I love Laura Valerie’s writing over at One April Morning. It’s soulful. It resonates. It’s utterly beautiful. She wrote a gorgeous and insightful article for The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide last year, called The Perfection of Ordinariness, and has since followed it up with From Here I Can Watch The World.

Her thoughts had me ponder my own striving. In striving to live a fabulous life, have I actually been missing the remarkability of the every day in front of me? Dismissing each day in favour of the future. Disregarding the beauty of the present. Deeply dishonouring the precious gift that it is to be given another day of life.

Yes, I want a book deal. BAD. I want to get out of this cramped shared apartment. I want a new job. Things I strive for because I deserve them. Now, I don’t want a book deal for fame (heaven forbid that my cellulite would end up on the cover of Woman’s Day or in a stars without their makeup expose) and it’s okay to want to change your circumstances, but, I realise that wrapped in my striving is a part of me that is rejecting ordinariness. As though if I capitulate to it, then I am losing myself. Giving up on my dreams. Accepting mediocrity. Settling.

Perfecting ordinariness isn’t about being mundane or losing your spirit. It’s about romancing the every day. Drinking tea out of beautiful french cups. Putting flowers on your desk. Decorating the dinner table. Showering with gardenia fragranced soap. Lighting candles. The smell of oriental lilies wafting through the house. Swimming in the ocean. Relaxing more. In fact it’s about injecting more of your personality and spirit into your life. Just because it’s ordinary doesn’t mean it can’t be luxurious.

But, how do I perfect ordinariness whilst still honouring my dreams? How do I live in the moment whilst also progressing towards what I want?  It’s letting go of the striving that has you beat yourself with a stick to work more, to get better, to get more and to be more. It’s letting your heart guide you and moving more gracefully towards your dreams. Enjoying what you do. Honouring every day along the way.

How are you going to romance the every day in 2012?

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In my mid 20s, I learnt the art of boundaries. Just because I was a generous of heart and all round nice girl, that didn’t mean that I had to like everyone, nor take on their problems. By the time I was 28, I had a strict VIP entry only policy. Sure there were plenty of nice people out there, but you had to be special, really special, for me to extend the full extent of friendship to you. I learnt not to feel bad about it, because being somewhat selfish was a good thing, contrary to what we are told.

However, after one bad relationship where I was stripped of my self esteem, and a few questionable friendships where I witnessed the extreme end of selfishness, I became all Mother Theresa taking on everyone’s problems and dispensing advice without being discerning enough as to whether there was a proper foundation of friendship.

This led to me being done over a few times and being sucked up in the vortex of other people’s neediness. Yes, you’re a really nice person, but I’m sorry, I can’t fix ALL your problems for you. You need to do that for YOURSELF, especially when your problems are the complete topic of conversation. There needs to be more to friendship than just problems.

So, of late, I have been thinking about bringing back the part of me that isn’t always nice. Please, do let me explain. By nature, I am a giving, caring, good person. However, sometimes people don’t respect nice. They walk all over you. Trample you. Ignore you. Drain you. This by no means, means that I am going to start being a bitch. It just means that people will start to see the other side of me again.

The side that takes no crap. The side that knows someone being “nice” doesn’t necessarily constitute a friendship. The side that draws a line in the sand and says, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to offer you advice unless you are one of my close friends. The side that says you’re not going to be part of my life unless I want you to be.

Too many women end up exhausted and depleted, because they are spreading themselves too thin. Spreading themselves too thin helping people who should be helping themselves. Spreading themselves too thin by being too nice to everyone. Spreading themselves too thin by saying yes too often. It’s never easy turning someone away or saying no, however, when you start to focus what you want from life, really want from life, it becomes very apparent what is holding you back and needs to go.

It’s VIP entry onto my red carpet. Even then, you can’t expect to go straight to the velvet lounges of VIP – we need to have a few drinks in the downstairs bar to get to know each other first, and please, a few gin and tonics doesn’t necessarily mean we are BFFs. Yes, I genuinely feel bad when I can’t always pursue a friendship, but it’s not where I make my decision from. Because I can’t – otherwise I would be living my life from what people wanted from me, instead of what I wanted from life.

Just because I am a nice person, don’t think that I am going to let you behind the red rope straight away. Don’t think you can fuck me around. Don’t think that you can dump all your problems on me. Don’t think you can take me for granted. Because you can’t. There is a bouncer at the end of my red carpet, and I have no qualms in raising my hand in the air and pointing at you if you have not respected me, you have been too pushy or have drained me.

I need to remind people of that, because like I said before, sometimes I’m too nice.

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By Laura Valerie

Dear modern women who, presumably, would like a little help surviving this crazy world of ours,

*The true author is Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. The full quote, in The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, reads:

By Gaynor Alder

As little girls in school, being taunted with “she loves herself” was a stigma more feared than being picked last for a sport’s team (ahem, sport was never my strong suit). We were taught to be good little girls, to never brag, to hide our intelligence from the rest of the class for fear of being a “nerd”, and it was ever so good to put others before ourselves. “Gaynor is always a kind and considerate class member who puts others needs before her own. A+”

But womankind has come a long way in the self-care movement. We know that giving is a great joy, but unless we take care of ourselves, then we can’t possibly take care of others. However, when we do carve out time for ourselves, do we really enjoy it, or we are still hijacked by a hefty side serving of guilt and lashings of oh-my-god-shouldn’t-I-be-flying-to-a-third-world-country-and-devoting-my-time-to-feeding-the-poor?

Let’s take a look at ‘Eat Pray Love’ by Elizabeth Gilbert for example. Whilst I devoured it like a Sarah Lee sticky date pudding straight from the foil in one sitting with a knife and fork, others expressed their ardent dislike. Hate even. The majority of these comments centred around her being self-indulgent.

For me, Liz was simply responding to a call from her soul to find herself after a relationship where she had lost her sense of self – and haven’t we all needed to perform CPR on ourselves after a relationship has sucked us dry? I think she gave herself a precious gift that has allowed her to now life an authentic, happy and fulfilling life. Snaps to her I say.

Sure, we can’t all take off for a year and travel to far flung exotic locations to find ourselves, but this isn’t about ‘Eat Pray Love’, or whether you liked it or not. This is about you. It’s about giving yourself permission to lavish yourself with the love that you deserve – just like you do on everyone else.

Whether it’s an hour, a day, weeks, months or even years, there are times when we need to put ourselves first. Rejuvenate. Recover. Rebuild. It’s not about ego. It’s not about being shallow. It’s not about being self-absorbed. It’s about giving ourselves permission to celebrate, honour and nurture ourselves. A healthy dose of it’s all about me.

For me, I devote every Wednesday to myself and switch off from the world. Turn off my phone. Have a pedicure and manicure. Get my hair blow dried at the hairdresser. Stay in my pyjamas if I want to. Watch DVDs. Do some yoga. Do whatever I bloody well fancy.

Because if I don’t, I lose my centre, and my mind as Judith Lucy so eloquently put it recently, becomes a cross between “a fly blown chop and question time at Parliament House.” It also helps me to maintain my boundaries, because as a naturally giving person, I can wind up exhausted and depleted and needing to build a veritable Great Wall of China around myself.

We can’t always be good little girls who say yes all of the time, when we really want to say no. We need to make more time for ourselves to nurture our hopes and dreams. We need to give ourselves the time to care for our mind, body and soul. And in this harried world with its endless demands and responsibilities, we need to push pause on life so that we can just breathe and be.

Because it really does need to be all about you sometimes, and god damn it, why shouldn’t it be? How do you put yourself first when you need to?

Image Credits: 1, 2, 3

Coco Chanel said fashion fades but style is eternal, and I think it’s safe to say that she would have considered manners the height of style. Not the pretend kind of style that uses social status or designer labels to project a certain image, but the real kind that emanates from within and radiates beauty, elegance and class. Don’t get me wrong, I adore a good designer frock, actually, no scratch that, make that, love a good designer frock, but clothing is never a substitute for substance.

I met a lot of people during Melbourne Spring Fashion Week, and was lucky enough to have some great conversations with inspiring, interesting and lovely people. Monsieur Richard Lambert, the global ambassador for Cointreau was a particular highlight – polite, charming and genuine. Oui, oui. But some people forgot to pack their manners in their handbags and it left such a bad taste in my mouth, that no amount of fancy cocktails could disguise it.

You see, I don’t do bullshit, and I certainly don’t appreciate being discarded like last season’s fashion, just because someone more “important” comes along, and all of a sudden I become a nobody. And, oh, whilst we’re on the subject of somebodies and nobodies – I’m sure as hell not interested in being considered a somebody by people like that. I’m not saying I want to be your new best friend (I have my own), but I do expect you to display manners 101 at the very least.

I’m not interested in talking with people because of their status, who they know and how important other people consider them to be. I’m interested in talking with people because of who they are. If I have to be Gaynor from XYZ in order for you to want to talk with me, then, quite frankly, I’d rather be having root canal than entertain a false and shallow conversation with you. And I’d rather you didn’t waste my time in the first instance, because I could do without all the pretend before you proceed to offend and disrespect me.

Tonight was the complete opposite. A fabulous dinner party with a beautifully set table adorned with flowers and candles, divine food and great tunes. But they key ingredient was the people. Fabulous people. Genuine people. People who make me laugh. People I love. People worth spending my time with.

Remember, there will always be wankers and pretentious people whose bad manners and smug demeanours will make you want to do a small vomit in your mouth. The trick is to navigate your way around them whilst holding your head high, knowing who you are and what you stand for. Because pretentious people with bad manners certainly aren’t cool, nor do they have style or substance.

Bad manners will always be out of vogue in my book.

But something has happened to me this winter. My idea of a perfect weekend has been staying in my pyjamas as long as possible, playing scrabble, doing crosswords and watching Midsomer Murders, and lo and behold last weekend, I baked a batch of scones – and here’s the kicker. I enjoyed it. WTF?! Anyone seen my zimmer frame?

Needless to say, I find myself in the midst of an internal struggle, fighting my nanna tendencies tooth and nail. Truth be told I’m petrified that long after the sun starts shining, that my glamour will remain lost under a pile of crochet. “Hello, 000, I think I’ve lost my glamour”.

Will I ever get excited about putting in my velcro rollers, gluing on my false lashes, putting on a new dress and hitting town? Or have I lost my mojo for good? Is it just winter? Have I just changed? Have I just been plain worn out from a relentless schedule and needed a god damn break? Or is this just a phase I am going through? Upon reflection, I think it’s a combination of all these things.

Yes, maybe I am changing a little. But if so, why am I finding this so hard to accept? Because, if I delve a little deeper, I realise I am comparing myself to this notion that everyone else out there is living this fabulous social life that unless I also maintain, them I am somehow flawed. But is this notion even real? I think not. Just another stereotype and impossible standard we women like to beat up our self worth with (being the perfect weight and doing yoga everyday needed a bit of a break from being wrestled with by my psyche).

And good heaven’s above, Melbourne’s winter is enough to send anyone reaching for their dressing gown, slippers and raiding their DVD collection. And, yes, lordy lord, I’ve needed a good long rest from working harder than one of Tilly Devine’s girls in a 1920s Sydney brothel.

So, with spring about to bloom with summer in hot pursuit, I am sure to naturally discard my pyjamas and start to reemerge into the community at large, like the cherry blossoms and sweet jasmine that are gracing us yet again with their divine presence, reminding us of the natural ebbs and flows of the seasons. And for it is so with the natural seasons of our souls – we flourish and bloom, and then we prune back our lives, change and grow, and then flourish and bloom again.

So it’s time to stop giving myself such a hard time. Because no matter how many nights I may have in playing board games, there is one thing that will never change – my adoration of romancing life and bringing glamour to the every day. Flowers on the table. Napkins tied with silk ribbons. Dinner on pretty plates. Lanterns strung in the garden whilst entertaining guests. A bathroom filled with beauty products.

And soon the false eyelashes, curlers and lipstick are set to get a major workout during Melbourne Spring Fashion Week, and my heels will  be clicking on the cobblestones of the Melbourne laneways searching for a new hidden bar and restaurant quicker than you can fiddle with a tube of glue and false eyelashes whilst trying not to poke your eyes out with the tweezers.

But you can bet your bottom dollar, that I will still be nudging my BF some weekends when I need to embrace my inner nanna and take a break from the world, asking him to help me with number 34 down. “Darling, six letter word for female senior citizens who like to bake scones?”

After all, wasn’t it our nannas who looked after us, nurtured us and made us feel special when we needed it most? Baking us apple pie and making lamingtons from scratch as we happily played solitaire on their kitchen table for hours (and I can tell you I was never more content as a child than when I was with her). So, it’s time to embrace my inner nanna and welcome her with open arms, just like I would if my real one was still here with us today. Because I still need her, just like I did back then.

Do you have an inner nanna, and how do you embrace her?

When many women look in the mirror, far from fairest of them all, they see too much of this and not enough of that, and lo and behold, if that isn’t enough, they start putting themselves down in comparison to others. Nasty and to be avoided at all costs – just like someone mouthing the c word, (no, I’m not a fan).

We’ve all been guilty of comparing ourselves to others, weighing our success, happiness, talents, looks and whatever else against the appearance of someone else we think has what we want and don’t have in ourselves. It’s as pointless as a dieter stepping on the scales several times a day and a treacherous recipe for low self esteem.

So why do women do this? Why do women continue to compare themselves to others, denying their own beauty in the process? Why do they continue to compare themselves against others who may on the surface have what they want, but perhaps may not have half the substance or happiness they have? Silly isn’t it?

The more you focus on yourself and give yourself permission to cultivate your self esteem, the less you’ll fall prey to comparison. For, when you are happy and learn to celebrate yourself in all your fabulous glory, the more you can stand side by side other women, content in yourself, knowing that you all have something special to offer and thus celebrate them too. Because it isn’t a competition ladies – and it isn’t about being perfect.

A big part of this is recognising that you can never be everything. You can never be perfect, and let it be known womankind that perfection is the complete anthesis of self esteeem. Stop trying to be perfect – yes, right this very minute. Because the beautiful irony is that perfection lies in the imperfection, and it’s all those things that you deem as imperfections and wrestle within yourself about, that combine to make your quirks and individuality, and I bet they are the things that people love most about you.

Stop trying to be everything to everyone. And for god’s sake, stop comparing yourself to everyone else. It’s as bloody futile as an aging supermodel trying to say no to botox. Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop and start celebrating who you are. Recognise your individual beauty and what you have to offer the world. You have so many qualities that other people don’t, especially the women you are putting up on a pedestal, and it’s time you start putting youself up on that pedestal.

Image Credits: 1

As you may know, I am what you call an all or nothing person, and as such I don’t naturally gravitate towards the middle ground. This means May could well throw a few challenges my way. However, with help from Jo Bassett from Living Savvy, I am continuing to make small sustainable changes until they becoming lasting lifestyle habits.

After cementing habits in April for self nurturing, Wednesdays will continue to be wholly and solely “all about me” with a weekly blow dry, manicure, pedicure and doing whatever I god damn well please without worrying about anybody else. In May, I am committing to my weekly “AFD” (alcohol free day) and pledging to take up yoga, drink water on a daily basis and take my vitamins. I will continue to do these until they become part of my lifestyle, and Jo will be on hand to help guide me through any precarious moments that have me reach for the bottle. Downward dog anyone?

As I start to clean up my act on the health front, other parts of my life are putting up their hand to have their draws cleaned out too. Combine this with hormones that often seek refuge in going on a cleaning rampage, I find myself decluttering my life of all the things that are, how shall we say, okay, let me just be frank – giving me the shits.

From shoes with broken heels that have been sitting in my wardrobe for months, to things on my to do list that have been taunting me with their tardiness, and ill fitting clothes that leave me uncomfortable (ahem, they must have shrunk in the wash) nothing is safe. If it’s annoying me or preventing me from approaching my days with ease, then it’s being scrutinised like a princess about to walk down the aisle and thrown out like a guest wearing white at a royal wedding.

The more I repair, throw out and complete, the more I feel the energy around me shift, thus creating harmony and space for new things to enter my life (hello Penguin Publishers, my people will talk with your people).

Image Credits: 1

By Gaynor Alder

What are the ten commandments that you live your life by? If you don’t have your ten commandments, then I suggest you create them – stat. Here are mine.

i) Thou can’t live without a weekly blowdry at the hair dressers. Or manicure. Or pedicure. Nor should one feel guilty about indulging in such activities. Yes, never underestimate the power of good hair to one’s psyche.

ii) Thou shall not spread thyself too thin and shall also put thyself first when thy need to. Failure to adhere to this, shall result in burn out and stress. Nasty and to be avoided at all costs.

iii) Thou does not do mornings. Full stop. Nor shall thou deem thyself lazy for failing to rise at such ungodly hours, when one is more than willing to work at hours more conducive to one’s well being and productivity.

iv) Thou shall not cook. Chopping, peeling, boiling and baking may be foreign to one’s vocabulary, but one is in possession of other talents. Cooking shall be relegated to David Jones’ Foodhall, restaurants and men who enjoy providing culinary nourishment to the woman in their life.

v) Thou shall not let sub standard people into their life. Ever. This refers to friends, partners and working relationships, or even family if they are toxic to your life.

vi) Thou shall under no circumstances ever compromise on what is important to thyself.

vii) Thou shall not work 9 to 5 if one is a free spirit. Attempts to do so, will only destroy one’s soul.

viii) Thou shall say no to commitments that they can’t or don’t want to commit to. Anyone who does not have your best interests at heart and throws a ‘tanty’ when thy says no, is not worthy of being in your life anyway, so let them go with peace in your heart.

ix) Thou shall look after their health. One will not realise how much it means to thyself until they lose it.

x) Thou shall surround themselves with beauty, and people who love, respect and support them.

Share with us – what are your ten commandments?

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As part of this coaching, Jo has asked me to participate in ‘Monday Bites’ on Living Savvy, where Jo says “each Monday I share three simple ideas I have to fine-tune my own ordinary to live extraordinary this week, and I hope you will share yours!”

Since writing my letter from my future self in one year’s time, I am focused on what I want to achieve this year. Now to break it down, I will be participating in Monday bites, to make small achievable steps in my weekly life to achieve these goals.

So here are my Monday Bites for this week:

1. I am cutting down my drinking to 3 glasses of wine on a week night. Some may wonder if what I was drinking before was destination AA, but no, like many other women, I had got into a habit of drinking to wind down after a day’s work and cope with life’s stresses. However, since I have realised that I no longer need to do this, I have committed to reducing my intake in small steps, whilst still allowing myself to enjoy a crisp cool glass (or two, or three Miss Jane, Miss Jane) on the weekends.

2. I am going to start taking fish oil again on a daily basis. Holy hell, have you seen how fabulous your hair and nails are when you take it?!

3. I am booking into have my hair blow dried this Friday. This is going to be an ongoing part of my life, whereby I exercise the extravagant aspect of my nature, and hell, we all know how much I believe in the quality of our hair dictating the quality of our lives. Yes, yes, I could use the GHD myself, but, ahem, I am bit lazy like that, and love the whole experience of going to the salon.

I also suggest that you click here to view Jo Bassett’s recent appearance on The Circle on channel ten, where she discusses why women find it so hard to ask for help.

Question Time: What 3 things can you do this week to help you fine tune your life to live the extraordinary. Hop over to Living Savvy to leave your comments on ‘Monday Bites’.

I harbour such contempt for cooking, that in the unseemly event that I have to prepare a meal, it must take under 10 minutes and involve no more than 5 dishes, including the knife and fork. Perhaps it has something to do with my inability to grasp the fundamentals such as boiling water? Attempts to do so, invariably result in a pot burned to its destruction.

I place the pot of water on the stove with good intentions, but whilst I’m waiting for the water to boil I take full advantage of the adage that a watched pot never boils and engage in far more exciting activities such as painting my nails. Maybe it’s the fumes from the nail polish, but the act of returning to the pot erases itself from my memory.

When I have to put on a pair of gloves and clean, I also put on my heels to counteract the damage of being a 1950s housewife to my psyche.  Warning, tiles may be slippery.  I won’t wash dishes in the sink, as despite obvious damage to my manicure, this is why dishwashers were invented (the thought of running out of dishwashing powder doesn’t warrant thinking about).

I refuse to get my hands dirty, and as such I have no business with a rake. I hate handwashing, opting instead for crossing my fingers with the delicate cycle on my machine. I operate the dryer all through summer rather than pegging clothes on the line (forgive me for the carbon trail, but I justify this gross inconsideration for the environment with the fact that I don’t drive).  I detest chopping and peeling vegetables so much that I  will pay exorbitant amounts of money for ones that have been already cut for me in gourmet supermarkets. Needless to say, when I discovered online grocery shopping, it changed my life in ways in which words can’t describe.

Despite my disdain for the drudgery of domesticity, I must confess, I have a penchant for spring cleaning. I’m not a believer in feng shui per say (you certainly won’t find me hanging wooden flutes in my romance corner) but I swear I can feel the energy shift as I throw out old things.  I’m told it not only ushers in fresh energy, but  also creates the space for new things to enter your life. Like a woman possessed, I sort through clothes, letters from ex lovers and old bills as though the more I throw out, the closer I am to a Chanel handbag miraculously entering my life.

I inevitably end up with a pile of overdue library books that need returning.  I may be an organised person, yet returning library books has never been a strong point, and as such, I’m banned from every library in the country. Library staff are an entire different strain of the human species – all anal retention, stern looks, sandal worshipping and beige cardigans. Their calling in life is to protect the dewey decimal system whilst enforcing complete silence.  They seem to have special powers, somehow reverting adults to school children, and I end up tip toeing around the library, terrified that I’m going to be sent to the Principal’s office for being a naughty girl.

I’m equally as bad at returning DVDs. I have twenty cards from video stores all over the country, 19 of which I’m unable to use.  I fear that as soon as I step foot on the premises, security will surround me in manner of tactical response group, “Gaynor Alder, put your hands in the air where we can see them and move away from the counter, move away from the counter.  You’re under arrest for the failure to return Dirty Dancing in 1989”.

“I suggest that you write a letter to your future self or create the dream board for your future self, imagining that you are in February 2012 and looking back and describing how you did it by answering what you have have noticed, what would be achieved, what would be different? What would you have stopped doing or be doing more of?”

So here goes:

Bonjour,

Snaps to you darling. What an amazing year you’ve had. Not only do you have a book deal in your hot little hands, you’re now working from home as a Writer and earning a fabulous living from it. Bet you didn’t think you’d get here did you?

Your alarm clock is a thing of the past – no more dragging yourself out of bed before your body is ready to and struggling to find the energy to get through the day. No sirree.

I must say, I do love your apartment – yes it’s the one you’ve always dreamed of. Your French damask mirror looks ever so gorgeous, as do all the black and white framed images of Paris and old Hollywood film stars, oh and look at all that brand spanking new furniture.

Good hair days are eternally yours, thanks to the weekly blow dries from your hairdresser (and I don’t need to tell you how the quality of your hair dictates the quality of your life). You even have the time to paint your nails every week (all that chipped polish wasn’t very becoming darling).

I’m glad you finally starting doing pilates again – it’s been ever so good to help calm and centre your mind and body. I know you’re really dying to know if you can fit back into your skinny jeans. Round of applause, yes since you worked through your fears of a relationship, your need to drink most nights of the week slipped away, as did the kilos.

Now that you’re no longer working a day job, you have more time for your friends. Please stop fretting that you’re not staying in touch with them enough at the moment. The fact you worry so much, shows how much you care, and they know how much you love them. Be kinder to yourself please.

I know what you’re thinking (after all, you could say we know each other quite well), gee this all sounds so swell, but how on earth did I do it?

You started saying no more. You maintained your boundaries at work, so that it didn’t take over your head space in your spare time. You took holidays when you needed them. You stopped worrying so much about everyone else, and started looking after yourself better. You started carving out time for yourself – albeit it may have only been an hour here and and there, but these small moments of time combined to make a big difference in your life. These things helped you to remain centred in yourself so that you could maintain your mojo in 2011, because, yes, I won’t lie to you it is a busy and full year.

However, it will be a rewarding year. A year that you will look back on in triumph, proud of everything you have achieved, not just materialistically, but within yourself. A year that rather than let it run you, you grabbed hold of and took what you wanted from it in order to get where you are now. A year that despite your schedule, you retained your sense of self and fulfilled your dream of a living a lifestyle that is conducive with who you really are.

You also have so many beautiful people in your life, who are shaking their pom poms for you – people who’ve got your back, who will look after you and who love you. They will be your greatest strength.

Be kind to yourself.

Be gentle to yourself.

Look after yourself.

Don’t stop believing in yourself.

Now go lay down and have a rest – you need it.

Love me x

Image credits: 1, 2

I don’t know about you, but my mojo has been missing in action (if you find it, can you please call me – a reward will be offered).

Decemeber was a marathon of drinking, and it left me starting January like I hadn’t had a break at all and fantacising about taking a month off in Bora Bora in my bikini. The years seemed to merge into one, instead of the usual punctuation of time with the beginning of a new year.

You see, I love January. Normally it’s a time where I reflect, regroup and recharge for the year ahead. I go on one of my must-throw-out-everything-old-mad-feng-shui-cleanses and relish in the new energy it ushers. Then there’s my new catch cry to carve out for the year – a motto or mantra if you will, that I leave the house with, coupled of course with ridiculously sexy underwear (ahem, the current state of my lingerie draw doth beg to differ, and needless to say a trip to Agent Provocateur is required, stat).

I dragged myself through the first few weeks of January, struggling to get my head around all that I have on my plate. I started the year snowed under, drowning and gasping for air. Horror of all horrors, my draws still contain old papers from 2010, which I’m sure are wreaking havoc with my romance corner (if you believe in all that feng shui malarkey – personally, reading all the rules of where I can and can’t put things sends me batty but still somehow seeps into my sub conscious invoking suspicion that if I do put a mirror at the end of my bed something bad will happen to me).

With the end of the month approaching, I am slowly yet surely starting to get into the swing of the year – as though I’ve been thrown a life raft after desperately treading water trying to keep my head above water for the past few weeks. But it’s all this talk of time which is just the problem – for, I am not a time keeper, and the schedule I’ve had to create in order to be in control of the colussal workload I have on my plate to reach my goals this year and maintain my job and stop anxiety in its tracks, is a complete affront to my free spiritied sensibilites.

I may not have given my cupboards a once over, nor do I have a concrete catch cry for the year, but I have sat down and had a good talking to my schedule. I can’t do it all on my own anymore. Not just in my work life, but in my personal life. Delegation and streamlining have featured highly, as has opening up and letting people help me more instead of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Because not only do I want to continue writing here on this blog, get a publishing deal for my book and continue to succeed with my day job, I want to spend more time with the people I love this year.

Last year I worked like a trojan until the early hours of the morning and during my weekends. But this year I refuse to do that, no siree. However, I can see now that the hard work has paid off and it has set a foundation for me to build upon. Something I can call my own – not bricks and mortar, but a labour of love built from dedication and steadfast determination. A writing career.

So, as I continue to slowly ease into 2011, I remind myself to stay focused on what’s important throughout this process of unpiling of what’s on top of me. And perhaps this is just where I need to be right now – sorting and sifting through tasks, thoughts and emotions. Perhaps I need to trust the process, and let 2011 reveal itself to me in its own good time. One thing I do know is that in so many ways it has already been a fabulous and beautiful year, and there is so much promise and goodness awaiting.

Image Credits: 1, 2

That’s not just because of who I am, but most importantly, it’s because I believe that it’s the candor that you, my readers really engage with and benefit from for yourselves – and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of that going around (realness that is).

But, there are things that I will never write about here, because I also think it’s important to keep certain parts of yourself sacred. It’s these parts of myself that I shared with two very special people at Christmas. The parts of myself that have been broken by people in the past, the parts of myself you’d need to know me for a long time or be very special to ply out of me.

Yes I felt vulnerable as it came pouring out of my heart, but I knew I was safe. I also knew that it was time for me to start talking about it again, because it needed to come out at that time, in order for me to put an end within myself to these things. Part of this also made me realise just how much I did go through, and that it’s really important for me to acknowledge that within myself – for I won’t find peace without doing so.

Because so often, we don’t acknowledge the difficulties we have overcome. We are told that there is always someone worse off than ourselves who has been through more than we have. Well, I am here to tell you that you must stop doing that. Right now. For, what I went through deserves acknowledgement, and so does whatever it is you have been through. But if you can’t do that for yourselves, well then, I am here to help you do that. Because we need to god damn it.

My story is one of extreme ill health for nearly a decade that debilitated me beyond belief, coupled with a relationship that brought me to my knees and nearly destroyed me. There is so much more to that story that I won’t share, but what is important about this, is that I realise right here and now, just how bad it all was.

Because part of who I am is to expect a lot from myself (0therwise known as being far too hard on oneself), and above all I must be able to always be stronger than anything that life throws at me. You could say I am a bit of a trooper in that respect. It is these very qualities that enabled me to get through what I did. I took my illness moment by moment and day by day, and grabbed onto any skerrick of strength to pull me to the next moment – and the next moment, and the next day, and the next year.

Now, I find myself here. Well. Free of an abusive relationship. However, there is a complete disconnect from that time to this time, because, desperately treading water and moving forward was the only thing I could keep doing, otherwise I would have drowned under its force … and after all, aren’t we always told we must leave the past in the past, and always keep moving forward. Quite frankly, I think is is crap.

I think this does a lot of our hearts in the quest for inner peace, a great disservice. Because moving forwards without dealing properly with the past, is really just a form of denial, and often leaves great gaping holes in us – and hell there are many beautiful things from our past that should never be forgotten. These special memories need to be dusted off and lovingly polished to perfection, because there are times in our lives that deserve to be relived, remembered and cherished – and even the bad ones have helped shape us who we are today.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about wallowing and letting our past debilitate us in the present, and affect our future, but we need to acknowledge the past, before we can fully enjoy the present. So this brings to me to the purpose of this article. The part in this story where I look back at what I have overcome and what I have been through, for it needs to be honoured – not for anybody else, but for myself.

I am proud that I survived nearly a decade of ill health in the face of overwhelming obstacles, not only mostly alone, but with a great amount of dignity, courage and grace. I acknowledge just how horrific this part of my life was and just how amazing I am that I was able to survive it on the day to day basis in the way that I did, and be the person that I am today, despite all of it. I am proud that unless you knew me, you would have had no idea of what I was suffering with, because there was one thing I was determined about, and that was that my health problems were never going to take my spirit away from me. And they didn’t. For it was my spirit that got me through it all.

I acknowledge just how much my last relationship damaged me, and that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way that I was, and in no way was it a reflection on me. I acknowledge that I endured the incomprehensible confusion of being afflicted so much hurt and neglect by someone who appeared to love me so much, and I let go of being so hard on myself that I let him do all that to me (yes, that old nutshell). I am proud that I left that relationship. I am proud that I have built such a happy life since he left me shaking and crying in the corner on the verandah that day.

I acknowledge that it’s okay that the damage of this relationship is resurfacing after all this time (because, hell, don’t others seem to put a time limit on how long it should take?) and that I have lived and achieved so much since then without thinking about him, and this is the natural order of things – because things resurface when they are meant to. When you are ready. When the time is right for you to process them. When you need to in order to properly open your heart in store for someone else to enter it (oh, damn, does this mean I have to give up being a coquettish minx who never forms real relationships with anyone, but thrives on the adventure of taking a lover in a new city or for a new season?)

I am proud of the person I have become. I am proud of what I have achieved in the past few years. Above all, I am proud that no matter what anybody has ever said to me, and despite whatever life has thrown at me or what society has told me I should do, that I have never stopped following my dreams of becoming a writer. I am proud that I stand on my own ground and live life by my own values. I am proud that I don’t draw my self esteem from the job that I do or from what others think of me, but from how I feel about myself from the inside.

What do you need to acknowledge within yourself and what are you proud of?

First Published on the 5th of June 2010

I was speaking with the fabulous Miss Kempson of Sarah’s Style Emporium and she told me about a fabulous article where the person wrote a letter to their 16 year old self.

I thought it was a brilliant idea, so I am going to write one to my teenage self  – a Dolly magazine reading, hair bleach and strawberry lip gloss addict, who was always agonising over the unrequited love of a high school crush.

Hmmm, why do I feel the need to find some stationery and spray it with some perfume?

Dear 16 year old Gaynor,

I’m nearly 20 years older than you now (yikes), I guess you can consider me an aunty of sorts – you can call me aunty G if you like.

First of all, I must take you to task over your spiky fringe and the Vanilla Ice poster in your bedroom – don’t worry your taste in fashion and music will change for the better.

Stop pining over boys who don’t like you – they are not worth it my dear, nor are the popular girls who sit on the back seat of the bus. You’re better than all of them put together (really, you are, I’m not just saying that because I’m your favourite aunt).

Don’t ever think you are not good enough, not pretty enough or not anything enough – don’t ever let anyone determine how you feel about yourself except you.

There are going to be some unbelievably tough times, tougher than you could ever comprehend right now (I know nothing could seem worse than the agony of the object of your affections choosing to go out with someone else on school camp, but believe me there is) but you will emerge from those times with more strength than you could have ever imagined, and you will use it for the rest of your life.

Never forget that you are the most important person in your life. It is not selfish to put yourself first when you need to, because you’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself.

No matter how bad things seem – it will pass. Promise.

Your quiet determination is one of your greatest strengths – don’t ever let anyone make you doubt yourself or what you want to do in life.

Cut off critical, disrespectful and toxic people at the knees (metaphorically speaking of course) – they have no place in your life.

Surround yourself only with people who love and respect you. One of your greatest joys in life will be your friendships. In fact, they will be your greatest joy. You will still be friends with Katie Janelle after all these years, and you will learn that this is one of the greatest achievements in life – to have a friend that will be there throughout it all, in thick and thin. Oh, and yes, you will both be still as obsessed about makeup as you are now, but go easy on the Tresor perfume will you?

You will be an aunty, and you will experience a love that you never thought possible for another human being. Emily Rose is six turning on seven now, and you will love her like she is your own.

Don’t stress about figuring out what you want to do with your life – only living life can teach you that, and you will do lots of fabulous things anyway. You don’t have to do the same thing forever – do what you love for as long as you love it, and then do something different.

Never be afraid to try things – so many people are too preoccupied with their egos and what other people think of them, that they won’t take risks for fear of failing (this isn’t really going to get them anywhere now is it?) There is no such thing as failure, only learning.

Explore and live life by your own rules – there is no race to the finish line.

Don’t ever let a man destroy you. Make sure you love yourself so much, that no man can ever possibly treat you bad and make you feel like it’s all your fault. Choose wisely who you give your heart to – not all men are created equal.

You deserve love. However, it will take you a few goes to get it right. Don’t worry, his predecessors will make you a much stronger woman and make you appreciate meeting him all that more special.

Love yourself, not for what you do and don’t do in life, but just because of who you are.

ALWAYS trust your intuition.

Love yourself. No, it’s not stuck up, arrogant or self involved. You have no idea how important it is to love who you are. Oprah (she is a TV talk show host) will remind you when you forget, but honest and for true, when you really learn to love yourself and be your own best friend, life seems to fall into place.

Stop being so hard on yourself god damn it.

There will be friends that come into your life for a certain time only – and that’s okay. Cherish the good times, let it go and then move on.

When you fall out with friends, it will either end the friendship or be an opportunity for the friendship to grow stronger and more beautiful than before.

You will travel to many places and meet many people – yes, including Europe. Exciting, I know.

It’s the people in your life that matter the most. Spend as much time with the people in your life that you love – they won’t be around forever.

You will never be able to eat as much as you like and not put on weight again – enjoy it. Bitch! Just joking, but I am jealous of how you can eat whatever you want and still look like an exchange student from a third world country.

You will still be as crap with money as you are now – but I’m working on it, I promise.

Smoking isn’t as cool as it looks. Drugs are even less cool than they look.

Don’t let people walk all over you and stop being so bloody nice all the time – not everyone deserves your kindness.

Never feel bad about about being sensitive and emotional – it’s one of your most beautiful qualities, and you will learn that it’s also one of your greatest strengths. Show anyone the door that doesn’t respect this.

Never stop believing in yourself.

You have no idea how proud I am of you.

Love your aunty G x

P.S Did I tell you important it is to love yourself?

What would you say to your 16 year old self?

Image sources: 1, 2

Not only will I be putting in my two cents worth, but there will also be guest commentators from time to time who will be experts in their chosen fields. Do not fear, if you’re worried you might just end up with my crummy advice, the real beauty is that the readers of The Modern Woman’s Survival will be invited to comment and offer their advice too.

Does My Bum Look Big In This?

Surely there’s a better way to lose that ten kilos than substituting food for shakes and feeling so faint from hunger that you end up sliding down the side of the breakfast bar and start imagining that inanimate objects such as pens and staplers are actually food.

Surely there’s a better way to get back into your skinny jeans without fearing all carbohydrates as evil and turning into a snappy moody cow because your brain is suffering from a severe serotonin shortage due to lack of said carbohydrates.

Well, yes there is! Oh, gosh, I said that rather confidently didn’t I, and, well, let me confess, I haven’t quite worked it out yet myself. But thankfully The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide has a fabulous health expert lined up to answer all your health, fitness and well being questions – actually, hang on a minute, yes diet too, because even though I think it’s a dirty word, we are all still obsessed with them, so may as well talk about them, if not just to liberate womankind from their evil clutches.

When I Grow Up

This is for work and career advice, but ultimately to inspire and help women to lead fulfilling and rewarding careers doing what they love. A topic I am extremely passionate about, so passionate about, that I even used the word passionate (for some reason I find that word tacky, if not for its sheer overuse) and could write a chapter in a book about it (oh, hang on a minute, I did).

It also makes me want to get up on my soapbox, and the only other thing that makes me feel that way is when retailers start putting up Christmas decorations in August.

In this modern world, we need to be able to do what we love, but also keep the roof over our heads – and not just any shabby old roof either. Here in this column, I want to challenge the notions and the beliefs that imprison so many people and keep them stuck in lives and careers that lack substance and soul, and ultimately leave them veering head onto into a mid life crisis.

But, we don’t do mid life crises. No, we do the quarter life crisis instead, and the difference is that the QLC is a blessing in disguise, and the earlier it gets you, the more confusing it is and the more it throws you around like you’ve been thrown into a tumble dryer with a couple of bricks, the better, because it’s shaking you up, and clearing the way for you to follow your true path.

So instead of running scared, it’s about embracing the questions and confusion, because more often than not, it’s just you breaking free of all the things you’ve been told to be true, and all those things people expect you to do so that you can be “successful”. Real success is learning to stand on your own ground in the face of disbelief and doubt from others and living the life YOU want to live.

Real Men Only Need Apply

For all your Sex and the City type problems such as conducting thorough post mortems of dates – does he or doesn’t he like me and more importantly will he or won’t he call, and all that jazz.

Dear Modern Woman

Think of this as your agony aunt type of column – problems with friends, life, money and any other general life questions.

Gee that all sounds so swell, that if you don’t actually have a problem, I’d be making one up if I was you. Now, I don’t profess to have all the answers, but, together with experts and support of all our readers, we can put our head up, shoulders back and tits forward as we navigate together through life’s ups and downs, in order to live the most fabulous life we can.

So, get to it, and fill out the form below.

First published in the Courier Mail on September 27th, 2010.

Bonjour mes belle amies.

How are you on this beautiful morning?  I hope you have had fabulous weekends and have managed to build some ‘me’ time into it at some point.  My ‘me’ time this week consisted of blissfully colour-coordinating my walk-in wardrobe.  It is now looking tidy, beautiful and tempting, and what is more, I excitedly discovered pieces I had forgotten about!

However, on congratulating myself on my wardrobe mini-achievement, it occurred to me that the real challenge was in fact going to be keeping it in this pristine and perfect condition on account of one rather busy toddler who liked to drive his ride-on car into aforesaid wardrobe and ‘helpfully’ rearrange items (especially carefully positioned handbags, shoes and scarfs).  And as I pondered on this thought with furrowed brow, my gaze fell upon a book sitting quietly and unassumingly on my bookshelf, and suddenly my little challenge didn’t seem so difficult at all.

Women Who Changed The World’ is about the fifty most inspirational women who shaped history – pioneers pushing at new frontiers of achievement and showing us how they helped shape the modern world for women.  As I picked up the book and flicked through the pages, something incredible occurred to me.  Not only was every single one of the women in this book an absolute icon, but nearly every single one was also a mother.

I felt proud, very proud.

From Cleopatra to Catherine the Great, from Margaret Thatcher to Audrey Hepburn.  Rulers, warriors, sportswomen, innovators, writers, artists, heroines and revolutionaries – they were all listed.  These women had achieved superstar status in so many different ways.  They had encountered struggles, tragedy and triumph.  And what is more, they had done it all whilst being mums.  Like you, like me.

So how did they do it?  When I couldn’t even work out how I was going to keep my newly organised walk-in wardrobe in order with a feisty toddler on the loose, how did these sensational women mark their significant stamp on the world whilst simultaneously managing to be a parent?  I wanted to know what their secret was and what’s more, I wanted some of it.  I set about reading the book from cover to cover to see if I could catch a glimpse of what this was.  And I did.  And it was something wonderful.

These ladies all had one thing in common.  An absolute unwavering belief in themselves and what they were doing. They lived through passion for their cause.  They knew they could do it and they never thought to question it.  They did not allow self-doubt to rule their worlds but trusted in their instincts, trusted in their success and trusted in their future.  There was no such word as ‘cannot’ in their vocabulary.  And that was their simple secret.  That was their weapon.

It seems to me that with a strong philosophy of positive thinking in life we really could all be super mummies in our own special way, much like these inspirational ladies.  If we spent as much time feeling positive and powerful as we do feeling worried and guilty, it is my view we would all be more efficient, more energetic and happier.  Positive energy is much like a child.  It is an astonishing force that blooms with nurture and it is capable of extraordinary things.  If you wish to learn a new hobby, move overseas, change career or undertake that long awaited project, it can be done if you have belief.

And if you have a hard time trying to inject your spirit with this serum of self-assurance, I give you one prompt to keep you focused.  Motherhood.  Being a good parent is the hardest (and most important) job in the world and if you can do this, you really CAN do anything.  As for me, my colour-coordinated closet has now been installed with a child-proof lock and life is rosy once again.

Jessica is a feature writer and currently writes for the Courier Mail, the Journal Weekender and Profile Magazine amongst other publications.  Jessica writes internationally and has been published in many high profile Australian and London print publications.  Jessica specialises in current affairs, beauty, health, women, family/parenting, lifestyle and business.  Jessica is also the business owner of Publicity (a public relations and communications consultancy in Noosa) and the mother of a gorgeous little ball of fire, Zac Xavier, who is two years old.  Jessica loves all things stylish, all things french and all things expensive and adores to be surrounded by pretty things.  Jessica has an innate ability to connect with her audience.

You can visit her website by clicking here.

Image Credits: 1, 2

This article was first published in the Courier Mail on September 20, 2010.

Good morning sassy mummies, how have you been?  It is the beginning of another working week as we hurtle into spring.  It is going to be a busy week for me as I have a mountain of deadlines looming closer and last week I lost a working day to a bout of flu (me) and a very steely run of conjunctivitis (my baby boy, Zac Xavier).  For one day, Zac and I surrendered to our respective bugs and wallowed in our illnesses, curling up at home to recuperate with doonas, chocolate and Austar, and now I have to make up for this lost time.  However, I wouldn’t change it for the world because it was during this day of convalescence that I was reminded of something rather magical and I feel like a new person because of it.

After baking cupcakes all the morning of our un-rostered day of sickness and putting Zac Xavier down for his lunchtime nap, I considered how I would spend the next few hours.  What does a busy business mummy do with herself when she has no brain in gear (due to aforesaid illness), no voice (again due to aforementioned illness), and has read the last two Vogue magazines from cover to cover?

Remember what you used to enjoy doing before life got so busy?  Remember that concept of ‘me’ time?  Guilt-free unadulterated time doing those things that you love and enjoying a moment to yourself in all its glory.  I had almost forgotten.  In a bid to raise my spirits from the depths of flu misery, I decided to embark on a whole session of this long overdue practice and set out to consider what would light up my aura.  Even on making the decision to do this I felt the tension slip from my shoulders and a smile appear on my face.

So what to do?  I started by embarking on a divine campaign of my most favourite thing – shopping.  Via the amazing global door of the internet, I trawled and searched and sighed adoring sighs-of-love at beautiful items from jewellery to shoes, homes to holidays.  I mentally redesigned our house, walked through virtual designer boutiques and experienced a fringe for at least five minutes in a fantasy digital haircut.  I became the proud owner of a delicious vintage dresser (one can never have enough), ordered subscriptions to Country Style magazine and Vogue Living (necessary home investments non?), purchased a selection of delectable books (including ‘Dreaming Of Dior’, ‘The Farm Chicks In The Kitchen’ and ‘Coco Chanel The Biography’) and even secured seats to see The Wiggles.  I then painted my nails, preened and pampered and watched a DVD I had been waiting to watch for months (‘The September Issue’ – a fabulous documentary on Anna Wintour) and I have to say that this time to myself with my thoughts was the best medicine a girl could wish for.  I actually felt my spirit regenerating and the stresses of the past few months ebbing away.  It was the most relaxed I had felt in a long time, despite my fluey demeanour.

It seems to me that a prescription of ‘me’ time is exactly what us busy mums need every now and then, and from this experience I have now decided to build some time in each month just for me as a necessary feature of my family life.  In our hectic lifestyles balancing family and career, this time-out is the perfect way to give ourselves a little treat; a reward for being the sensational women we are.  We spend so much time looking after everyone else after all, it can’t hurt to remember ourselves in the equation every now and then.  When we feel good about ourselves it makes us better people – better mums, better partners and better at our careers.

So I encourage all you busy mummies out there over the next week to take some time out to do at least one thing for yourself, one thing just for you and no-one else.  It can be anything that you enjoy, from a hot bubble bath to a haircut, a phone call with a girlfriend to a green-fingered session in the garden.  Whatever it is, allow yourself that nourishment for the soul, that acknowledgement that you are a special person and that you deserve a few distinguished moments to shine.  Just make sure you let me know what it is you choose!

Follow The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide tomorrow as Jessica writes about women who changed the world.

Jessica is a feature writer and currently writes for the Courier Mail, the Journal Weekender and Profile Magazine amongst other publications.  Jessica writes internationally and has been published in many high profile Australian and London print publications.  Jessica specialises in current affairs, beauty, health, women, family/parenting, lifestyle and business.  Jessica is also the business owner of Publicity (a public relations and communications consultancy in Noosa) and the mother of a gorgeous little ball of fire, Zac Xavier, who is two years old.  Jessica loves all things stylish, all things french and all things expensive and adores to be surrounded by pretty things.  Jessica has an innate ability to connect with her audience.

Image Credits: 1, 2

”Well gee, THAT’S a mouthful of a confusing title, Corrine.”

Yes! It is! But it was completely inspired by the musical excellence that is King Crimson’s Happy With What You Have To Be Happy With, so surely we can forgive it, right?!

*gulps*

ANYWAY.

Bigger! Better! Brighter! Shinier! Newer! More, more, more! We tick off goals, lap up the latest models of our beloved technology products hungrily and seem to be CONSTANTLY accelerating towards becoming the greatest, most accomplished, successful version of ourselves that we can possibly be. And this is terrific! But while we’re often hurtling along full throttle, focused on the big, delicious picture on the horizon, how regularly do we take a moment to stop and admire the beautiful contents of our current surroundings?

When you last achieved/received something spectacular, how long did you savour it for? An hour? A day? A few minutes, before thinking ”okay, this garden gnome is FANTASTIC, but I still want/need..” and quickly reverting back to your mental to-do list? Sure, evolution is splendid, but don’t we owe it to ourselves to enjoy the feeling of being truly content with what we already have? Yes! How satisfied can we be if we’re flitting from one object or moment to the next? Not very!

King Crimson, you were spot. on. You do have to learn to be happy with what you have to be happy with! And although you’re definitely referring to the ingredients of a song and not a burnt cake, if your sentiment could be applied to life in general, I imagine that it would translate into the following steps:

x Express Gratitude For The Simplest Of Items

There’s a bed for you to sleep in! A roof over your head! A tap that will dispense water to you whenever it’s required! Pretty nifty stuff, huh?

x Ban Yourself From Making Comparisons To Others And Their Circumstances

So they’re living in a penthouse, and you’re living with your parents. They’ve completed three degrees, while you’re pondering your next move. They’re convinced that satay sauce tastes perfect with a dash of sweet chilli sauce, but you’re much more of a tabasco sauce fan. Honestly, stop! Who cares?! Don’t reduce your life and the experiences and knowledge that you possess by comparing it to someone else’s, or believe that their choices are superior to yours! (And besides, satay sauce with a splash of tabasco sauce sounds INGENIOUS!)

x Identitify Your Triggers For Goal-Kicking Despondency

Whenever you start to feel as though you’re not doing/seeing/owning enough, examine the cause. What triggers you to feel that way? A high-end fashion magazine? Television? A conversation with a neighbour? Perhaps you don’t need it?

x Make A List Of Your Monthly Achievements

”’But that would make me feel like a total narcissistic twit!” You might exclaim. Oh, please. It’s not narcissistic to quietly applaud yourself and remember the tremendous things that you’ve conquered or attended, you know! And it doesn’t have to be on display for anyone to see: you could keep a secret notebook and create a list of your weekly/monthly/yearly/lifetime achievements to revel in whenever you’re needing a happiness boost, or to refer to when you’re full of self-doubt.

♥

Go! Take a look around! Have a peek at your belongings and the life that you’re living: is learning to be happy with what you have to be happy with something that deserves a higher priority than your next target? How do you stay content?

CREDITS

Click here to view original article on Frock and Roll

Images supplied by The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide with credits to “Love Your Place”

After watching her complete discography with commentary from her 2008 documentary, I found myself admiring her continual evolution. That combined with the recent cover of Madison, whereby she proclaims to have hit her stride at 42, has had me ponder my own evolution.

Like Kylie, I can look back at cringe at bad hair dos (if you think Charlene’s hair in Neighbours was cringe worthy, then just google her in Henderson Kids) and wonder what the hell I was thinking wearing such questionable items of clothing – but, of course, back then it was the height of fashion, and everyone would have been envying my banana clip and balloon skirt.

I can also look back over the years and see distinct times when I felt I had come into my own. 28 was a definite era, when I felt like I had really began to know myself, and with that came a surge of confidence. Not only did my hair start to work for me, I also knew what I wanted, and what I didn’t want, and reveled in the first feelings of empowerment, knowing I could finally stand up for myself. I now look back on at the time as the “Princess Dairies”, and if I didn’t want to do something, well, then, hell, I just said no.

I started evaluating the people in my life, and with self worth came the realisation that I didn’t have to put up with people who didn’t treat me right, and that in fact, it was VIP entry only into my inner circle. I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me, and with that I was less affected by criticism.

However, as great as the Princess Diaries were, I didn’t realise that this newfound coming of age confidence was still nubile and in its infantile stages – which became apparent in the following years – like someone shaking a tree that was just beginning to bear fruit, only to have it all fall to the ground, leaving the tree skinny and shaking after being stripped of all its leaves.

It’s not to say that I didn’t enter my early 30s having lost all I had discovered, but there was a definite sense that I had lost some of strength and confidence that I celebrated in my late 20s. Now, heading into 34 I realise, that this was just life preparing me for the next stage. It was life stripping me of what I needed to be stripped of, and throwing me into situations to test myself, so I could reach a new level of self evolution so to speak -  the stage I am in now, and let me tell you, it kicks ass over 28.

The confidence is stronger. The self worth is more real. The ability to brush off criticism or other people’s stuff much easier. The friendships are deeper. But most of all I am happier – much happier, because all the trials and tribulations have made me appreciate the good times so much more. So, if this is how I feel at 33 going on 34 compared to 28, well then I can only begin to imagine how I will feel at 42. Like Kylie, we should all be so lucky and put our hands on our hearts and hope that over time, that not only will our costumes get better, but that we will continually evolve to find more happiness, self worth and contentment.

What times in your life have you felt like you’ve hit your stride?