her salon. Thank you Audrey, I must commend you for helping me to compose myself and giving me the poise I needed for when the cameras arrived (the glass of vino that Sara organised for me, didn’t go astray either).

So without further ado, for those of you who didn’t see my television debut, here it is (let it be known, that on night of airing, I was rocking in foetal position on the floor, asking myself why I had done such a thing, convinced I had a head for radio – hardly the words of a woman who purports to liberate women and promote self esteem, but let’s keep it real (as we love to do here on The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide) all us women suffer a crisis of confidence from time to time).

Stylists

Sara Jade Hairdressing

Shop 19, 459 Sydney Road

Brunswick VIC 3056

(03) 9388 1322

Click here to join Sara Jade Hairdressing on Facebook

Dress by Karen Millen from Ruby Patootie

Shop 14 Hardwick Building

459 Sydney Road

Brunswick VIC 3056

(03) 9388 0497

http://rubypatootie.com.au/

I don’t know about you, but my mojo has been missing in action (if you find it, can you please call me – a reward will be offered).

Decemeber was a marathon of drinking, and it left me starting January like I hadn’t had a break at all and fantacising about taking a month off in Bora Bora in my bikini. The years seemed to merge into one, instead of the usual punctuation of time with the beginning of a new year.

You see, I love January. Normally it’s a time where I reflect, regroup and recharge for the year ahead. I go on one of my must-throw-out-everything-old-mad-feng-shui-cleanses and relish in the new energy it ushers. Then there’s my new catch cry to carve out for the year – a motto or mantra if you will, that I leave the house with, coupled of course with ridiculously sexy underwear (ahem, the current state of my lingerie draw doth beg to differ, and needless to say a trip to Agent Provocateur is required, stat).

I dragged myself through the first few weeks of January, struggling to get my head around all that I have on my plate. I started the year snowed under, drowning and gasping for air. Horror of all horrors, my draws still contain old papers from 2010, which I’m sure are wreaking havoc with my romance corner (if you believe in all that feng shui malarkey – personally, reading all the rules of where I can and can’t put things sends me batty but still somehow seeps into my sub conscious invoking suspicion that if I do put a mirror at the end of my bed something bad will happen to me).

With the end of the month approaching, I am slowly yet surely starting to get into the swing of the year – as though I’ve been thrown a life raft after desperately treading water trying to keep my head above water for the past few weeks. But it’s all this talk of time which is just the problem – for, I am not a time keeper, and the schedule I’ve had to create in order to be in control of the colussal workload I have on my plate to reach my goals this year and maintain my job and stop anxiety in its tracks, is a complete affront to my free spiritied sensibilites.

I may not have given my cupboards a once over, nor do I have a concrete catch cry for the year, but I have sat down and had a good talking to my schedule. I can’t do it all on my own anymore. Not just in my work life, but in my personal life. Delegation and streamlining have featured highly, as has opening up and letting people help me more instead of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Because not only do I want to continue writing here on this blog, get a publishing deal for my book and continue to succeed with my day job, I want to spend more time with the people I love this year.

Last year I worked like a trojan until the early hours of the morning and during my weekends. But this year I refuse to do that, no siree. However, I can see now that the hard work has paid off and it has set a foundation for me to build upon. Something I can call my own – not bricks and mortar, but a labour of love built from dedication and steadfast determination. A writing career.

So, as I continue to slowly ease into 2011, I remind myself to stay focused on what’s important throughout this process of unpiling of what’s on top of me. And perhaps this is just where I need to be right now – sorting and sifting through tasks, thoughts and emotions. Perhaps I need to trust the process, and let 2011 reveal itself to me in its own good time. One thing I do know is that in so many ways it has already been a fabulous and beautiful year, and there is so much promise and goodness awaiting.

Image Credits: 1, 2

That’s not just because of who I am, but most importantly, it’s because I believe that it’s the candor that you, my readers really engage with and benefit from for yourselves – and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of that going around (realness that is).

But, there are things that I will never write about here, because I also think it’s important to keep certain parts of yourself sacred. It’s these parts of myself that I shared with two very special people at Christmas. The parts of myself that have been broken by people in the past, the parts of myself you’d need to know me for a long time or be very special to ply out of me.

Yes I felt vulnerable as it came pouring out of my heart, but I knew I was safe. I also knew that it was time for me to start talking about it again, because it needed to come out at that time, in order for me to put an end within myself to these things. Part of this also made me realise just how much I did go through, and that it’s really important for me to acknowledge that within myself – for I won’t find peace without doing so.

Because so often, we don’t acknowledge the difficulties we have overcome. We are told that there is always someone worse off than ourselves who has been through more than we have. Well, I am here to tell you that you must stop doing that. Right now. For, what I went through deserves acknowledgement, and so does whatever it is you have been through. But if you can’t do that for yourselves, well then, I am here to help you do that. Because we need to god damn it.

My story is one of extreme ill health for nearly a decade that debilitated me beyond belief, coupled with a relationship that brought me to my knees and nearly destroyed me. There is so much more to that story that I won’t share, but what is important about this, is that I realise right here and now, just how bad it all was.

Because part of who I am is to expect a lot from myself (0therwise known as being far too hard on oneself), and above all I must be able to always be stronger than anything that life throws at me. You could say I am a bit of a trooper in that respect. It is these very qualities that enabled me to get through what I did. I took my illness moment by moment and day by day, and grabbed onto any skerrick of strength to pull me to the next moment – and the next moment, and the next day, and the next year.

Now, I find myself here. Well. Free of an abusive relationship. However, there is a complete disconnect from that time to this time, because, desperately treading water and moving forward was the only thing I could keep doing, otherwise I would have drowned under its force … and after all, aren’t we always told we must leave the past in the past, and always keep moving forward. Quite frankly, I think is is crap.

I think this does a lot of our hearts in the quest for inner peace, a great disservice. Because moving forwards without dealing properly with the past, is really just a form of denial, and often leaves great gaping holes in us – and hell there are many beautiful things from our past that should never be forgotten. These special memories need to be dusted off and lovingly polished to perfection, because there are times in our lives that deserve to be relived, remembered and cherished – and even the bad ones have helped shape us who we are today.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about wallowing and letting our past debilitate us in the present, and affect our future, but we need to acknowledge the past, before we can fully enjoy the present. So this brings to me to the purpose of this article. The part in this story where I look back at what I have overcome and what I have been through, for it needs to be honoured – not for anybody else, but for myself.

I am proud that I survived nearly a decade of ill health in the face of overwhelming obstacles, not only mostly alone, but with a great amount of dignity, courage and grace. I acknowledge just how horrific this part of my life was and just how amazing I am that I was able to survive it on the day to day basis in the way that I did, and be the person that I am today, despite all of it. I am proud that unless you knew me, you would have had no idea of what I was suffering with, because there was one thing I was determined about, and that was that my health problems were never going to take my spirit away from me. And they didn’t. For it was my spirit that got me through it all.

I acknowledge just how much my last relationship damaged me, and that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way that I was, and in no way was it a reflection on me. I acknowledge that I endured the incomprehensible confusion of being afflicted so much hurt and neglect by someone who appeared to love me so much, and I let go of being so hard on myself that I let him do all that to me (yes, that old nutshell). I am proud that I left that relationship. I am proud that I have built such a happy life since he left me shaking and crying in the corner on the verandah that day.

I acknowledge that it’s okay that the damage of this relationship is resurfacing after all this time (because, hell, don’t others seem to put a time limit on how long it should take?) and that I have lived and achieved so much since then without thinking about him, and this is the natural order of things – because things resurface when they are meant to. When you are ready. When the time is right for you to process them. When you need to in order to properly open your heart in store for someone else to enter it (oh, damn, does this mean I have to give up being a coquettish minx who never forms real relationships with anyone, but thrives on the adventure of taking a lover in a new city or for a new season?)

I am proud of the person I have become. I am proud of what I have achieved in the past few years. Above all, I am proud that no matter what anybody has ever said to me, and despite whatever life has thrown at me or what society has told me I should do, that I have never stopped following my dreams of becoming a writer. I am proud that I stand on my own ground and live life by my own values. I am proud that I don’t draw my self esteem from the job that I do or from what others think of me, but from how I feel about myself from the inside.

What do you need to acknowledge within yourself and what are you proud of?

First Published on the 5th of June 2010

I was speaking with the fabulous Miss Kempson of Sarah’s Style Emporium and she told me about a fabulous article where the person wrote a letter to their 16 year old self.

I thought it was a brilliant idea, so I am going to write one to my teenage self  – a Dolly magazine reading, hair bleach and strawberry lip gloss addict, who was always agonising over the unrequited love of a high school crush.

Hmmm, why do I feel the need to find some stationery and spray it with some perfume?

Dear 16 year old Gaynor,

I’m nearly 20 years older than you now (yikes), I guess you can consider me an aunty of sorts – you can call me aunty G if you like.

First of all, I must take you to task over your spiky fringe and the Vanilla Ice poster in your bedroom – don’t worry your taste in fashion and music will change for the better.

Stop pining over boys who don’t like you – they are not worth it my dear, nor are the popular girls who sit on the back seat of the bus. You’re better than all of them put together (really, you are, I’m not just saying that because I’m your favourite aunt).

Don’t ever think you are not good enough, not pretty enough or not anything enough – don’t ever let anyone determine how you feel about yourself except you.

There are going to be some unbelievably tough times, tougher than you could ever comprehend right now (I know nothing could seem worse than the agony of the object of your affections choosing to go out with someone else on school camp, but believe me there is) but you will emerge from those times with more strength than you could have ever imagined, and you will use it for the rest of your life.

Never forget that you are the most important person in your life. It is not selfish to put yourself first when you need to, because you’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself.

No matter how bad things seem – it will pass. Promise.

Your quiet determination is one of your greatest strengths – don’t ever let anyone make you doubt yourself or what you want to do in life.

Cut off critical, disrespectful and toxic people at the knees (metaphorically speaking of course) – they have no place in your life.

Surround yourself only with people who love and respect you. One of your greatest joys in life will be your friendships. In fact, they will be your greatest joy. You will still be friends with Katie Janelle after all these years, and you will learn that this is one of the greatest achievements in life – to have a friend that will be there throughout it all, in thick and thin. Oh, and yes, you will both be still as obsessed about makeup as you are now, but go easy on the Tresor perfume will you?

You will be an aunty, and you will experience a love that you never thought possible for another human being. Emily Rose is six turning on seven now, and you will love her like she is your own.

Don’t stress about figuring out what you want to do with your life – only living life can teach you that, and you will do lots of fabulous things anyway. You don’t have to do the same thing forever – do what you love for as long as you love it, and then do something different.

Never be afraid to try things – so many people are too preoccupied with their egos and what other people think of them, that they won’t take risks for fear of failing (this isn’t really going to get them anywhere now is it?) There is no such thing as failure, only learning.

Explore and live life by your own rules – there is no race to the finish line.

Don’t ever let a man destroy you. Make sure you love yourself so much, that no man can ever possibly treat you bad and make you feel like it’s all your fault. Choose wisely who you give your heart to – not all men are created equal.

You deserve love. However, it will take you a few goes to get it right. Don’t worry, his predecessors will make you a much stronger woman and make you appreciate meeting him all that more special.

Love yourself, not for what you do and don’t do in life, but just because of who you are.

ALWAYS trust your intuition.

Love yourself. No, it’s not stuck up, arrogant or self involved. You have no idea how important it is to love who you are. Oprah (she is a TV talk show host) will remind you when you forget, but honest and for true, when you really learn to love yourself and be your own best friend, life seems to fall into place.

Stop being so hard on yourself god damn it.

There will be friends that come into your life for a certain time only – and that’s okay. Cherish the good times, let it go and then move on.

When you fall out with friends, it will either end the friendship or be an opportunity for the friendship to grow stronger and more beautiful than before.

You will travel to many places and meet many people – yes, including Europe. Exciting, I know.

It’s the people in your life that matter the most. Spend as much time with the people in your life that you love – they won’t be around forever.

You will never be able to eat as much as you like and not put on weight again – enjoy it. Bitch! Just joking, but I am jealous of how you can eat whatever you want and still look like an exchange student from a third world country.

You will still be as crap with money as you are now – but I’m working on it, I promise.

Smoking isn’t as cool as it looks. Drugs are even less cool than they look.

Don’t let people walk all over you and stop being so bloody nice all the time – not everyone deserves your kindness.

Never feel bad about about being sensitive and emotional – it’s one of your most beautiful qualities, and you will learn that it’s also one of your greatest strengths. Show anyone the door that doesn’t respect this.

Never stop believing in yourself.

You have no idea how proud I am of you.

Love your aunty G x

P.S Did I tell you important it is to love yourself?

What would you say to your 16 year old self?

Image sources: 1, 2

Not only will I be putting in my two cents worth, but there will also be guest commentators from time to time who will be experts in their chosen fields. Do not fear, if you’re worried you might just end up with my crummy advice, the real beauty is that the readers of The Modern Woman’s Survival will be invited to comment and offer their advice too.

Does My Bum Look Big In This?

Surely there’s a better way to lose that ten kilos than substituting food for shakes and feeling so faint from hunger that you end up sliding down the side of the breakfast bar and start imagining that inanimate objects such as pens and staplers are actually food.

Surely there’s a better way to get back into your skinny jeans without fearing all carbohydrates as evil and turning into a snappy moody cow because your brain is suffering from a severe serotonin shortage due to lack of said carbohydrates.

Well, yes there is! Oh, gosh, I said that rather confidently didn’t I, and, well, let me confess, I haven’t quite worked it out yet myself. But thankfully The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide has a fabulous health expert lined up to answer all your health, fitness and well being questions – actually, hang on a minute, yes diet too, because even though I think it’s a dirty word, we are all still obsessed with them, so may as well talk about them, if not just to liberate womankind from their evil clutches.

When I Grow Up

This is for work and career advice, but ultimately to inspire and help women to lead fulfilling and rewarding careers doing what they love. A topic I am extremely passionate about, so passionate about, that I even used the word passionate (for some reason I find that word tacky, if not for its sheer overuse) and could write a chapter in a book about it (oh, hang on a minute, I did).

It also makes me want to get up on my soapbox, and the only other thing that makes me feel that way is when retailers start putting up Christmas decorations in August.

In this modern world, we need to be able to do what we love, but also keep the roof over our heads – and not just any shabby old roof either. Here in this column, I want to challenge the notions and the beliefs that imprison so many people and keep them stuck in lives and careers that lack substance and soul, and ultimately leave them veering head onto into a mid life crisis.

But, we don’t do mid life crises. No, we do the quarter life crisis instead, and the difference is that the QLC is a blessing in disguise, and the earlier it gets you, the more confusing it is and the more it throws you around like you’ve been thrown into a tumble dryer with a couple of bricks, the better, because it’s shaking you up, and clearing the way for you to follow your true path.

So instead of running scared, it’s about embracing the questions and confusion, because more often than not, it’s just you breaking free of all the things you’ve been told to be true, and all those things people expect you to do so that you can be “successful”. Real success is learning to stand on your own ground in the face of disbelief and doubt from others and living the life YOU want to live.

Real Men Only Need Apply

For all your Sex and the City type problems such as conducting thorough post mortems of dates – does he or doesn’t he like me and more importantly will he or won’t he call, and all that jazz.

Dear Modern Woman

Think of this as your agony aunt type of column – problems with friends, life, money and any other general life questions.

Gee that all sounds so swell, that if you don’t actually have a problem, I’d be making one up if I was you. Now, I don’t profess to have all the answers, but, together with experts and support of all our readers, we can put our head up, shoulders back and tits forward as we navigate together through life’s ups and downs, in order to live the most fabulous life we can.

So, get to it, and fill out the form below.

First published in the Courier Mail on September 27th, 2010.

Bonjour mes belle amies.

How are you on this beautiful morning?  I hope you have had fabulous weekends and have managed to build some ‘me’ time into it at some point.  My ‘me’ time this week consisted of blissfully colour-coordinating my walk-in wardrobe.  It is now looking tidy, beautiful and tempting, and what is more, I excitedly discovered pieces I had forgotten about!

However, on congratulating myself on my wardrobe mini-achievement, it occurred to me that the real challenge was in fact going to be keeping it in this pristine and perfect condition on account of one rather busy toddler who liked to drive his ride-on car into aforesaid wardrobe and ‘helpfully’ rearrange items (especially carefully positioned handbags, shoes and scarfs).  And as I pondered on this thought with furrowed brow, my gaze fell upon a book sitting quietly and unassumingly on my bookshelf, and suddenly my little challenge didn’t seem so difficult at all.

Women Who Changed The World’ is about the fifty most inspirational women who shaped history – pioneers pushing at new frontiers of achievement and showing us how they helped shape the modern world for women.  As I picked up the book and flicked through the pages, something incredible occurred to me.  Not only was every single one of the women in this book an absolute icon, but nearly every single one was also a mother.

I felt proud, very proud.

From Cleopatra to Catherine the Great, from Margaret Thatcher to Audrey Hepburn.  Rulers, warriors, sportswomen, innovators, writers, artists, heroines and revolutionaries – they were all listed.  These women had achieved superstar status in so many different ways.  They had encountered struggles, tragedy and triumph.  And what is more, they had done it all whilst being mums.  Like you, like me.

So how did they do it?  When I couldn’t even work out how I was going to keep my newly organised walk-in wardrobe in order with a feisty toddler on the loose, how did these sensational women mark their significant stamp on the world whilst simultaneously managing to be a parent?  I wanted to know what their secret was and what’s more, I wanted some of it.  I set about reading the book from cover to cover to see if I could catch a glimpse of what this was.  And I did.  And it was something wonderful.

These ladies all had one thing in common.  An absolute unwavering belief in themselves and what they were doing. They lived through passion for their cause.  They knew they could do it and they never thought to question it.  They did not allow self-doubt to rule their worlds but trusted in their instincts, trusted in their success and trusted in their future.  There was no such word as ‘cannot’ in their vocabulary.  And that was their simple secret.  That was their weapon.

It seems to me that with a strong philosophy of positive thinking in life we really could all be super mummies in our own special way, much like these inspirational ladies.  If we spent as much time feeling positive and powerful as we do feeling worried and guilty, it is my view we would all be more efficient, more energetic and happier.  Positive energy is much like a child.  It is an astonishing force that blooms with nurture and it is capable of extraordinary things.  If you wish to learn a new hobby, move overseas, change career or undertake that long awaited project, it can be done if you have belief.

And if you have a hard time trying to inject your spirit with this serum of self-assurance, I give you one prompt to keep you focused.  Motherhood.  Being a good parent is the hardest (and most important) job in the world and if you can do this, you really CAN do anything.  As for me, my colour-coordinated closet has now been installed with a child-proof lock and life is rosy once again.

Jessica is a feature writer and currently writes for the Courier Mail, the Journal Weekender and Profile Magazine amongst other publications.  Jessica writes internationally and has been published in many high profile Australian and London print publications.  Jessica specialises in current affairs, beauty, health, women, family/parenting, lifestyle and business.  Jessica is also the business owner of Publicity (a public relations and communications consultancy in Noosa) and the mother of a gorgeous little ball of fire, Zac Xavier, who is two years old.  Jessica loves all things stylish, all things french and all things expensive and adores to be surrounded by pretty things.  Jessica has an innate ability to connect with her audience.

You can visit her website by clicking here.

Image Credits: 1, 2